- Growth is fun, especially with the peace of God.
- The tongue can be just as poisonous as a snake bite, if not more.
- I think I'm becoming a work-a-holic.
- I miss my sweet nephews.
- The Lord gives...and takes away...and can give again.
- My friendships give me an overflowing joy.
- God has blessed me with trials.
- I adore my sister.
- I need to get my hair cut.
- I have the best boss in the world.
- I love these people:
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Short and Sweet
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Be Armed!
Excellent exhortation here from Bishop J.C. Ryle, over a century ago:
You live in a world where your soul is in constant danger. Enemies are round you on every side. Your own heart is deceitful. Bad examples are numerous. Satan is always laboring to lead you astray. Above all false doctrine and false teachers of every kind abound. This is your great danger.To be safe you must be well armed. You must provide yourself with the weapons which God has given you for your help. You must store your mind with Holy Scripture. This is to be well armed.Arm yourself with a thorough knowledge of the written word of God. Read your Bible regularly. Become familiar with your Bible. . . . Neglect your Bible and nothing that I know of can prevent you from error if a plausible advocate of false teaching shall happen to meet you. Make it a rule to believe nothing except it can be proved from Scripture. The Bible alone is infallible. . . . Do you really use your Bible as much as you ought?There are many today, who believe the Bible, yet read it very little. Does your conscience tell you that you are one of these persons?If so, you are the man that is likely to get little help from the Bible in time of need. Trial is a sifting experience. . . . Your store of Bible consolations may one day run very low.If so, you are the man that is unlikely to become established in the truth. I shall not be surprised to hear that you are troubled with doubts and questions about assurance, grace, faith, perseverance, etc. The devil is an old and cunning enemy. He can quote Scripture readily enough when he pleases. Now you are not sufficiently ready with your weapons to fight a good fight with him. . . . Your sword is held loosely in your hand.If so, you are the man that is likely to make mistakes in life. I shall not wonder if I am told that you have problems in your marriage, problems with your children, problems about the conduct of your family and about the company you keep. The world you steer through is full of rocks, shoals and sandbanks. You are not sufficiently familiar either with lighthouses or charts.If so, you are the man who is likely to be carried away by some false teacher for a time. It will not surprise me if I hear that one of these clever eloquent men who can make a convincing presentation is leading you into error. You are in need of ballast (truth); no wonder if you are tossed to and fro like a cork on the waves.All these are uncomfortable situations. I want you to escape them all. Take the advice I offer you today. Do not merely read your Bible a little—but read it a great deal. . . . Remember your many enemies. Be armed!
Cited in J. I. Packer, 18 Words: The Most Important Words You Will Ever Know, pp. 40-41. (If anyone knows the location of the original Ryle quote--it's from a tract--let me know in the comments.)
Update: Norm writes: It is indeed from a tract, called "Bible Reading." It's available at the Bible Bulletin Board.
Blessings to All,
Jess
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Early to bed, Early to Rise
I guess I should probably update on my last post. He is home and doing extremely well considering all! The Lord never ceases to amaze me and for that I find myself running out of words to thank Him. He has allowed me to see Himself in this situation and I know He's only getting started! Thank you for your prayers! Please keep them coming. He and his family need them and I know I can speak for them when I say they appreciate each and every one.
I was blessed this past week to have some sweet, sweet girl time. I needed it. Bad. When I say I needed it, I don't mean "Yeah, it was nice and I'm glad it worked out." That is true; however, I mean that I cried out to God to PLEASE give me someone, anyone to talk to and laugh with and just BE with. He blessed me ten-fold. I had lunch with a precious friend who's honesty and sheer ability to express what she's feeling humbles me. She's not afraid to speak what's going on with her. I needed to see and hear that. The way the Lord uses us in each other's lives is just so fun and makes me so grateful. I stand in awe of Him because of the picture He paints of Himself and allowing me to see jut a taste of it in our friendship. I also got to hang out with the two gals I was roomies with in college for 2 years. Oh, man my heart just rejoices. I don't know that I could love them more. Kind of a bold thought, but true. Being able to share with each other our needs, our joys, and our lives with each other--even if it's only ever so often--is priceless. Plus, reminiscing about our college years never gets old. If you want to feel old, do just that. Just using the word reminisce makes me feel old. Ha. Oh, the good 'ol days. We definitely had many, many laughs thinking upon our time together at good 'ol 5315. Sometimes I wish I could go back. I don't doubt I would then probably want to move forward. It's amazing how that is.
