Come, find rest in Me.

So, Tuesday came and it was time for me to leave for Uganda for my week long r&r.  I was sad to head off once getting to know the team from Fort Worth, but I was excited for a little get away.   I tell you what, I got just a TINY taste of what it’s going to be like to say goodbye to those around here and I didn’t like it.  I had to say goodbye to all of Kaya’s girls since they were going to be heading back to school when I was gone. Boy is it going to be hard.  Of course, I knew that, but when the time actually comes…Lord, give me the strength!

I actually ended up traveling with a different team from Alabama that had been working out in the bush doing medical outreach and education. They were headed on their way home with a stop at Murchison Falls for 2 nights first. Murchison Falls is a large game park where you can go on a safari and boat rides down the Nile river and see the falls, etc.  On our drive in we did the safari and I am ecstatic to inform you that I got to see 2 lions on that first safari!!!  The third time must be a charm because I’ve been to MF twice before and had yet to see any type of cat! I was shaking I was so excited! 

That evening we got back and ate dinner and then were heading back to our rooms.  What I’m about to tell you is something that I would be willing to bet most can’t say they’ve experienced! J Are you ready for this? So, two of the ladies I was with were walking about 10 feet in front of me and one of the staff members.  As the staff member and I are in conversation he says, “Avoid the Hippos.” He might as well have said, “The stars are out” because it just didn’t stick out and had me wondering why in the world he was randomly inserting that into our conversation.  So, then a half second later he says a bit more firmly, “Excuse me, avoid the hippos.” So, this time I look up, as it is literally pitch black outside and we are walking by the light of a tiny flashlight and literally about 10 feet in front of the two ladies are 2 HUGE HIPPOS grazing on the walking path—the path they are just bee bopping along on as they chit chatted looking at the ground.  So, then I’m like, “HEY! Y’all…STOP!” without yelling as not to freak out the hippos that they were about to WALK IN TO! They stop and look up and I tell you what, I’m laughing right now as I type this replaying it all in my head.  They gasped and did a complete 180 and high tailed it in the opposite direction towards the staff member and I, as we had already moved ourselves away from the ginormous, same color as the night, hippos.  I could not help myself, I started dying laughing while also realizing how stinkin’ bad that situation could have been.  The staff guy was like, “I was trying to tell you to avoid the hippos, they are VERY dangerous.” Right. Thanks for that bud.  We had to wait a minute for them to move on their lovely way, and then we went on to our rooms.  I got to my room, still laughing but I’d be lying if I told you my heart wasn’t racing.  Then, I realize something. I still needed to take a shower…which required me walking across the way to the community showers. Man. But, first things first. I called my best friend, Jenn and explained to her in my fast talking excited way that, “There are hippos RIGHT OUTSIDE MY DOOR!” What does she respond with? “Are you TRYING TO KILL ME? THOSE THINGS KILL!” hahaha. Its moment like these I find myself thinking for the millionth time how funny of a sitcom Jenn and my life would be.  So, I finish sharing the hilarious excitement with her and decide I need to brave it to the shower.  Then, I get this thought. What if I open up my door and they are standing right there on my porch?!! I would pee in my pants right there. I’ll admit it; I had a bit of fear going on at this point.  I mean, they are known for the highest amount of killings here.  No big deal, right?  So if you can picture it, I’m like sloooowwwwly opening my door and peeking my head out to make sure I’m not face to face with hungry hungry hippo, and thankfully they were nowhere to be seen.  Step one accomplished: making it to the porch.  Step two: walking across the way to the showers (which so happens to be right where they were to begin with in addition to a lot more ground to cover). I tell you what, my heart was racing, I was praying, and I had my head lamp flashlight thing skimming the perimeter, my eyes as big as they could get as I was trying to actually see my surrounding is the pitch black.  I made it to the shower safe and sound. J I also made it back to my room afterwards.  I figured they had their share of fun and headed on back towards the river….until I was lying in bed and all of a sudden heard the most wonderful noise (couldn’t be more sarcastic) right outside my window: ruminating. The hippo was ripping up the grass and chewing it’s cud as loud as you can imagine (does that apply to just cows?) right outside my window. I was so tempted to take a picture of the thing, but good ‘ol common sense came into play and figured I didn’t want to make Mr. Hippo angry considering they are known for charging their enemy when angry.  Do you like that common sense mom and dad? J  I couldn’t help but lay their thanking the Lord for my life and the fun, exciting, somewhat scary things He allows me to experience.

