Swing

I have had elementary school field days there. I have had birthday parties, picnics, and church youth events there. I have played with my dogs there. I have walked and jogged there. I have adventured through the back trails and even got ticks on my head as a little girl with long hair there; definitely only needed to be experienced once in a life time. I have played with my nephews there. I have shared the Gospel and prayed with someone there. I have lost my treasured cross necklace from Uganda there. I have taken my lunch break there many, many times and read my Bible there. I have taken pictures there and watched the squirrels run around there.

Today, I swung.

All of these things flashed in my head as I went up and down, up and down. The park I was at sure has served a lot of purposes through out the years. All the way from being a toddler when my mom would take my siblings and me on perfect weather days so we could get all of our energy out to days like today as an adult, when I simply needed to swing. Driving home from an adoption celebration today, with all the emotions that are involved, I found myself pulling into the park where I’ve pulled into many times before. I wanted to swing. I tried to think back to the last time I had and couldn’t remember. That bothered me.

Simply walking up to the swings brought joy to me. Hearing the sounds of little kids running around and laughing brought me joy, looking to my left and seeing a father running around with his daughter brought me joy, and looking to my right and seeing children climb the same random metal object that I use to at their age brought me joy. The simplicity of it all was overwhelming and I wanted to swim in it. I sat down in the swing and was quickly reminded how much more comfortable the swings were as a child with a child-like body. Nevertheless, I began. Swing my legs forward, swing my legs back. It was comforting—the rhythm of my legs swinging, the creaking of the metal chains with the same tune each and every time, and the way my hair would fly forward and then back.

I don’t think I realized how still the trees were before. They were solid, secure, and bold. Then I realized how everything seemed so still—but me. Purposeless? Never. He speaks to me in such neat ways. I could hear him saying, “I love you, child. Rest in Me.” As I’ve heard so many times before when I cry out to him, I heard again, “Wait. Be Still. I have great things planned for you.”

I closed my eyes. The air smelled so sweet and fresh. Hair forward, hair back. Feet forward, feet back. I was drawn back to college. There was a park a few blocks down from where I lived. It was at Chicago and 27th-ish. I loved that park. I used to go there frequently, usually by myself. I would go to swing. The best times were right before it got dark because hardly anyone would be there. I would swing and sing as loud as I wanted until my little heart was content. Man, I miss those days. I had many conversations with the Lord at that park while swinging. What a blessing that little park was to me.

I snapped back to now and wondered how many times I’ve missed my times to swing. Often. I’m always busy. Always. If I’m not busy, I’m often distracted by things that are pointless for what actually matters. I didn’t have to even say it out loud, He knew my heart—I was sorry, asking for forgiveness again. Beautiful grace, mercy, and forgiveness were waiting for me.

My swinging was over and my heart was lighter.

Today was a good day for a swing.

Home

I'm home--safely. Thank you, Lord. I'm adjusting back slowly. I'm exhausted. I don't even want to think about having to wash all of these clothes i'm staring at sitting in my huge suitcase. I will write more later....it takes too much enegery right now. :)

Torn between two places,

Jess

Elephants, Giraffes, Hippos, Oh, my!

Well, my last day in Gulu was a pretty relaxing day...nothing too crazy went on. I even took a nap! Imagine that! :) I am so grateful for this trip...God is just so good. I can't believe it was already time to head out of Gulu...

I have just a few minutes because my time is about to run out. We left early this morning for Murchison Falls Game park.....already we've taken our boat ride down the Nile.....beauty at it's finest I must say!!! We've seen some of God's beautiful creations!! We even got rained on ...a lot. I don't think i'll ever mind getting rained on while riding in a boat down the nile river as i'm taking pictures of hippos, HUGE alligators, birds, water buffallo, etc.... :)

Early in the morning we head out for our safarri...i'm praying we see a lion!! That would be AWESOME!!

K...gotta run...it won't be long and we'll be home...

Love,

Jess

Kipak Lubang

aka..Praise God!!

I'm learning a bit of Acholi and it's so fun!! You should see the Acholi people's faces when I bust out with a few sentences. haha...good stuff.

Yesterday we went out to a IDP camp and got to share the Gospel from hut to hut. It was wonderful and one lady we shared with surrendered her life. For time's purposes I'll keep it short but God was glorified and the truth was shared.

Today we got to hang out for a long time with Fransisco the Administrator for Favor of God. He told us his whole testimony. It's awe inspiring. God has a plan and that plan will come to fulfillment. Praise the Lord!!

