Tuesday March 1st
So, my day started with me opening my eyes, looking up at my mosquito net, and asking the Lord for strength for the day. I knew I would an extra dose. I got up and ready and didn’t feel like I was acting different, but after two people asked me if I was okay, I figured my face was showing what I was feeling on the inside. Oh, to wear my heart on my sleeve.
We (the team) had our last meeting this morning and we shared everything that the Lord accomplished yesterday since we didn’t get to last night. We talked about our feelings from the whole week, lessons learned, etc. I shared, thanked the team for their love and encouragement, and of course cried. Of course. Many shared their feelings regarding me and of course that made me cry, too. That’s no surprise to those of you who know me well. J It was one of those times when you have the huge lump in your throat and you know if you don’t keep it there it will become an ugly cry!! You know what I mean? So, we got done and I was trying my best to be strong. The team loaded up in the vehicles and as they were driving off I lost it.
I was so thankful that God provided them to me and that He allowed me to ease into being here. I made some awesome, Godly friendships and He allowed many to be added to my prayer warriors for my time here. I was just so humbled and thankful. Then of course, in addition to that I was overwhelmed with feeling alone. The nitty gritty had begun.
Gloria, Kaya’s wife, was standing with me and I looked at her, tears just a flowing down my cheeks, and reminded her I had told her I would cry! I laughed a little out of embarrassment all while crying even harder just standing there in the middle of the compound. She just kept saying, “So sorry! Don’t cry, Jessica. So sorry” and was wiping my tears away as they kept coming. Here was this sweet, petite, 8 and half month pregnant woman telling ME not to cry! She was Jesus to me in that moment…gently wiping away my tears as I could see it pained her to see me cry. I gathered myself together and she said, “They leave and you get to see God here!!” I couldn’t help but smile and say, “You are so right. I am truly the blessed one.” I went into my room and the pang of everything hit me so hard. Thus, began the ugly cry I had been fighting down along with lots and lots of praying. It was such a sweet time with the Lord. Hard, but good.
I was set to meet with Scovia at 3 and did so at 5:30. J The Lord knew I needed that day with Him. I read and prayed and sang and cried. Sometimes it seemed all at once!! Haha…
5:30 came and I was so extremely blessed by Scovia. I thank God for her and greatly look forward to working and living life with her! As I had prayed for, communication was clear and I feel that we truly have one purpose. I think my favorite part of our meeting was when I was going on and on about details and when and where and what, etc. and Scovia looks at me and says, “Jessica, this is where we trust the Spirit will guild and show us.” with her beautiful, huge smile. All I could say was, “Yes, thank you for that.” Talk about Jesus grabbing my shoulders and saying, “SLOW DOWN, CHILD! TRUST IN ME!” I have a feeling this will most def. not be the only time I need this reminder.
So, here’s the plan so far with discipleship:
· There are 7 market places that Seed Effect is currently working in; we will start with 5.
· We will start with once a week meetings for each market.
· They have monthly education seminars for Seed Effect Clients, I will do a discipleship training the day after each of those seminars in each of the locations to give a broad idea of what to expect.
· The March schedule for the edu. Seminars will be made soon, so I will know when to start my training.
· First things first, I will get the world out in the markets so they can be expecting and prepared.
· I am Second Discipleship Groups will be the tool for discipleship.
Please pray for all of what I have mentioned. I am so excited and encouraged. As I told Scovia, the possibilities are endless!!!
Wednesday March 2nd
First official day.
I was picked up by Seed Effect’s Operational Director this morning and off we went to the SE offices. I hadn’t been to that compound yet so he graciously offered to show me around from place to place introducing me to many, many people. I tell you what, it’s a task to remember everyone, especially since I am a name person and put effort into remembering!! So. Many. People. We then walked down to Water Harvest’s compound and to my pleasant surprise Norma walked up!! I had thought she had already left for Kampala for a week! Obviously, I heard her wrong. The comfort she brings me is unexplainable. Yet another one of God’s huge blessings to me. Only he could have orchestrated her and I being a mere mile and a half away! She took me around and showed me her life there at Water Harvest/Mobile Medical. I helped her with this and that for a bit, got to visit briefly with the Water Harvest guys Stephen and Grant, and John and just enjoyed finally getting to see what I’ve been hearing all about! After a while I headed back over to the SE offices…just a short walk up the road. I sat and talked with Kenneth and Scovia briefly about what we had discussed.