So, the next day the rest of the group minus one decided to go on a boat ride down the Nile and hike up to the falls.  I just wanted to rest and relax, so I opted out. Jeff, one of the men from the Alabama team, wasn’t feeling too good so he stayed behind as well.  We ended up having hours’ worth of conversation that was just so good. It was another one of those living giving conversations.  God really used the conversation with Jeff to challenge me and got me thinking and praying about a number of things.  Plus, it was just NEAT getting to hear about all of the things he has done and is doing.  He’s a medical doctor with a specialty in tropical medicine, an anthropologist who is the head of a department at a university, has studied the Dinka tribe and spent many, many years working in Africa. Oh, and he’s a novelist.  That’s not everything, either.  You can imagine the wealth of information.  Plus, he loves Jesus.  Needless to say, I thoroughly enjoyed my time talking with him.

We headed out early on Thursday to go on a sunrise safari on our way out of the park.  Among tons of other beautiful animals I got to not only see another lion(ess), but her 2 adorable cubs, too!  They were beautiful.

Then we all got picked up by Mawa, e3’s head driver (aka Sudanese Chuck Norris) and headed to Entebbe airport to drop off the team.  Then, back to Kampala it was for me! To make a long story short, I ended up having to stay at a different hotel that I had planned or made reservation at.  It was a bit past 11 p.m. once I arrived there.  I had been traveling since 6:30 that morning.  I was tired.  I opened the door to my room, looked around, and started bawling. It’s true.  I mean, being tired, the weight of trusting God with doing “this thing” solo, and the sheer gratitude for what seemed like a 5 star hotel at this point simply hit me like a load of bricks.  As hard as it was to admit, I needed the break and I was just so thankful for God’s provision.

So, I stayed the night in Kampala and had Ronnie come pick me up in the morning to head to Jinga, Uganda.  Ronnie is a driver that was recommended to me by Norma.  She’s used him and his boss for the past 4 years or so.  Anyways, I got to share the Gospel with Ronnie on the 2 and a half hour drive to Jinga.  Please be praying for him.  I’m actually pretty confident salvation has occurred, but the messiness of religion so easily messes with the simplicity of the Gospel.  He said he wanted to take time to “think about it”. I got to learn about Ronnie’s “story”.  I am continually humbled.  

So, I stayed at Mto Moyoni in Jinga.  It’s a Christian retreat center right on the Nile River.  Mto Moyoni actually means, “Heart of the River” in Swahili.  Let me tell you, it was sheer bliss.  I don’t say that lightly, either.  I stayed Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night there.  Jesus really drew me close to Him.  I got to spend some special time just basking in His presence.   It was so nice not feeling like I was asking of Him and expecting of him (not that those in and of themselves are bad), but simply spending time with Him for Him.  Know what I mean? I got to swing in a hammock under the shade of a beautiful tree overlooking the glistening waters of the Nile River while listening to all of the noises of the African animals.  I got to read and pray and take naps.  I got to take lots of pictures. I got to eat wonderful food that had me savoring every bite.  I got to shower…and with warm water! I listened. I listened. I listened.

It was wonderful.