OH I am so excited..I had an African dress made for me. It's beautiful. :) I cannot wait to wear it!!!

Okay, headed to dinner with some friends of Norma's. I can't believe our time here is almost up. It's so hard...but God's grace is totally sufficient.

Keep praying!

Jess

Front and Center

Oh, man o man. Today was absolutely amazing. I LOVE how God is so good at surprising us at what He has in store for each day. It's so exciting to live it out and see what His plan is...and that I am the one that gets to be a part of it!!

The day started out with us going to to Gulu Bible Community Church (Norma's church). Man, it puts worship into perspective. I love the freedom to dance and sing to the Lord. So fun. After church we grabbed lunch at the mission house really fast...and can I say it was my favorite meal from last year. I was so excited!! Simply, it's pretty much like scrambled eggs with onions and peppers and tomatoes. Then we had noodles and beans--staple food here. Then we headed with Sam and a few others to the military barracks--the hospital there. The team split into two and one team went on one side and we went on the other. I was blessed to share the Word with a number of the soldiers and their families. I spoke on Prov. 37:3-8. I was glad the Lord gave that to me this morning in my quiet time because I wasn't planning on speaking. I love that--God says speak, and I speak. No question about it-He always provides the words-His words. Then, Sam ( a wonderful guy who loves the Lord that works for Favor of God) shared his testimony and shared the Gospel clearly. When he asked those to raise their hands who wanted to surrender their lives to Christ..to live for him the hands flew up...about 10. I couldn't help but rejoice and praise God!! We were then able to go to each individual -believer and not and pray for them specifically..for their sickness, etc. It was amazing.

Then, from there Norma had told us that there was supposed to be a women's march through Gulu town-"March for Jesus" to begin a conference that was starting in town. I told her it would be amazing to get to record some of that. So, we found where it was going to start and sat in the van for a little and watched as they were praying. Then, a couple of the lady's from Favor of God came to us and asked if we wanted to march with them. Of course, I was in. What an opportunity. But you just wait...it gets better. Eric was going to as well...haha..march for women. :) (there were a few men, too but it would have been funny if there weren't any..but mazungu Eric) Anyways, Kristine had us get in line and kept telling me to go up to the front. It is so embarrassing at times to be such an honored guest..i would rather just blend in..but that's how it is here so you just accept it and say thank you. So we went up to about half way. Then Kristine and Mama Joyce asked if I wanted to hold a banner. They had a banners for all over East Africa. I was so humbled and of course, said YES!!! So they handed me a banner (on a stick aka a huge flag) So, I was just so honored and SO excited...what a privilege. AND THEN I'm standing there just basking in how awesome God is and I clue in on the fact that everyone is looking at me and I'm thinking "hmm what does that mean?!" and then Kristine said, "Go, Go..they want the Gulu banner in the FRONT!" ....that's when I looked up and I realized I HAD THE GULU BANNER....my mouth just dropped open as the 2 lines of women gently pushed me forward.

I LED THE MARCH. I WAS IN THE VERY FRONT WITH THE GULU BANNER. A MAZUNGU FROM TEXAS LED THE WOMEN'S JESUS MARCH THROUGH GULU TOWN. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!!!

I am still just so amazed. I can't help but laugh. God is just so wonderful...it was so powerful and I was just so honored. I couldn't help but repeat over and over..."Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus." Being a part of something like this is definitely something that I will NEVER forget...and Eric was so nice to capture it ALL in pictures..and Sherry captured it all on film!!! You just wait...the pictures are wonderful. I'm giddy. Seriously.

After a couple hours we walked out of the march...it was going to last over 4 hours. Then we went to the coffee shop that is owned in Gulu by a sweet couple from Austin, TX. True austinites bringing the coffee shop to Gulu. Imagine that. :) It was wonderful and relaxing.

When we got home to Norma's we were just hanging out and it wasn't long before we heard little knocking on the gate. The twin boys and a friend of theirs were back. They wouldn't talk to us for the first 20 minutes they were here... They were hungry again...they had only tea today. So, we fed them and their friend and Eric loved on them. They are more hungry for love and affection than they are for food I think. Oh, and get this. I was so angry earlier. I found out Norma talked to the woman that they kids live with and just like we suspected...the older people and her took the food we we sent them home with yesterday and today. I hate that. With a passion. I thank God He knows when to spare me from certain opportunities because if I were there when Norma had ran into her I probably would have opened my mouth and been rude because that just burns me to no end. It's this culture and I am NOT okay with it and honestly, I don't apologize for that. Children are precious to the Lord and they DO NOT deserve to be neglected and purposely left to the side. Sheesh. Okay, I'm done with that for now. I trust the Lord will provide for them. He loves them more than I ever could and HE is the judge of everyone. Thank you, Jesus.