Humility. I've had a good portion of this, this past week. So many times it can taste bitter doing down, but is food for the soul. It's a necessity. It's a crazy thing having the Lord reveal specific details from situations past that I otherwise would have never known. It is so completely obvious that the Lord protects me by hiding certain things from my eyes and then when He sees the time is right, for His glory, he slowly but surely reveals. Well, not always slowly. Sometimes it's like BAM--in your face. haha Regardless, He is so stinkin' faithful. I just love Him.
Thank you, sweet Jesus.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Joy and Pain, Sunshine and Rain
Just as the longest week of my life was coming to a joyous end on Friday, I got the news. I was in the middle of an adoption ceremony celebrating the life of this new family and was sharing tears of joy with many when a call came in telling us that one of my boys (well, I should say young man- he’s 17) that’s in adoptive placement was in a serious 4 wheeler accident and was being care flighted to the hospital. Immediately I was overwhelmed with the fact that two extremes could be happening at the SAME time--joy and celebration as well as pain and tragedy. I was sitting there doing everything I could to be there—fully—in that room celebrating the adoption as I was thinking, “Lord, what in the world are You doing? There must be a reason I don’t know all the details because I’m in here, but PLEASE sweet Jesus be wherever he is!” Of course, not having any details at the time allows for the mind to wonder. As I think about it, pain and suffering as well as joy and celebration happen at the same time each and every day.
Our awareness of it is a different story.
As soon as my boss and I were able to head out to the hospital we did. We spent all evening up there and I didn’t get home until pretty late. Boy, I’ll tell you what—I will be okay if I NEVER have to be asked to go into a ‘family room’ at a hospital ever again. Just the feeling you get as you walk in there is awful—not to mention the waiting.
The information received last night was that he has a C7 fracture of his spine as well as a fracture on the bottom of his skull. He also had to have his scalp stapled shut because it was torn open—basically scalped. We were also informed that he had a minor cranial bleed that they were thinking would heal on it’s own but were keeping an eye on everything just to make sure. By the grace of God nothing affected his nerves and his spinal cord was not harmed at all. He was able to move his arms and legs. They intibated him because he was so heavily sedated, so at the time he wasn’t breathing on his own. After hours of waiting we finally got to go into ICU to see him. I cried as I prayed for him and talked to him as if he could hear me. Words just can’t describe something like this. I wanted him to open his eyes. I wanted him to squeeze my hand. I wanted to see life. I knew of course, by what the doctors told us, that it would just be a matter of time for the morphine to wear off and him to wake up, but having that knowledge and seeing it with my own eyes didn’t seem to be enough.
We got news before we left for the hospital this morning that he had woken up at 4 this morning and was talking and being his usual sarcastic self! When we got there and we walked into the ICU where he was, I could have wept as I walked up to the side of the bed—his mom holding his hand and him opening his eyes looking at me and saying “Hi, Jess”.
Life. The joy life brings.
I had the privilege to laugh many, many times with him (and at him in a not mean way J --that pain medicine will make you say some funny stuff) today and enjoy the sweet fellowship of his parents love for their son. I was blessed to see the unwavering and unconditional love of a Father this morning. As his son reached out and said “I love you, Dad” in a weak and scratchy voice and watched the father say it back with tears in his eyes, I saw Jesus.
The most updated news is that he has some minor fractures also in his T vertebrae, but these will heal on their own. He will have to wear a neck collar for 10-12 weeks for the C7 break to heal. He was moved out of ICU tonight and into his own room. Praise, Jesus! He is going to be okay. Each and every doctor and nurse that came to see him (trust me, there were a ton) stated something to the fact that he is lucky. I get what they mean, of course, but each and every time it’s as if I could hear the Lord saying, “I am sovereign. Luck has nothing to do with this.” I praise Jesus for His sovereignty and His miracle working ability to protect this young man. He could have taken him if He wanted, but He didn’t. PLEASE keep him in your prayers. They are extremely needed and I know I can speak on behalf of him and his parents that they are greatly appreciated.