Ronnie came and picked me back up on Monday morning and come to find out, he and my good friend David, who is going to school in Kampala are mutual friends! This world really is just so small! I had been trying to get a hold of David with no success, and God took care of it all! I became friends with David (and his fiancée Jenna) my first trip to Uganda in 2008.  Then for New Years of 2009 David and Jenna came to visit in Texas (David’s first time in the US) and stayed with me.  So, it’d been 2 years or so since we’d seen each other.  So, when we got back into Kampala we went and picked David up and headed to the hotel I was going to stay at that last night.  I got to spend a good 4 hours catching up and hanging out with David!  I’m just so thankful Jesus blessed me in this way.

So, I said my goodbyes to David and Ronnie and then I hung out at the guesthouse, got on the internet for the first time in about 2 weeks, and uploaded tons of pictures from the week. (Check out my Facebook if you want to see them!)

I met up with Kaya on Tuesday morning and off we headed back on our journey to Kajo Keji.  I think once all was said and done we ended up leaving Kampala at 9:30 a.m. and we pulled into Kaya’s compound about 7 p.m. that evening.  It was a loooong journey. 

I knew I was back in Sudan when I promptly began hearing the high pitch voices of little ones yelling, “Gelatot! Gelatot!” as we drove by on the dusty roads.  I was reminded yet again, that I am a country girl at heart.  It just felt right getting back to Kajo Keji after having a dose of Kampala and all of its city craziness.  It really is amazingly crazy.

So, that’s my R&R. I’ve taken many, many things away from it.  Too many to type out, really…and more that I’m still praying through.  One thing I can tell you though is that the truth of matter is that I can enjoy something such as this by myself.  In fact, I know God wanted me to Himself this particular trip.  That being said, it is simply more enjoyable for me to share things like this with someone.  Traveling and exploring and experiencing are simply more enjoyable for me when I’m not alone.  It’s the truth. There’s a season for everything, though, right?  

Life Under the Sun

I’m so sorry for the 3 week lapse in time with no update!  I had every intention of updating before heading off for my week of R&R in Uganda but the internet ended up not working at all for about a week prior to going and then it was time to head off.  Then, actually being able to be “unplugged” while in Uganda was simply nice.  I know; I’m living in Sudan, Africa and I went on an R&R where it was good to be “unplugged”.  Ironic, isn’t it? That being said, can I just tell you what an enormous blessing it is to have internet access here?

So, as you can imagine, the past 3 weeks have been full of …well, life. 

We went and had our first “official” group meeting in Kangapo.  Scovia went around mobilizing people as I sat and visited with those already gathered. Come to find out she went into a business to talk to people not knowing it was a bar. Perfect.  Many came and joined us, beer breath and all. Tons of stories were told and listened to.  They all seemed very excited to have the group up and going. Then, the next week I went back with Thomas.  It was quite a bit different.  None of the ladies were around. So, we planted ourselves right there under the tree amongst the drunk men. We had a variety of drunkenness…mild, moderate, and beyond reasonable drunk. I attempted to get the group going, but it simply wasn’t happening.  I ended up sitting and chatting with them all as they spouted questions left and right. Some made sense, some didn’t.  Some were about Scripture, some weren’t.  My motives for coming to Sudan were questions as I was yelled at for not having Bibles to give them one moment while the next breath I was told how grateful they were I was willing to leave my home to come and visit with them.  What did I do? I laughed. Okay, and maybe held my head in my hands at one point.  All in all, it was fun.  Just having Thomas look at me like I’m crazy as I’m doing my best to manage this group of men as he’s translating what seems to be random bits here and there is hilarious.  I promise you, it really is fun—frustratingly fun at times, but fun no less! J I left knowing none of it was in vein.  When I decided enough was enough for that evening they all seemed extremely happy that I was willing to even sit with them and be frank with them.  I’m a pretty bold person, but talking to a bunch of drunken Sudanese men takes it to a whole new level.  It’s Godly boldness, but a boldness that you can’t just get away with in any ‘ol situation.  There is beauty in Truth…and freedom.  It feels so good to simply and freely speak Truth knowing God will do with it what He chooses.     A few that had been there who weren’t drunk told me it might not be a good idea to come the following week seeing that it was a holiday and there was no question everyone would be ridiculously drunk since they will have ALL day to drink and celebrate.  I told them I would still be there; ready to share the Word and we’d see what God had in store. Well, the next Monday I wasn’t able to get to Kangapo because of a number of circumstances.  Think God knew? Mmmhmm. So, that’s where Kangapo left off…