We had some wonderful avocados tonight. Yummm. My favorite.

Today was absolute wonderful and memorable. I give all glory to you, Jesus.

Love. Love. Love.

Jess

Break my heart for what breaks Yours

My heart broke today. I couldn't help but cry. 3 children..twin boys and a little girl just showed up at Norma's gate as we were all relaxing after going to the market and walking around Gulu town all day....Norma let them in and asked what they were here to do and they said they wanted to play...but she said she knew they came because they were hungry...that was an understatement. They were starving. We fed them...and they kept eating and kept eating and kept eating..Norma finally went to the market to get some milk and bread and donuts for them. We played futbal and ran around and laughed...they were such a blessing. They tried to teach me Acholi...I have no idea what I was saying! lol. They were amazingly dirty...so Norma and Sherry went back to the market and bought them all a new outfit and shoes...and we took those kiddos in and bathed them-scrubbed 'em good- and lotioned 'em up and had them put on their new clothes and they looked so smart as the Ugandans say...beautiful...and most importantly happy. They came not even wanting to look us in the eye and left hanging all over us and giggling and hugging us. You just wait until you see the pictures of these 3. They are absolutely priceless...Jesus knew they just need to be loved. My heart just broke. He allowed us to be His hands and feet to these children. I was so humbled. Even now it makes my eyes water up. We were going to send them home with a lot of bread so they'd have something to eat tomorrow until they go back to school on Monday where they get fed during the day, but asked them if the older kids would steal it from them and they said yes..so we sent them home with a piece each and will give their dad the rest tomorrow at church. AND as we were playing out in the compound running around we looked and there were little holes in the fence and all the neighborhood children were watching us play and talking to us through it. I almost came unglued. Eric just gently reminded me that God brought these three to us and it was these 3 we will be able to help...one at a time..or this time-3. What a blessing. He is just so good. I pray that all they remember from today is that Jesus loves them. I pray that they will one day be able to remember the mazungus that loved them..and told them they were loved...by Jesus. They were just so beautiful.

I do pray often that the Lord will break my heart for what breaks His. Today that was accomplished. Thank you, Jesus.

I ate a piece of meat...

...and it tasted like roast. It was my first bite of meat while here. It wasn't too bad, either! :)

So, I spent all day in prison. I would spend all my days in prison if they consisted of what today's consisted of. I find myself continually thinking, "How do I expain this in words??" It's so hard. Favor of God Ministries goes to the Ugandan Government Prison often and ministers to the inmates there. They bring them Bibles and other reading materia. They bring absolute TRUTH to those that are hungry and thirsty for change...for Jesus. Yesterday and today they did what they call a conference. They had a number of different pastors and speakers come to speak on the theme of the conference.."Let my people go." Oh, man, the spiritual and literal meaning was abundant. I am so full right now I just can't stop thinking on all of the Truth that was shared over the number of hours we sat there. First off, let me explain what it looks like. You walk up to this HUGE SOLID metal door. There is no handle on the oustide. You have to stand there and wait for the guard to let you in a small door in the center of the HUGE SOLID metal door. You can only take in your Bible and water. That's it. They lock you in a center area and close one door ..when that is bolt locked they then open the other one to enter into the prison courts. It's just a huge open field with the buildings in a squre around it. We walk straight across the field to the new building build specifically for the prison fellowship. (aka the church) You can hear the voices of praise before you even get into the Prison....it just draws you in. Once we get to the building they have plastic lawn chairs (which are really good chairs here) up in the front for their guests to sit. Everyone else sits on the floor on rice mats. So, we americans get the nicest of nice. It's so humbling and I hate it. But, out of respect we do as they wish becuase it's a privledge for them....we get served the bottled cokes...no one else. It's just amazing...

Okay, lacking time...more later.

Jess

From the Pearl of Africa

Hello!!

I am praising God for electricity and hot water. We got home tonight and we had both for the first time! :) Hence, the ability to update you on all that the Lord is doing here in Uganda.

Our journey here went well. We had an hour delay in Amsterday as we were on the plane because "a door was not shut correctly". They then proceeded to tell us to unbuckle our seatbelts and follow directions as needed. I don't even want to know...all in all we reached Uganda safely! I felt like I was home as I walked into the airport in Entebbe.

