I heard the familiar sound of a motor bike pull into the compound on Monday. Since I was the only one on the compound, or probably one of two people, I had an inkling of who it could be. The oh, so familiar prayer for the Lord to give me His words and direct the conversation was upon my lips again as I sat in my room waiting….ah, there it is. “Jeska? Hello. Jeska!”
Innocent.
Last time he was looking for Kaya, and I think found himself in an in depth conversation with me about the Lord. This time, he didn’t ask where Kaya was. He asked if I was able to get him the Bible I had mentioned I would try and get for him. I was honestly a bit surprised! I hadn’t talked to anyone about getting it yet, and told him so. Of course, then started all of the questioning about why I hadn’t. Did I not have time, was it not important, did I just say I would and not intend to, etc. to which I had to remind him to sloooowwww down, and listen for my answer! I can’t help but smile each time he starts going as I’m waiting for him to get it all out so I can ask him if he’s ready for me to answer.
My conversations with Innocent leave me feeling drained at the end. It’s not a bad drained, but drained none-the-less. They take all of me. They require so much patience and much, much discernment in what to say, when. When I heard him drive up, I let out a deep breath. Do you ever simply just not want to talk? I mean, you know when you talk to someone it’s not going to be quick and simple? Well, I do. I was sort of feeling that way as he drove up. I know it may not be the “top of the line Christian thing” to admit, but its real life for ya. I praise God that I didn’t allow the way I “felt” let me miss out on this conversation. I’ve had to ask for forgiveness many times in the past for passing up opportunities the Lord put specifically in my way. It’s simply a matter of obedience. Oh, how I desire to obey and to obey joyfully.
So, Innocent takes a seat on the rocks right outside my door, under the tree. After a few minutes, I pull up a few rocks myself. Haha. Innocent and I discussed a lot of the same things, just in different contexts this time. There was a funeral up the road that TONS of people were going to. It’s a 3-7 day affair here after the burial. God used this to bring up death and the reality that we go SOMEWHERE when we die. I just love how he orchestrates conversation that way. He always does. So, then Innocent looks at me and innocently (no pun intended) looks at me and says, “Jeska, you know for sure where you are going when you die?” Oh, man with a confidence only Christ offers, I gleefully said, “Oh, yes I do.” To which he says, “For sure, for sure?!!” which was a bit out of disbelief. I think I used all of the solid, affirming, confident words in my vocabulary to express just how sure I was! Christ swung the door wide open and now it was time to allow His Truth to flood out. He was told again WHY I was absolutely positive I would be with Jesus in Heaven for eternity. We discussed forgiveness…who it’s for, the purpose, what it means if we don’t, etc. Come to find out, Innocent’s father was murdered and he had a child that was kidnapped and killed also. Try to talk about forgiveness with those circumstances. It’s hard. My heart just ached for him. We discussed what exactly a relationship is. What does a relationship actually LOOK like tangibly?! That then got us into reading the Word, and going to church, and praying. Of course, we kept coming back to simple faith and receiving the gift of salvation that Christ offers. Towards the end of our hour and a half conversation Innocent looked at me with a grin on his face and asked me if I thought he was born again. So, I just returned it with a smile and asked him if he thought he was born again. I knew he wanted to hear MY answer. So, I reminded him what the Bible says it means to be born again. I wanted nothing of ME to be what he leaves with. We had discussed already his reliance on what his priests tell him and him having to be told the hard truth by me (so not politically correct) that some of the things he says he’s been told simply are lies. So, I wanted him to have NO reliance upon me, but on what the Word of God says.
From where we left things, I still don’t think Innocent gets it. He’s still very stubborn to his life changing. But, friends, I do believe it’s a matter of time. He said he’ll be back by in a couple weeks. I intend to have a Bible for him. Continue to pray that the Holy Spirit will work on his heart and that it will please the Lord to allow all of these seeds to sprout!!
I went to bed on Monday night and it was SO MUCH cooler than it has been. I just laid there in bed thanking the Lord for this and fully savoring the fact that I was simply comfortable! I tell you, it was heaven on earth, friends!!
Each night as I lay down the day’s events scroll through my head. I find myself overflowing with thanks here. For some reason it’s easier to see all of the blessings throughout the day. I think it’s because nothing is taken for granted here, not for the most part. Nothing is ever promised, but here that is a reality. They don’t always have the “things” to distract from that hard truth. So, the fact that I have a bed to lie in, I am thankful. The fact that I eat beans every single day, most days twice, I am thankful. Most don’t have that luxury. You can go on and on and on. I laid there thinking about how I was talking with Sam earlier that night. He’s a guy from Sierra Leon staying here for a couple weeks as he is doing his children’s ministry in the area. I didn’t have anything out in the markets or the office on Monday, so it was another day to read, spend significant time with the Lord, help Alice out in the kitchen, etc. He always asks how my day was and I told him about my convo with Innocent and his response is, “Wow!! You had an amazingly productive day!! Praise the Lord!”