Most all of the other groups met as usual.  One person came to the 1 o’clock group in Wudu 3 weeks ago.  I praise God for giving her the courage to come, when no one else did.  She finally opened up towards the end about some personal problems and her fear in surrendering to the Lord.  I really think it was a breakthrough for her to be able to share. Thank you, Jesus. It’s all a process of God softening the soil and the seeds being planted. The second group went well, as usual.  I asked Monica to lead the following week.  I prayed it would be the first group to be self-led.  Well, long story short it wasn’t so. I showed up was told this and that, was lied to, and no one came. Sigh. God continued telling me to press on.  Maybe when I get back from R&R?

My time in Mondikalok 3 weeks ago was hard.  That was a really, really hard day.  A number of the men who had been coming decided to inform Scovia, who informed me, that they wanted to completely cancel the group and that it was a waste of their time.  Talk about a blow to the gut.  I know that it’s not a waste of time, but having them think so was pretty disappointing and frustrating.  It ended up in a huge group discussion at the end with people saying it wasn’t a waste, others saying it was, them discussing why we even meet, excuses, on and on and on. They went back and forth amongst themselves for a while and I sat there watching, half way pleased.  I was seeing certain people take up for the fact that they WANT to meet and learn each week.  Conflict brings about resolution…if done right.  Yet again, God opened a door and told me to be bold.  I mean, calling people on their crud (excuses) is hard, especially in another culture where I am constantly trying to be aware of being sensitive.  In it all though, once I was able to think over things later on that evening, I found myself really thanking God for it all.  They were all open with me.  They were honest.  Did I like what they had to say? Nope, not really at all. But, they were actually frank with me, and that is something I cannot take for granted.  Often I know I am being told what a person thinks I want to hear and it can be so deflating because then it seems that they are lying and communication gets all messed up. I say to Scovia all of the time, “I just wish they would tell me the TRUTH.  I wish they felt comfortable sharing how they really feel and what they really think.”  Well, it happened and quite honesty that’s HUGE. 

….and guess what?! The next week…..THE FIRST SUDANESE FACILIATIED DISCIPLESHIP GROUP HAPPENED IN MONDIKALOK!! I can’t capitalize and bold those words enough to express to you my sheer joy.  I mean, it could have never happened, and I could have gone home and never seen that and God would still be pleased and so much would have still been accomplished but oh, how sweet it is for my Jesus to allow me to see a little bit of the fruit of my labor.  I had asked at the end of all the chaos the week prior if one of the youngest guys there named Moses would be willing to commit to lead the next week.  Since the ladies simply weren’t willing to follow through, I thought I’d go a different route.  He agreed and it was beautiful.  He was so nervous, his hands and voice shaking.  I walked him through it, and he did great.  To see how well the group responded to him was beautiful, too.  He needed constant encouragement and reassurance in and through the entire meeting.  I couldn’t help but have an overwhelming compassion for him as I held his hand through it all.  I got a glimpse at how Jesus must see his children who might be shaking through something yet still willing to obey.  There was a pure joy in watching Moses step out in faith and do it.  He did it.  He facilitated a group completely out of the realm of his culture.  He led a group of people that were ranging from 15-45 years older than him.  He led a group on the Word of God knowing he just came to know his Savior about a month ago.  He did it.  God did it! Moses agreed to lead it again the following week…