Right before I left the hospital today I was sitting holding Trey’s hand and watching him sleep just thanking the Lord for his life and praying He would use this in Trey’s life to be glorified and just marveling at just how great our God is and a nurse walked by behind us singing. He sang, “Joy….and Pain, Sunshine…and Rain…” I smiled as the truth and simplicity of those words sunk in.
It summed up everything perfectly.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Thank You for Laughter
First off, this has been the longest week I've had...it seems like EVER! Get this-on Tuesday night I fell asleep at 8:30 p.m. and slept the whole night. Do ya think I was tired?! :) I woke up and had a monster of an imprint on both my arms. I don't think I moved once in my sleep. Jesus has been so faithful to lift me up and give me the strength to move right along. This may not seem like a big deal to some, but the Lord blessed me with something so sweet yesterday. Laughter. It get's better though--that morning I woke up and as I drove to work I was praying (I LOVE my car time with the Lord) I simply stated, " Ok, Jesus--today is a new day. Can you please allow me an opportunity to really laugh? I could really use it today." Well, needless to say, He heard my prayer and chose to answer it. I found myself laughing (pretty hard) that afternoon and all of a sudden I became aware that I was acutally laughing. Jesus wanted me to realize His answered prayer and I was able to thank Him on the spot. Oh, what a loving God I serve!!
Also, I heard something yesterday that has stuck in my mind and I've really been thinking on it since... Hope is more than optimism.
Ok, need to go. I hope you are blessed with the opportunity to laugh...and laugh hard today. It just feels so darn good! :)
Oh, p.s. --in case you haven't noticed i'm putting pics up from Africa as I go...Lord knows I have enough to last me a looong time!
Boy, there was a lot of laughter when this picture was taken. I laughed, and more importantly, all of the children did. They just couldn't believe a mzungu would be able to jump rope with them! (I silently prayed I wouldn't get slapped in the side of the head with the rope and then jumped in!)
Rejoicing in the Lord,
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Heart Strings
~Matthew 7:14
So, lots of things have been going on in my head as well as my heart lately. There are times I'm so thankful the Lord knows my thoughts, desires, and intimate secrets because quite honestly I'm not always sure I even do. In fact, I know there are times I don't. Other than that, I don't know what I should even type about at the moment much less if I even should. I'll just leave you with a very small piece of my journal for today that I pray will speak to you. May Jesus do whatever it takes to draw you to Him. It may not be easy, but will always be worth it.
Blessings to all.
"This life is not about self-actualization. It’s not about figuring out
what I am meant to do. My purpose is to know You, Lord. You spoke
volumes to me about this leading up to Africa, as well as in Africa. You
even continue to teach me now that I’m back. So, you want me to know
you? You are crying out for me to seek you in all of this confusion
in my head. I’m trying, Lord. Don’t try. Do it. I hear you, Jesus. You have given me the ability to know you. For goodness sake, your Spirit resides in my heart. It’s not of me, anyways. It never is. I don’t mean to make it all about me, Jesus. I hate how somehow it usually does end up that way. I’m being distracted... Okay, I get it. I'm allowing myself to be distracted. There are so many distractions. Please, Lord—help me to focus only on You and pleasing you in EVERYTHING that I do."
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Relevant Ramblings
God has shown me, I've noticed, and I've been thinking about a number of things both while in Africa and also since being back. I figured it'd be good to get them all out of my head--who knows, maybe it'll give you something to think about, too.