Perspective. There is so much in perspective. Many would assume that not much was accomplished since I didn’t check of a large to-do list. I mean, I didn’t even leave the compound! But, Sam beautifully reminded me that often the most important things accomplished are not seen. Much was accomplished today in my conversation with Innocent. Heavenly accomplishments. Oh, for more grace to have His perspective all of the time!
Guess what?!!! I woke up on Tuesday morning, opened my eyes, and realized I HAD SLEPT THROUGH THE WHOLE NIGHT!!!!! I may or may not have given a little “woohoo!!” sitting there under my mosquito net. J
I was refreshed. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Everything was so different that the previous days. I am amazed at how you don’t really realize what you are lacking sometimes until it is there again! While I was having good days, genuinely enjoying them and the people around me, there was a joy that had been missing…lightheartedness, really. I felt so much “lighter” as I was up and getting ready for the day.
Tuesday was simply a beautiful, filling day.
I started my day out by heading up to the SE office to do an IA2 group with the staff. I really was just so excited to do this with them! It ended up being a few of the staff and the rest those that are in the vocational school. There were around 15 of us total! It went so well and I was immensely encouraged. I was able to watch and see, too, that it isn’t just me that has to pull teeth to get group interaction and input. I saw how the SE staff also had to encourage and say over and over that opinions and comments were wanted, please communicate, etc. So, can you please be praying that God will really move in the hearts of those in these groups and give them a boldness to share openly and not be intimidated or fearful of being “wrong”. I can see how the enemy would just love to hinder in that way. Also, please pray that I will be given wisdom in knowing how to make it easier and more comfortable for them. I can’t change this white skin of mine, but I’m willing to pretty much do anything else! All in all, though, it was a major success!! Now, success is tricky…how are we to measure success? When I say success what I mean is that growth occurred. Plain and simple. There were a number of times that when directly asked or encouraged to share some awesome insight was given on the Scripture and there were at least 2 solid questions asked from women who didn’t understand certain things about the scripture. We went over Phil 3:3-9 and one lady was bold enough (after I made eye contact with her because I could tell her mind was just a working) to say that she didn’t understand what it meant by saying “we who are the circumcision”…what did that mean? I mean, that is a solid question! Before I could even open my mouth, one of the SE staffers explained it beautifully using other scripture references to explain the importance and significance of that. I’m pretty sure I was sitting there with a cheesy grin on my face watching it all happen before me. Growth.
Then, Scovia grabbed me and said we were headed to Wudu market. I really do find myself so excited to see all the Lord has in store. It VERY unpredictable and always so interestingly fun! Off we went. Can I share with you one of the many things that bless me so? As Scovia and I are walking we just talk away about anything and everything and we’ll joke and laugh and she’ll grab my hand and swing it back and forth as we walk. It’s one of those moments that the lens focuses out and I get a bird’s eye view of my life. It’s simply beautiful and amazingly humbling. I love it.
Come to find out we were there to help out a loan officer and do a loan repayment meeting. Sounded good to me! I was happy to get to actually see what it all looked like. I wish I could do justice in explaining how the market place is. There are so many bright colors, people here and there, bargaining, buying, talking, and visiting. For a people watcher like me, it was right up my alley! We stopped at one of the clients places (I’m at a loss for words as to what to call it..not really a store, but a tiny space with her products). I recognized her!!! I’ll mention more about my revelation of recognizing people in a bit. So, I got to visit with Milly and her daughter Rose as Scovia went off to do more business elsewhere in the market. I actually felt like I blended in a bit. Imagine that! I was watching and learning.