I cannot put into words what a blessing it was to see familiar faces of friends I made last year. Thank you, Lord. Yesterday we were able to go to St. Joseph's Catholic Hospital Lacor. It's one of the best here. We walked up and were told we'd be going to pray and share the Gospel in the Children's ward. My heart sunk in my chest. I knew then it was going to be heart breaking and prayed the Lord would give me the strength. As we walked in it took everything in me not to break down right then and there. As far as my eyes could see there were little precious children and their moms and dads with them. ...everywhere..and so, so sick. We had the chance to walk into one section of the ward and pray for the sick babies and their family. I'll let you in on one of many wonderful thing our God does. We were sharing the Gospel with a number of adults that were all sitting around one bed (because they had 2 or 3 small children in one bed) and one of the women heard us. We then went to her to talk to her and ask what was wrong with her little girl. She was 4 and had malaria really really bad. Her feet for incredibly swollen and her mom said she hadn't been able to walk in 2 weeks. Billy, our translater, Eric and I shared the Gospel with her and we began praying for her little girl. Billy was praying for her legs, etc and prayed for a miracle..for a miraculous healing. He layed his hands on her and we were all praying so hard for this precious child. As soon as we said Amen the mom pulled her daughter up into a standing position and let her go and she stood..by herself...and THEN walked about 4 steps into Billy's arms. I saw a miracle. ..and He does this ALL of the time!! We just have to open our eyes to see them!! ..and have the FAITH to believe Him!..of course, that did me in and I began to cry. Our God is just so good. As I sat on the floor of this incredible dirty, over crowded concrete floor of this hosptial and held the hand of a younger mother of a baby who had cerebal palsy I just couldn't help to be in awe of the love God offeres us. He is our hope and He is our healer. Praise God.

Oh, man the worship. It's music to my ears (literally haha)!!! I truly do believe it's what it'll sound like in Heaven one day. Oh, what a treat that will be..

We got to go to the Prison today...the sang...and i cried tears of joy. It was so beautiful. Man, if I could only tell you how beautiful. ...tomorrow we are going back and I will be able to speak the Word to a large number of male and famale inmates. I feel the Lord wants me to speak on His power.. Please pray He will give me His words and not mine...it's going to be wonderful.

GUESS WHAT?!! So, last year I wanted to but didn't get the opporutnity to stay the night in an IDP Camp. Well, my friends and family...Monday or Tuesday just might be that opportunity!! Don't worry, God is in control and i'll be just fine. Plus, if it makes you feel any better Eric will be staying out there, too. I can't wait to completely immerse myself in to their culture. I love these beautiful people. I really do.

Oh, we went to the House of Hope (orphanage) tonight and worshipped with those amazing children. I was able to give them each a teddy bear that I brought for them. They loved them!!! It's wasn't long before the little girls had them tied up on their back like the Ugandan women do with their babies. Precious.

There is so much more to say, but not enough time. Please continue to pray for us as we share Christ's love. I can't believe I get to be a part of this. Truly, it's humbling.

Until next time,

Jess

All in a Year's Time

Date: 6/28/09
Time: 1:43 a.m.
Mood: Pensive yet Excited
Packing Status: Officially Done (as of 23 minutes ago)
__________________________________________

This is the day.

I leave in 7 1/2 hours to drive to the airport, to get on a plane (after PRAYING all of our individual luggage weighs no more than 50 lbs. each--more on that later), to step foot on the red dirt in what feels so close to being home--Uganda.

I can't believe it's been a year. A whole year has gone by since I was leaving to go for the first time to Uganda. I've been sitting here thinking about all of the thoughts and feelings that were running rampant through me this time last year. There was fear of the unknown and unexpected, excitement for newness and change, expectancy for God's faithfulness, and an eager somewhat naive heart to embark on something the Lord had been preparing me for, for quite a while.

It's different in different ways this year.

I have no fear. None. Zippo. Zilch. Crazy, right? I don't think so. I serve a God that is of power and might, not of fear. That right here puts a smile to my face. What an amazing thing to be able to walk confidently knowing that we have no reason to fear--anything or anyone. Fear is crippling-down to the bones. I much rather live in the freedom provided abundantly to me. And while I have excitement, it's a calm inner excitement. It's hard to explain, really. I've had quite a number of people come up and ask me, "So are you extremely excited?!!" or , " I bet you are sooo excited!!" and right along with that their faces are lit up and their voices full of joy. Of course, I respond with a yes--because I am, but not the giddy, completely outward, kind of way.