Okay, so here comes my brutal honestly. Ready? You get it all on here. I then sat there between the2 of them in the back office and was just overcome with feeling so out of place-almost as if I simply just didn’t belong. I didn’t have a “task” to do and both were busy on their computers. I wasn’t really asked for my input on anything (heaven forbid!!), and it became extremely clear that Seed Effect has FULLY competent and really gifted workers. I really was so impressed and it blessed me to see. On the other hand it added to my silly feelings of uselessness. I thought what in the world was the use of me? (I know, I know…I’m just being real.) So, I’m sitting there and am praying against all of these thoughts and emotions asking God to remind me of all his promises. A few minutes later both Scovia and Kenneth got up and went somewhere; I just assumed right outside the office. 45 minutes go by and I had decided just to read the Word. I had nothing else to do and I needed it. The all too familiar ball in my throat was making an appearance and the last thing I wanted was to randomly start crying and freak everyone out! Haha I was struggling. I was literally sitting back there all alone and feeling so lost. Someone then came and got me telling me it was time for lunch. Thank God, I was going to interact with people. Come to find out Scovia and Kenneth were gone somewhere, so the tiny bit of comfort was gone! I sat there and ate and listened to the KuKu language just fly back and forth. I was totally in my own world-literally. I was still convincing myself that crying would only make things so much more awkward and worse for me.
As is common here, we went and sat under the tree for the rest of our break. I was feeling so sorry for myself, y’all. Imagine that! I mean, it was pitiful. KIMT (Knot in my throat) was at full force! The battle in my head was going back and forth..being grateful and WANTING to be here but feeling so alone and frustrated about feeling that way! A tear or two managed to squeeze their way out, but I was able to wipe them away without anyone noticing. It’s an interesting thing feeling invisible but knowing that it is the exact OPPOSITE that is true. I mean, there is no hiding this white skin of mine here. Blending in is simply not an option.
I sit here now, looking back and see so much. Do you see the self-consuming pride bleeding out all over the place? Don’t get me wrong, being in a completely different culture with a different language, by myself is hard. That’s just the honest truth. That being said, I know my purpose, I know who I am in Christ, and who cares if I had cried in front of them?!! Oh, my flesh… Can I go even further and just share more of the honest to goodness truth? It just doesn’t feel good when it seems that everyone is talking about you. Like I said, it’s not like I’m going to ever NOT stand out. I am quickly reminded that is what I was made to do..to stand out. It is for a purpose, one far greater than my silly human emotions.
So, after a while Scovia returns and bless her heart, her joy just radiates off of her. She could tell I was struggling. She asks me if I was bored-in front of everyone-and I wasn’t going to lie, so I said “yes” with a face I know so many of you are familiar with. Everyone laughed. Man, it felt good to simply say yes. So, she tells me to come with her and she will find some tasks for me. Hallelujah!! J I found myself longing for the comfort of structure, plans, and time schedules. Oh, how my culture has molded me. We were in the back office and she stops and asked me what I thought about heading to Wudu market to begin getting the word out. She could barely finish her sentence before I blurted out, “YES PLEASE!!” J So, off we went. I was so happy to put my thoughts elsewhere…anywhere but on me! I loved our time walking there, getting to know each other better.
We get to the market and I’m reminded again that I am here to stand out. It really is pretty funny to see what seems like everyone turning their heads as I walk by. For someone who doesn’t particularly enjoy being the center of attention, it can be a task.
We arrive at a kiosk (store) and I meet Emmanuel, a SE client. Scovia tells him about me and asks if we can share with him some more information. He pulls out 2 stools, 2 other guys walk up and are listening. (one immediately feeling the need to give me his number). I could make so many jokes right about now about that, but I’ll refrain. J So, Scovia and I both share the idea and purpose of I am Second groups. Both Emmanuel and the other young guy, Moses, say they will get the world out and get people to join a group. It then starts to rain hard (THANK YOU, FATHER!!). It was lovely. So, we were asked to go inside the little kiosk to wait out the rain. (they are ever so polite with visitors) There was just enough room to squeeze us 4 in there. Now that we were in each other’s personal space with nowhere to go, I felt the need to ask Moses about knowing Christ. Long story short, after about an hour or so, he surrendered his life to Christ! This beautiful 21 year old carries so much on his shoulders. Will you please join me in praying for Moses? Pray that God will confirm over and over again to Moses who He is and if it’s His will, to open the doors to providing fess so he can go back to school.
Amazingly enough, and not by coincidence, both I and the rain finished at the same time. Do you see God’s hand on every single detail? It’s beautiful.
God had a plan and a purpose. I sat there before heading to the market feeling sorry for myself and He knew all along the exact moment He wanted my path to cross Moses’. He knew when to turn the rain on and when to turn it off. He knew I needed my faith to be stretched and for Scovia and I to experience this day together.