One of my first nights in Africa I had a conversation with the ladies about miracles. One of them asked me, "Hey Jess, when you pray, do you pray for extraordinary things? Do you pray for things that wouldn't make logical sense to another person?" After thinking a second I had to respond telling her that most of the time I didn't. My prayers for the most part are pretty logical and concrete. She then asked me why do I think that is? Why don't I (and people in general) pray for the extraordinary? Why don't we pray for miracles? That question lingered in my mind for the next day or so and I came to the conclusion because we--because I-- lack faith. I serve an extraordinary God who performs the "illogical" in human eyes, yet I fail to have faith to even ask what He tells us He can do, and has already done. "You have not, because you ask not" kept running through my head over and over. Then, we went out to our first camp the day after arriving in Gulu. It's amazing looking back at all of the details and how the Lord planned out everything so perfect and how He had everything happen in such amazing timing. I had the opportunity to pray for 3 hours for and over at least 100 people needing healing--both physically and more importantly, spiritually. I was able to pray for healing--miraculous healing! I was even tempted to be discouraged because I didn't have an interpreter to translate my prayers to the individuals I was praying for and then the Lord quickly reminded me that it is HIM who hears the prayers and has the power to answer them. Translator or not, He knew what the needed before I even came into the picture! Through out the whole rest of the time in Africa, He showed me how powerful the prayers of the faithful and righteous can be. He revealed Himself to me in ways that others may not ever see. The fact that He would choose to open my eyes to such an awe inspiring King baffles me. Truly, it does. I also listened to the prayers of those I came to love there at Favour of God and realized that I don't hear their prayers often in America. I was able to talk to a number of them about that exact thing and I had one guy say to me, "It's simple. In America it seems that everything is at your fingertips. Something is wrong, there's something to 'fix' it. No one leaves any room for the Lord to do His work--or even sees it when He does, which is all of the time." Faith is not needed for the seen. Faith is needed for the unseen. Miracles are real and I don't ever want to miss out on seeing the Lord's hand on ANYTHING, especially the things that so many fail to even acknowledge.
Learning about a person and knowing a person are two completely different things. The Lord told me before I went that I was to truly get to know the people I came in contact with. I didn't know what all that consisted of and what exactly He desired of me. I now see that He wanted to change my heart, and not just my head. He wanted to impact the people in Uganda with the compassion he bestowed upon me for a lifetime, not just a week, and He didn't just want me to have a story to tell others but a Truth-filled, real life, burden. In the process, Jesus seemed to consistently whisper to me "This is what I desire of you...for you to know me, and not just about me." Now, I have seen the difference it makes by my own eyes. Just as I find myself wanting to be known--by those I care about--my family, close friends, and Lord willing, my future husband. I mean really, how bad would it suck to be married to someone who knows about you and doesn't truly know you for you?! Think about it. Jesus wants us to KNOW HIM. We can never come close to knowing Him as He knows us since He is the one who created us, but what a ride it is to earnestly try! It's a win/win deal.
How we view the Lord determines our walk with Him. I'm going to speak in stereotypes for a minute, so hang in there. It is not uncommon today to hear many talk about Jesus being their 'homeboy' and 'best pal' who understands when they do something they shouldn't and doesn't judge and therefore they go out again and again...and again not caring the slightest about the consequences or what anyone thinks, yada yada. Now, please don't hear me wrong. Jesus literally is my best friend and He does love me, and you, regardless of your mess-ups. And He will forgive over and over, just as He has with me many times. What I'm getting at is the way the African believers viewed Jesus was truly inspirational. He isn't just some guy. He is real. He is the risen KING. He is Holy. Righteous. They bow down to Him knowing they don't deserve to even stand in His presence. For some reason it just seems that in our culture His deity is played down to our liking...to make us feel better about who WE are instead of lifting up His name and portraying who HE Is. I don't ever want to be guilty of taking anything away from the character of Jesus Christ the Almighty Savior just to satisfy my desire to feel better about anything. The sad thing is, I have no doubt I have. It really forced me to honestly look at myself, my desires, and purge out anything unhealthy in the way I view my Lord.