This is purposeful. God is fulfilling His plan through my willingness to be obedient to His call for me in Uganda specifically for these next 2 weeks. Not that He wasn't last year, but this year I am so much more in tune with that. I'm focused, I have something, someone, someones to focus on. I can see individual faces, hear individual voices, and long to hug individual people--right now I might have left last year with it being personal, and having invested personally. This year I am going having already invested. That may not seem like a big difference, but it really is. It's a lot to grasp, and I don't pretend to be able to explain it in a way that makes any sense to those who haven't experienced it.

I have no idea what all the Lord has in store for us. I do know that the Lord has been continually speaking to me about His power and might. Over and over again I am finding myself reminded about just how powerful of a God we serve. That power resides in me. I never cease to be amazed by that.

So today (well, yesterday technically) was my 25Th birthday. Today was a pretty darn good day. I worked an annual event at work until about noon (with people that I truly am thankful for--I revived my first birthday donut with a birthday candle in it haha), ran some last minute errands (of course Wal-Mart being one of those), came home and took a nap, received lots of calls and texts from people that I love and cherish, packed, procrastinated, went to dinner at Olive Garden with my parents (where the OG employees joyfully sang their "well wishes for the days to come" to me) and packed some more. It was an overall good Birthday! :)

So let me tell you about my suitcase since I told you I would. So our suitcases can't be more than 50 lbs. You may be thinking, "How hard could that be?! That's a LOT--no one should need 50 lbs of stuff!" However, let me correct you. It is tricky. This is proven by Eric (one of the team members going to Uganda) calling me this afternoon asking me if there was room in the trunks we are taking with us because his was weighing 53 pounds! I laughed because he was one of the ones who thought there was no way it'd be a problem. He stood corrected! So I'm just loaded my suitcase up. My mom walks in and notices how full it's getting and I realize we should probably just do a mock weigh in on my scale. I'm sure you know where this is going. It was 57 stinking pounds. How in the world?!! 7 lbs, my friends, is a lot. So for about 20 minutes we moved around and took out and put back in and condensed until finallllyyyyy it was good to go. Bless my mom's heart she just looked at me like I was crazy. She's not the one going to Uganda for 2 weeks--I NEED MY WHEAT THINS!! haha. (seriously, though.)

Well, I hope to keep this updated. Check in and be a part of all that God wants to (and WILL) accomplish in Uganda. I don't always understand why God has allowed me to be the one to experience this with all the many, many blessings, but I will continue to go where He leads me. If that's Uganda, then Uganda here I come!!

Your prayers are appreciated and greatly needed!

Oh, one more thing. A good friend of mine, Josh Muse, is currently in Sudan serving the Lord and will be there for 2 months. You can go to his blog and keep up with all that he is doing to further the Kingdom! http://kawaja09.wordpress.com/

Uganda Bound,

Jessica

Praised be you, O Lord...

Barukh attah ADONAI Eloheinu melekh-ha'olam, asher natan lanu et Yeshua binkha k'meshichenu goalenu moshi'enu kapporatenu va'adonenu, ve'et sifrei B'rit heChadashah le 'amenu ulekhol ha'amim. Barukh attah ADONAI noten yeshu'ah b'Yeshua HaMashiach.

Praised be you, O Lord our God, king of the universe, who has given us Yeshua your son as our Messiah, our redeemer, our savior, our atonement and our Lord, and the books of the New Covenant to our people and to all the peoples. Praised be you, O Lord, giver of salvation in Yeshua the Messiah.

The time has come...again!

Hello!

I can’t believe a full year has come and gone since my amazing trip to Uganda last summer. I find myself extremely privileged and giddy at the opportunity to write again, informing you of my second trip to Uganda, Africa this summer. I knew coming home from Uganda last June that I would want to return if the opportunity arose, and the Lord has seen that this will be so!
I will be heading back to Uganda on June 28th and returning on July 13th, 2009. This year we are a team of 4. Eric, Rachael, Sherri, and I are working hard to get everything in place and ready to go! Just as last year, I will be serving the majority of my time in Gulu, Uganda, where Favor of God Ministries is located. My dear friend, Norma Caddell, is still serving as a full time missionary there in Gulu and the team and I are anxiously waiting to serve alongside her. This year, as I did last year, I will be able to help with medical missions in the IDP (internally displaced people) camps serving to do basic wound care. I will also be able to minister in the Ugandan Prison, Military Hospital, and HIV/AIDS clinic. Words cannot express the excitement I have to see again the sweet faces of the children at Favor of God’s orphanage, House of Hope; not to mention the staff of Favor of God that became family to me while in Uganda. My heart aches to hug their necks, shake their hands, and serve with a purpose in a country that still desperately needs Love and Hope.
I do not take this calling lightly, and ask that you lift me and the other team members up in prayer as we journey to do the Lord’s work in a place where a 23 year war has paid an unimaginable toll on the people.

