Wow. I am sincerely so sorry. As you can see, it has been months and months since I said I would post about my last few days in South Sudan. The past 6 months have been ….well, interesting for me. Nevertheless, here are the posts I wrote about my last week there. …very late, but still just as true!
Saturday June 18th, 2011 was a day I was looking forward to. I had come to thoroughly enjoy my Leikor ladies. While I most definitely did not want to have to say goodbye, I was hopeful that this group might actually continue once I was gone.
I was especially excited that Ami was getting to go with me. Not only would she be able to document this group through pictures, but she would also get to see in intimate view of what God had been allowing me to be a part of for 4 months…the sweet faces, the hesitant hearts, the gut wrenching stories, and the bounties of grace upon grace.
We arrived and hardly anyone was around. It was made very clear to everyone that this would be my last week. They, in fact made it known to everyone because they wanted to make sure to be able to say goodbye. So, it wasn’t out of the ordinary to sit around and visit for a while in hopes that people would gather. As we had been doing the past few weeks in their new market, we were invited and given seats under Alia’s tarp. I asked who was going to be leading this week, as it was also made very clear that since I was leaving it would be their responsibility to carry on with someone facilitating and encouraging others to share. They had been doing a great job of this the past few weeks. Of course, one of the Abuba’s was the ring leader and the majority of the time she was the one that would step up and take the lead.
Then came the discouragement. I confess, I was really discouraged. Every single person there was animate about not being the facilitator. They did not want to do it. They kept telling me I needed to do it since it was my last time and I did my best to again explain that since it was my last time I would be blessed to see that someone else was willing to do it. They were terrified and it broke my heart. It was so hard not to feel like a failure in the moment. My goal was to leave them feeling confident and excited about facilitating these discipleship groups on their own and in a way that worked best for them and here I was sitting in front of this group who had flat out made up their mind they were not going to do it.
I prayed. I sat there and I prayed, asking the Lord what He wanted to happen. Of course, I could simply begin facilitating the group, but the last thing I wanted to do was enable them…not this group. They had come a pretty long way and I just wanted what was best for them even if they didn’t know what that looked like.
Wait. Just be patient.
Ami looked at me and didn’t have to say a word. I knew what she was asking and wondering…the exact same things I was! So, I whispered to here that we just needed to wait a bit longer…wait them out as I had tears welling up in my eyes. The reality of leaving and disappointment yet so much hope for what I know could simply be amazing was on the verge of exploding via tears. It’s amazing how sometimes we just need to be allowed the opportunity to feel uncomfortable just long enough to actually do something.
Insert: life lesson #359542320
We literally just sat there for a good while. And then….Abuba Tabita spoke up. She explained we needed to get started so everyone needed to listen. She began facilitating the group. I just sat there with a smile on my face. I offered a little guidance for the flow of the questions and discussions and such. Ami was also asked for her input which I knew was just a matter of time. Guests don’t get away without addressing the whole group and “sharing just a little bit”. It was beautiful and heartfelt.
What I began to watch in front of me then left me speechless and overwhelmed with joy. All of a sudden I realized it’s as if I was invisible…precisely what I wanted. One of the ladies that had been there pretty much all 4 months (whose tarp we were sitting under!) but never really gave her input yet was the most outspoken and boisterous personality began to share. Sweet, beautiful Alia. Abuba Tabita began to challenge her and encourage her and it was an interaction between the two of them where I saw the wisdom of this older woman covering over the fear and hesitancy of this broken younger woman. Alia confessed she was not a believer and began to literally pour out all of the pain and wounds and questions she’s had trapped inside for years.
I was watching before me active discipleship.
I could just feel the weight of God asking me why I have so little faith when He has ALWAYS shown up. It may look vastly different than I plan it out in my head, but He has ALWAYS shown up.
Oh, Lord. How I am reminded that I always need you. Your blessings are too many to count.
Tears streamed down my face as I sat there listening to Abuba Tabita proclaim the Gospel to Alia…as she pleaded with her to see her need of a Savior…as she encouraged her to let go of all the things that are lies from Satan…and as she soothed her wounds with the salve of a loving ear willing to listen to her skepticism. Alia stated she didn’t want to be a believer.
Many others sat listening. They were no less supposed to hear everything. Abuba Tabita wrapped up the discussion and asked me if I wanted to say final words. I knew this time was coming and oh, how difficult it was. I shared my love for them and did my best to get the words out to encourage them with the love of Christ. And then, Tabita said she had something she wanted to say…and so did Alia…and so did about 5 others.
Even now, my heart is just so overwhelmed thinking about the words spoken. By God’s grace, He allowed me to hear of the change He brought to these women via this discipleship group…via me. Have you ever been so humbled with gratitude you think your heart might simply burst? I almost couldn’t stand it. God knew it was time for my heart to be wrapped up in the love and blessings of these women, and of Himself, to prepare me for the journey home. It’s what I needed. I was amazed at the outpouring of thanks and testimonies of change from women that literally spoke a handful of words the entire time I was there!!! He accomplished change in them that had they not been led to share with me I would have never known. I couldn’t fathom the degree of impact that was made and Jesus knew that my heart, so prone to question and lack faith, needed to have a physical reminder of His power.
Ami watched it all. My sweet friend who knows my heart without me having to say a word watched the battle within me as I sat there among these women. I was just so excited that she could be there. If anything, it just confirmed that any and all accomplished these past 4 months was simply of Jesus and Jesus alone. Plus, she got to see the enormous blessing I was privileged to live in day in and day out. She got to see the struggle, too.
To think…if I hadn’t waited and given into my discouragement all that would have been missed.
Ami and I walked down the orange dirt road back to the compound with no words yet saying everything...
***Update*** I was given an update from Scovia that Alia surrendered her life to the Lord just a few weeks after I returned home!! And, the Leikor market group is still meeting every Saturday afternoon to study and discuss Scripture and the change it is to have in their life!!
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