I noticed something in the Believers while in Africa. It took a little bit to put words to what I saw. It was genuineness. Pure genuineness. There was a confidence among them that was immensely attractive. Not in the "I want to marry you attractiveness" But a general attractiveness. Well, as I sit here thinking about it and want to be completely honest, maybe a little of the "I could marry someone like this attractiveness." :) Anyways, I saw them using their talents and gifts in a way that glorified the Lord and blessed others. I was overwhelmingly blessed!! --to tears at times. (I'll go into that here in a minute) I realized they were lacking something that I myself have been guilty of too many times. False humility. There have been times where a person has complimented me on something--a God given ability--and I've done the whole shy away thing and discredited any compliment. For instance, those of you who know me know that I have a passion for music and enjoy singing. For years I didn't even venture out to do the thing that brought me joy and the Lord glory because I was too timid and took too much credit in myself by caving into my insecurities. Even today I don't step out in faith at times when on the inside I am dieing to leap. I didn't see or sense a soul hesitating one bit to glorify the Lord in what He has gifted them with. Whether it was preaching, singing, teaching, encouraging, playing music, etc.--they used it ALL with joy and confidence in the One whom created them AND their gift/talent. Talk about a humbling lesson from the One up above! Challenging to say the least. This goes for getting in front of people and speaking also. I had a number of opportunities while in Africa to share my testimony and give an encouraging word. I praise Jesus He has shown me that I am merely the vessel and He is everything else! The few times I was nervous He blew me away. I opened my mouth and His words came out. What a joy it is to know that He changes hearts and what He asks of me is obedience. If I am willing to truly surrender myself to His will, He is readily willing to move mountains.
There is freedom in crying. I believe it with every ounce of my being. I cry-that's no secret. I can cry a lot. It's one of the ways I pour out my heart to the Lord and gives me a release. Extreme joy-cry. Extreme frustration-cry. You get the picture. In Uganda the culture is so extremely different than mine. That's a given. Emotions aren't something seen on the outside very often, especially the men's. I have to be honest, it was just a little humorous to see their reaction to me when I cried--just because they didn't know what to do but to say "So sorry!" I had to explain once when I had tears rolling down my face as I was listening to one of the young men tell me about his past and the things he endured that it wasn't a lack of confidence in the power of the Lord that I was crying but because I was sad and that I can be sad and have FULL assurance in the Lord's plan and protection at the same time! It really made me think though. Of course my mind goes for a minute to the counselor part of me. I just can't help it at times! :) All this to say that as dorky as it may sound I am grateful for the ability to cry and not be ashamed of my emotions. While they shouldn't be something I depend on because Lord knows they every direction possible at a whim, they definitely serve a purpose!
There is a ton more that has been going on in my head the past few days, but I'm exhausted and should probably go to bed so I'll leave it at that for now. I am still amazed at how much I miss Gulu and the people there. I was praying and wondering today if it's something that will ever go away.
I decided that I don't want it to.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Here, there, everywhere...
On Sunday June 22nd I was able to go to Gulu Bible Church with a number of people from Favour of God Ministries. This is Norma's church in Gulu. It was amazing. I'm telling you, I absolutely LOVE, LOVE, LOVE how they so freely worship the Lord. My muzungu self enjoyed dancing right along with everyone else! :) The message was solid and the love of Christ was overflowing! I was also able to go into the military barracks and walk right into the hospital. We literally walked up to every single bed and share the Gospel. A number of men surrendered their life to the Lord that day and a ton others were able to be encouraged in their walk. It seemed so simple. The willingness to receive the Gospel truly blew me away and I praised God for it! The Lord revealed a part of Himself to me and I will never be the same. I was also able to hear detailed stories of some of the guys there are Favour of God and the Lord's redemptive power overwhelmed me. No words can express what it's like to sit in front of a Godly young man who has been through what seems like Hell on earth and listen to him glorify a risen King giving Him glory for EVERYTHING and being emotionally moved at just how much His Savior loves and adores him. No words.
Tuesday June 24th--I had a serious meltdown. It was a mixture of things--it's always humbling to repent, apologize, suck it up, and move on. All the while not being able to stop crying...it was all good though--He's faithful and a mighty comforter! :)
Wednesday June 25th was our last full day in Gulu. I was dreading it. We got up and had the morning devotion like they do every single morning before starting the day. It was Norma's turn and the Lord used her to speak clearly to me. I don't want to be anywhere He is not. I desperately desire to be in His will consistently! I had the opportunity to talk for a while with yet another lovely young man of God who was genuinely interested in the Lord's work in my life. I was able to share with him just how amazing God is using examples in my life and I was blessed even more by his encouraging words and his desire to pray specifically for an area in my life. Man, his confidence and pure faith in the Lord just made me want to jump up and down!! :) Then we went and picked up Jenna (a sweet, sweet girl from California living in Gulu for the summer-instant friend!) and headed to town to shop for a little bit. That was fun. Martin and Judith had a little fair well for us and of course I bawled my eyes out as my team and I stood in a circle holding hands as everyone else stood around us praying for us and thanking the Lord for our time there. Sheesh it was hard. This night I had already decided I was going to be up pretty late because it was the last night and I wanted to spend time with my new friends as much as possible before I left. The Lord blessed me beyond measure. I had great conversation and won't forget it.