Scovia came back and told me that there were some ladies that wanted to meet me! Still, my first reaction is, “Me?? Who would want to meet me?!” But then, it clicks and I remember that people have been told about me coming. It’s a bit strange and I’m sure there is a significant spiritual tie I could bring into it. So, I’m taken over to an actual store front where 4 women warmly greet me. Scovia says, Okay, I’ll leave you here to visit and share about IA2 and heads off. Just writing that puts a smile to my face, because I just picture myself standing there. Sometimes I really do just laugh out loud at how God orchestrates everything. It’s just humorous sometimes. So, I walk in under the awning and take a seat. I was praising God that it was a seat just like theirs, a tiny wooden stool about 5 inches off the ground. I just don’t like always being given the nice chair and sitting above everyone. Sitting with them just feels so much better and right. So, right off the bat I was comforted to learn that Monica, one of the SE clients, knew English really well. Can I just say again how nice it is to be able to communicate one on one? So, there I was, getting to know these 4 beautiful ladies, all in a SE loan group. Come to find out, one of the original ones. I got to learn a bit about each of their stories, their families, and their progress and growth because of SE. Monica would translate for the other ladies after she and I would talk for a bit. I talked to them about the IA2 groups and they genuinely seemed excited. I was taking it all in and my heart was so full. I feel the most alive when I am interacting and with the people. Right then, right there…that’s what it is all about. Learning, laughing, loving. All was well with my soul. So, after a while we finished up, prayed, and I went back to Milly’s area. Scovia was finished as well so we started our way out of the market. As we were walking down the road I was trying to refresh my memory of all the names I had just learned. I desperately try and remember all that I can. So, Scovia is reminding me one of the women’s names was Monica. She said it a few times. Then, all of a sudden clue into the fact that I hear a man’s voice saying, “Monica!” I didn’t really put much to it. Then again, “Monica! Monica! Monica!” I look at Scovia and we both turn our heads to the area it was coming from and it all clicked. He heard her tell me the name Monica and assumed it was my name! He was calling me!! Scovia and I both laughed and she looked at me and said, “Let’s go!” So, we turn around and go towards the man (men) sitting there at the store front. I wondered what the Lord had in store this time. He wanted to know why I was here, wanted to talk to me. I don’t know that I can sufficiently express how surreal, yet awesome it is to be able to be pull up a chair and say to someone (who has asked!), “I have come here for a purpose. It’s not just to visit with you and the Sudanese, but to share the Truth of Jesus Christ. I come in His name and His name alone.” I mean, literally I say that word for words sometimes. And get this, they LISTEN!! Now, I just have to trust Jesus to do His thing and work on his heart. He put down the alcohol upon us walking up, and I could smell it on his breath. He was told about the IA2 group meeting on Monday by the church. He told me he would do everything he could to be there. Here’s to praying this happens!!!
Scovia and I began our walk back to the office quietly. Then she says, “You just can’t afford to pass up those opportunities!” I was thinking the same thing. I mean, I am often asked to share about Jesus here. I am called over to people and the door is opened WIDE. I looked at her and said, “I belong with the drunks. I really do!” She smiled. I came here thinking I was going to specifically work with Rapha, the alcohol recovery ministry that was started here, and Lord willing He has in in His plans for that to still happen!! But, I’ve come to realize that I am actively participating in this ministry almost every day as the Lord brings these men and women to me. Most everyone I’ve personally talk to one on one has been drunk, or at least has been drinking to some extent. God loves them. In fact, He adores them. My heart also aches for them to know the all surpassing love of my Savior. Oh, for them to fill that enormous void with Christ.
I realized something on Tuesday. I am starting to recognize people as I’m out and out. And, it’s not just recognizing, but actually knowing people! This is HUGE for me. If you know me at all, you know that I am a people person through and through. You may or may not know this but I put purposeful effort into remembering people’s names. One too many times I had the experience of feeling what it was like in college to literally have met someone like 6 times and yet they would come up to me and say, “Hi, I’m so and so. What’s your name?” So, I would smile and say, “Oh, I’m Jessica…I’m pretty sure we’ve met before” if I was feeling bold. If not, I’d just re-introduce myself again. And I could remember almost each and every time we had met, the conversation we had, etc. Now, that being said, I think I’ve just been given that type of memory. All of that being said, names are so important. They are in essence who we are. So, being placed in an environment where I meet someone but can’t even understand what they are saying to me much less their name is hard for me! So, it clicked for me. I was driving to the office on the motorbike and passed like 3 people who I knew by name and greeted as we drove by! We were walking to the market and we passed by a SE client that I recognized and was able to genuinely greet! We were driving by on the motor bike to head out to a village and I hear my name called. It was Moses from last week, who surrendered His life to the Lord! He had a huge grin on his face and I yelled “Doparana!!” as we went by. Oh, my joy. When we went to the market, I recognized Milly and Rose from the Education Seminar. This is huge! When you know people and they know you, it helps wherever you are to feel more like home.
I got back to the compound that evening just bubbling with joy.
I slept soundly that night.
All was right.
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