The total cost of this trip is approximately $3,000. Approximately $2,000 of this sum is for the airfare alone. The rest covers lodging, transport, food, and humanitarian aid to Favor of God ministries and the local villages. I am forever grateful for your support in prayer and ask also to please pray and consider if you are to graciously make a financial investment in this work. I would be honored and greatly appreciative of your financial support. Gifts may be sent to my church as a tax deductible contribution: Waxahachie Bible Church, 621 North Grand Ave., Waxahachie, TX 75165. Please make sure to write “Jessica Page-Uganda” on the Memo line of your check. All support goes directly and only to me. If you are unable to help me financially, please know I completely understand and would be just as grateful for your support in prayer!
If time and resources permit, I will be writing about my experiences while in Africa at here on this blog . Please feel free to check in for the latest updates!

Blessings,
Jessica

Depravity and Desperation

It amazes me. I am amazed at how God works. As I sit here right now I am so tired--physically and emotionally. I could lay my head down right now and be out in mere minutes and honestly, I don't even want to type this all out. But, it's because of that I feel for some reason this time I should. What amazes me is how the Lord knows each and every intricate detail of what I need and when I need it. It also amazes me how He faithfully fills me up in His perfect timing knowing that trials and such will come my way so that I have a wealth of His love, encouragement, and purpose to draw from. This past weekend was so refreshing. I was able to go to Arizona for my cousin's wedding. Can I say that it was absolutely beautiful and I was blessed by it. I took a ton of pictures and enjoyed each and every one of them! I was given opportunities to share the Good News and share the Good News is what I did! It is literally one of the greatest joys in my life. It energizes me, encourages me, sanctifies me, and challenges me each and every time I am afforded the opportunity to have something as pure and beautiful as the Gospel grace my lips and into some one's ears. It's as if everything around me disappears but me and the person I'm talking to. I suppose that's because nothing else at that moment comes close to being as important as the message I am called to share. If only that were how I treated each and every moment--insignificant if not used in a way to share Christ in one way or another. I am rejuvenated and I fall more in love with my Redeemer when I am asked to tell about Him. I love that about my Love. I love that I can share about what He accomplished and what that means for the person I'm talking to--knowing what that means for me--knowing that it's coming from one depraved, sinful soul desperately in need of God's grace to another needing just the same with a sincere and desperate desire to see others have the joy, peace, and trust that Christ provides to those who surrender their live in obedience to the will of the Father.

So, from this weekend, I'm pumped, filled, and plain full of joy. I get to work today, faithfully deal with the plate that the Lord served, and I sit here now-just getting home about 30 minutes ago-and I'm drained. I am so disappointed in some circumstances--scratch that...choices, rather. If I've said it once, I've said it 100 times--life is all about choices. Then, the consequences to those choices, good or bad. Disappointment is an interesting thing. It's almost like it hits you like a load of bricks when you don't expect it. I got hit right in the stomach with a load of bricks today. I think what makes it so real is how I see myself even in being disappointed in someone else who is making bad choices that will effect her life and others that she cares about years down the road. I am reminded how I treat the Lord too often and how I make bad choices that don't always please the Lord too often and how I willingly disobey the Lord to follow my own selfish desires too often. It grieves me to know what I feel is how I make the Lord feel...even IF it were just once! Lord knows, it's more than that though. The desire to beg and plead and SHAKE a person into the right path, to MAKE them see what they are doing is only hurting themselves, to tell them you love them, support them, and only want what's best for them enough that they'll go on the path of righteousness is overwhelming. I thank God that He knows what we need and that He allows us to be broken so He can fix us. I thank God for forgiveness when we sin. I thank God for grace when we don't deserve diddly-squat. I thank God for love when we feel unlovable. I thank God for a warm embrace when we feel vulnerable. I thank God for friends when we feel alone. I thank God for being the ONLY thing that can completely and wholeheartedly satisfy the void we have--the void created precisely for Him! I've been reminded by a friend that if we stay grieved every time someone makes a bad decision we would never have any joy and that is not what God wants for us. Our part is to faithfully pray for them and still be joyful. So hard, but I wouldn't want to displease the Lord by lacking in joy when I have so much to be bursting from the seams with joy about! (My weekend, for instance!).