Thursday June 26th I was up by 5 (after going to bed at 2) and got everything together and ready to head out. I was sad and got in my usual mood when I don't want to think about leaving people I care greatly about...quiet and some what standoffish. I shed my tears, gave my hugs, and said my goodbyes. We headed to the fish farm again to eat lunch and then to Murchison falls. OH and get this. I had 200 pictures on my memory card that got deleted right after I left the Mission House. I was doing everything I could not to completely lose it. I know, just pictures right? But not to me...it's memories...so much more than just a picture. Just when I was about to lost it a thought came to my mind--the night before David wanted to get my pics so he downloaded them all onto his computer. PRAISE JESUS HE HAD THEM ALL ON HIS COMPUTER! I couldn't help but smile---praise God for doing that for me. Now I'll just have to wait to get them in October when Norma gets back instead of not having them at all! Anyways, we got to Murchison Falls and it was so beautiful! I got to go on a boat ride down the Nile river that afternoon. I sat there thinking, "Man, I am actually on the Nile River, in Africa, in love with the Lord, tomorrow is my bday, it can't get much better than this!!" :) I did a lot of thanking the Lord that day. I also got to talk to mom and dad for a couple of minutes this night--it was good to hear their voices.
Friday June 27th--my day of birth 24 years ago. Now if waking up to a beautiful sunrise over the Nile River isn't surreal I don't know what is. I woke up to Norma's beautiful voice singing me happy bday. It was sweet. Then we headed out on the Safari. Yet again, awesome bday present from the Lord! :) I even got to take a nap this day!! haha Then, it rained for a bit and I got to enjoy the smell of the rain. Talking about rain--maybe it's just me, but rain has a smell to me...which I LOVE...is that true for anyone else? The reason I ask is I said that in Africa and one of the ladies was like, "What?? What does rain smell like??" and looked at me like I was crazy and for the first time I realized that not everyone may think that rain has a smell..a good smell. You should have heard me trying to explain what rain smells like to the Africans. I'm sure it would have been pretty amusing to hear. I realized something this day. I missed Gulu like a person would miss home. I don't exactly know what that means, but I know the Lord will show me in His timing. Oh, and I actually got a bday call!! David called me to wish me a happy bday which was a sweet surprise. I didn't expect to get a call since I was in Africa, of course. I just love the small things. That night at dinner I was surprised with the wait staff coming out with a bday cake and candles singing happy bday to me. Yet again, a sweet surprise. Butch arranged it all that morning with the chef. I thank the Lord for special people he has placed in my life. This bday will definitely be a bday to remember!!
Saturday June 28th we drove up the the top of Murchsion Falls. Gosh it was so pretty. There were rainbows going over the water! Then we headed to have lunch at Maggie's and off to Kampala. I spend a lot of time this night reflecting on the past 2 weeks. A lot.
Sunday June 29th we went shopping around Kampala and then that evening at 10:30 left for Amsterdam. From Amsterdam to Dallas. Loooong flights are definitely an experience. We got in an hour late , but safe and sound. Dad and Katie picked me up and that's when I was informed we were heading straight to Tulsa from the airport. I put a smile on my face (even though I wanted to cry because I was so tired and felt funny and wanted to sleep in my own bed for just one night) and slept practically the whole way there. Now, I'm in Illinois and you are up to date!
Long post...but so few words to talk about something words can't describe.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Zombie anyone?
Dinner time...yumm
This is one of my favorite pictures...
The Lord's beautiful creation...
They weren't as cute as I remember when playing hungry,hungry hippo as a child :)
At dinner the night of my bday with the surprise cake...
One of the many bday gifts from the Lord to ME! (at the top of the Murchison Falls)