I tell you what, Scovia and I make a pretty good team! J I found out on the way back that Scovia has only been here for 4 months. I am convinced God knew I needed her!! We rejoiced the whole walk home as she reminded me that she just knew the Spirit would guild us!! J
We got back to the SE offices and she announces to those outside that we went fishing and one was caught!! Everyone praised God with their hands in the air. Now, this my friends, is what it is all about.
Self-reliance. Please pray that I will be absolutely broken of this. It became very clear to me that this is something I need to let. Go .of.
I was waiting to get a ride back to the compound and I had told David Kaya I didn’t mind waiting for him to be done..whatever time that was. The next thing I know, he’s pulling up next to me and tells me to get in! I just love this man! Oh, my pride kicks in…totally feeling like I’m a bother. I give him a look. The, “No really, I’m okay, promise!!” look. He says to me, “Get in. Jessica, you are important to me. You are more important than anything else and I will serve you!” I tell you what, I almost lost it. My heart had been crying out for that all day. It’s hard to admit, but it’s true. Just to be affirmed and to feel loved. He then continues as we are driving off, “I am your Father here. Your Father can ask and I will say that here I am your Father! If you want to go home, you can always so to your Father, “Daddy, take me home!”
All I could manage out was, “Tinate, David.” (Thank you)
Then he asks about my dad and as much as the few minute drive allowed I spilled it all out. I laugh now wondering if he knew what he was asking for! J He just smiled and encouraged me and spoke Truth to me about how the self-reliance is poured into me from America, but that I will grow and learn and the Spirit will lead me. He also reminded me that today was really DAY 1! “Just Day 1, Jessica. Day 1!”
Sigh….It’s a lot, right!?
I helped cook tonight. Everyone was surprised that I could cut up an onion and peel ripened bananas with a knife. J I do know a few things! Haha I just love joining in and serving alongside everyone here. That’s where it all comes together.
I have everyone trying to say the world girl the “American” way instead of the British, African way. Even David Kaya’s mother joined in. It was hilarious.
Laughter seems to make everything all right.
Thursday March 3rd
“Be still and know that I am God”
Oh, how that was going through my head over and over and over. I did lots of reading and praying and writing this morning and afternoon as I waited for Scovia so we could head out to Leikor market just down the road. She got here off we were to see all the Lord had in store.
Do you know someone that is the type of person that just being around them makes you feel better? Skovia is one of those people. I shared with her my struggles of self-reliance from yesterday and she shared that she too had to surrender that over to the Lord yesterday! I thank God for allowing me to be brutally honest with her. That is a precious, precious thing. Knowing what blessings I have in my friends at home had me wondering if I would have anything close to that here. Well, I do in Scovia. Thank you, Jesus.
I find myself often wondering if what I hear are my own thoughts or if it’s the Lord. I asked Skovia how she knows the difference.
Peace. He brings peace and clarity.
So simple, yet so profound. I thank God for that sweet gem of a reminder.
I was greeted by a drunken man upon arriving at Leikor market. He wanted me to know that he was drunk, too. You see, opportunity upon opportunity fall in front of me. I was able to go through and greet he ladies in the market. It is so fun greeting them and knowing what they are saying back (most of the time). I find joy in their smiles and laughter when I say, “Doparana (good afternoon) or Dowuyei (I am fine) or my favorite so far, “Ti matot Porani Pura! (Praise the Lord!). J
We shared with 2 leaders of a loan cell group about the second groups and asked them to get the word out. One of them was excited for depth. That is exactly the goal, sweet sister! I was happy to hear that.
I’ve had some time to type up some of these posts on my computer to have them ready to upload when the internet is available, which is always good. Peter was able to teach me my first guitar lesson tonight!! I learned how to play the notes C, D, and G before he had to head off to choir practice. We shall see if I remember them tomorrow! Wouldn’t it be fun if I came back from Sudan playing the guitar?!! I’m not putting any stock in that, but it’s a fun thought! J I tell you what, it hurts your fingers!
Something else you can pray about, I noticed about 2 nights ago that some areas around my ankles and up about mid calf (mainly on my right leg) were a little blotchy and red. My ankles have been pretty swollen but I just put that to all the travel and walking I’ve been doing. Last night I noticed it looks more like an actual rash and it burns a little. I’m thinking it’s one of 2 things…allergic reaction to some type of grass when I was out walking in the village 2 days ago..it’s right where my skirt was not. Or it’s because of the anti-malarial meds I’m taking. They said that it could make my skin extra sensitive to the sun. But, I would think my arms and face would be that way too if that was the case, and they’re not. So, who knows? It’s not a big deal at all, but would be nice if it went away. There’s nothing too small to pray about, right? J
Taking it all in,
Jess
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