I can't help but feel like a disappointed parent today. I've said many times that I just don't know how I'll cope with parenthood! My heart breaks for those that aren't my blood, much less a child created by my own DNA (Lord willing one day)! My hats off to those who the Lord has entrusted little guys and gals to..who grow up to be men and women. It is an investment that no price can be put on. I just looked at my mini-devotion calender thingy on my desk and read this...

"And you took your sons and daughters whom you bore to me and
sacrificed them as food to the idols. Was your prostitution not
enough? You slaughtered my children and sacrificed them to the
idols." Ezekiel 16: 20-21

Parenting requires undergirding our children with prayer, enveloping them
with love, and overshadowing them with consistent spiritual nurture. It
requires training through lifestyle and faithful instruction. --Dorothy
Patterson

I think I'd be safe to say this could apply to believers living as an example to anyone and everyone. Yet again, God's perfect timing to speak Truth to me.

I sin. I disappoint. He forgives. He provides.

I owe Him my life. He willingly gave me His.

I am saved! Hallelujah!!!

Good 'ol Sprite

For your enjoyment...here is one of many types of things that my days include...

So I get out of the car yesterday after work to walk into Wal-mart in the 100 mph wind. (ok, maybe it's just 30 mph or something but you get the point) It definitely brings back memories to the college days in Lubbock...back to the point--so I'm wearing my skirt from Africa. So, just imagine a cute wrap around with little fringe and beads on the side. I'm on the phone with my sister, go to grab my skirt on the side in efforts to spare the fellow wal-mart shoppers a show and I get about half way to the door and go to release and my key chain (one from Africa..go figure) is wrapped and stuck in the fringe of my skirt. I almost pulled off my skirt in efforts to keep it on! So, I'm battling the wind, on the phone, my keys are stuck ON my skirt, and all of a sudden I feel like I had just got shot in the ankle with a Beebe gun. No lie. I look down and the wind had a lovely crushed sprite can flying across the parking lot, only to find my ankle...not to mention, the contents of the can that were still in it...all over my leg. So, now I'm just trying to succeed in not looking like a total weirdo as I STILL can't get my keys off of my skirt. OK, so when I say stuck I'm not saying...oh, for a couple seconds and it was free...I'm saying I was walking in wal-mart for like 5 minutes trying to get my dadgum keys OFF of my skirt!! Needless to say, I succeeded. So I left wal-mart with less money than I went in with, keys in my hand, and a small cut on my right ankle.

Truly, life is an adventure each and ever day! :)

A life full of Rice Crispies

There are times I find myself stopping dead in my tracks and looking at my life and pondering. Literally, it's like something hits me and the Lord grabs my attention. Different life circumstances tend to make me take a step back and think upon specific situations I've been in, attitudes I've had or haven't had, and emotions I've battled or embraced. The bitter sweet things in life are the most intriguing to me. The fact that a person can feel two of the most opposite emotions at one time, regarding a situation or person just blows my mind. Only God could create such a being. Only God could love such a being the way He does!

As I was stirring the big pot of marshmallows and margarine tonight, or should I say a huge gob of sugary mess, the Lord reminded me of His sweet, sweet truth. Ironic? I think not. I stared at the creamy white fluff and got lost in one of his many beautiful stories, my life. Where am I at in the story of my life right now? Well, I find myself in a place where I've never been stretched quite like I have in the past 3 months or so--specifically in the precise ways He's decided to stretch me this time. My job isn't really a job at all. Yes, I accomplish "work"..whatever that means anyways, but it truly is an opportunity to serve the Lord in many ways. It's my opportunity. It's my ministry. I am in a constant battle of the flesh--my selfishness, my wants, my feelings, etc. and reminded with an urgency that those have to be thrown (not placed) out the door if I'm to love others as He loves me. If I am to impact as He desires me to impact, for His glory, then I am to truly live His life, not mine. I am to give of my time, exhaust my patience, pour out my love, lavish grace, and exude in joy. You see, none of that is even mine to give, but His from the beginning so who am I to keep it to myself? There are more nights than not these past few months that I lay my head down and I am exhausted in every sense of the word. I don't have one more encouraging word, one ounce of patience left, or the energy to go up one flight of sitars. At least, that's how I feel. Truly though, should it be any other way?? Should I have anything left? Shouldn't I have poured out everything to those the Lord placed in my life that day in order to be filled back up by Him for another day? I often hear the words "in your weaknesses, I am strong" over and over and over in my head as I answer the phone again, get in my car again, console again. What a privilege!! What an honor to serve those He loves, adores, cherishes, created!

I came across a blog that truly spoke the teachings I hadn't put into words quite yet. Yet again, His perfect timing. It is titled EGRs . Here's a glimpse..

One category of "widows and orphans" that's easy to overlook is the socially poor. In one of my former circles, we referred to them as EGRs—extra grace required. I look back on that now and cringe. What made us think that we weren't EGRs ourselves? ...

...We all know such people (maybe you and I are among them), and they are among those whom God calls needy. They are typically very lonely people because sooner or later they alienate everyone around them. Such people aren’t in need of our money or anything material, which is why we often fail to recognize them as “widows and orphans.” What they need is our friendship. What they often get, if anything, is merely our pity, and after a polite word or two, we are quick to move away.To care for this sort of "widow and orphan" is sometimes nothing more than being willing to listen—again. It is to offer encouragement—again. It is to steer them along a godly path—again. It is to stay alongside them when every fiber of our being yearns to be anywhere but in their company. Gritting our teeth and doing it isn’t enough. They might be unable to tell the difference between politeness and genuine caring, but God can tell. Yet the only way we can do it without gritted teeth is by means of God’s grace. If we ask him for the ability to love the EGRs around us, he will give it to us. After all, he has only EGRs to love.

God has purposed me to be where I am right now. I am single and able to pour out to the college age Bible study that I help with-give rides, buy meals, and pray whole heatedly, I am able to stay at work late listening to a confused and broken heart, I am able to stay up way past bed time making rice crispy treats for the post-college life group I'm in and enjoy the smiles on the guys faces while eating them knowing they would most likely never make them themselves (I'm assuming, we'll see if it comes true tomorrow night :), I can drive to Dallas on a work night and stay out late when a friend needs me, I can go to Uganda and be changed from the inside out, I can serve my God and call to Him as my ultimate companion, comforter and all in all, knowing that He is truly all I need. I do pray one day, Lord willing, I will have a like minded partner to serve with. (Trust me, He hears many of these prayers!) If it's tomorrow He sends him my way, praise God! If it's way off in the future, I still praise you Father and ask for patience! haha...But for now, for today, truly I am so grateful for my life and the fact that it is full of making Rice Crispy Treats!!!

"Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you. Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other. And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient, with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else. Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

1 Thessalonians 5:12-18

Snapshots of Life

Time sure has flown by...here's a little update on the life of muah....

On December 19Th, 2008 I graduated with my Master's Degree in Counseling--Praise the Lord!! It was extremely surreal for a a while and now the newness has pretty much worn off. The day I hung my diploma on the wall I took a minute and just sat back and stared at it with a flood of memories--all the way back to before I graduated with my Bachelor's and not knowing what in the world I was going to do after graduation to moving back home, to the semester where I seriously questioned if I heard the Lord right to walking across the stage for the 3rd time in my life. That sheet of paper was so much more than it seemed hanging up on my office wall. It was full of hope, trials, tears, laughs, determination, doubt, support, and so much more. I am so grateful for this opportunity I was given and will forever be in awe of all the Lord knew my journey would include. To Him be all the glory! (Now if I could get my tail in gear and study for my LPC licence!)

My younger brother Jacob drove straight home to my graduation on the day he was no longer required to be on active duty in the Marine Corps. While he's not actively serving anymore, he will always be a Marine. That is clearly evident. I am so proud of him and words cannot describe how extremely grateful I am that he is home--and is safe. Isn't he handsome? :)

Jacob the Marine & Jacob the goof


Christmas came and went...it was good to spend it with the family minus Josh, Alison and my nephews since they were with the other side of their fam.


Me and my beautiful sis My family plus my dad's beard.


THEN..........JENNA AND DAVID CAME TO VISIT ME!! I met these two amazing people when I went to Uganda this past summer. David is from Uganda and Jenna is from California but has done mission work the past two summers in Uganda and so happened to be there the same time I was. Don't they make a cute couple? :) There is WAY too much to say to sum up their visit. I was blessed. So so blessed. I still can't believe David came to visit me...in my little 'ol home town...from Uganda. Crazy how the Lord works. I would have NEVER guessed that was His plan in bringing us together in friendship. We did many things while they were here...New Years Eve in Downtown Dallas, day trip to Oklahoma to see friends of David's, rode horses ( as you can see below) and met a real cowboy :) , and hung out enjoying each others company. I love these two. Absolutely love them.




David experienced many firsts...haha...



My nephews were dedicated to the Lord at their church!! I was so happy to be able to be there for this. I adore those babies. Look at how stinking cute they are. Gosh I miss them.

That's a very very quick summary. Maybe later I'll fill in. Probably not. haha.

Peace and Love.