The group in Leikor is goin’ and goin’ good! J  I look back and have to smile knowing that Leikor was one of my first experiences with hoping to get the groups up and running and how amazingly discouraged I was in the beginning..because of this group.  Now, God has brought together a consistent bunch of people who look forward to meeting each week and are ready and waiting on me! I handed over the group for the following week to 2 ladies.  Yet again, I was praying, praying…and WOOOHOOO!! THE SECOND SUDANESE FACILIATED GROUP OCCURRED IN LEIKOR!! It was WONDERFUL! I didn’t have to even do much assisting, really.  I mean, this sweet mama KNEW the format, and she knew it well!  She even did just so great and listening and reflecting when the other group members offered their thoughts and opinions.  She was able to direct the conversation when something was said that didn’t really apply. Yet again, you are just going to have to take my word at how truly joyful I was to watch it all before me.  She took ownership and I couldn’t have asked for more.   I asked the other abuba (gma) to be the one to lead the next week when I was gone and she joyfully said she would.  I could tell that once she saw her friend do it she was more confident that she could, too.  That was my prayer.

Mere didn’t met for one reason or another…communication and rain. What can you do? I’m praying things are well with Phoebe as it’s hard to get a hold of her now that she’s moved to Wudu and doesn’t have any way for us to get a hold of her. 

Oh, you can be praying for Kiri.  There’s never been one group that’s been consistent this whole time.  Abuba Peresi and Yaba are pretty much it.  BUT, the week before I left I went and it was just Abuba there.  It went well and I got to visit with her and listen to her share some of her struggles.  I also prayed with and for her as she was telling me she was facing some spiritual attacks while she was sleeping at night.  Then, Johnson showed up.  Do you remember Johnson? He’s one of the Bible School Students who’s from Kiri and did a church plant around the area of Kiri.  I got to talk to him for a bit about him possibly overseeing and really getting the discipleship up and going with a consistent group of people and having the church he’s working in to oversee it. This really is the key—getting the churches to take ownership of these discipleship groups.  So, you can be praying for that.  I so badly want these people to be invested in and in turn see that growing in their relationships with Christ is worth it!

On a different note, would you mind praying for my ears? As silly as that sounds it’d be much appreciated.  They started giving me problems about 3 weeks ago and sweet Norma flushed them out for me.  As I mentioned, as ridiculous as it sounds I have abnormally small ear canals and an abnormal amount of wax production.  How’s that for making a gal feel feminine? Haha…It’s something I’ve dealt with for years.  Anyways, they felt tons better after Norma helped me out, but with all of my congestion I was having they were still aching a bit.  Well, then they got all clogged up again.  When I say clogged up what I mean is that I literally go deaf in the ear.  I can barely hear out of it to the point that someone was talking to me on my left side and because that was the ear giving me troubles I didn’t even know! It’s extremely annoying to say the least.  So, I flushed them out again myself and then they felt better.  Well, while I was in Uganda they got bad again…mainly my left one.  I flushed it again last night when I got home so I can hear again, but it’s pretty sore inside. 

So, a few of us got the chance to go over and visit with our new friend at his compound (the one I mentioned in the last few posts) Guess what his question was right before we left? He wanted to know if we could all meet together on a weekly basis and go over a chapter each time starting with the book of John! Boyyyy, I tell you what this was another moment where I maintained composure on the outside but on the inside I was having a hallelujah party!!! J Of course, we said we’d love to.  I mean, how wide does God have to open the door, ya know? He flung that baby WIDE open! So, the upcoming Sunday he headed over to the Water Harvest compound and guess what? What he meant of the first chapter of John was the BOOK of John!! Haha…we had a 4 or so hour conversation that was simply beautiful.  It was life giving. Do you know what I mean? The type of conversation that you walk away from feeling like life had been added to you? Oh, I pray you get to experience that if you haven’t already!  So, every Sunday afternoon we will be meeting.  If you think about it you can keep that in your prayers!

The Saturday before last a short term team arrived from Fort Worth.  I thank God for them.  In the 3 days I got to hang around them before I headed off to Uganda I laughed more than I had in quite a while.  They really were a funny, loving, and caring bunch.  I got to hear one of the men preach that Sunday, which was a blessing.  Little things from home can mean a lot, ya know? …hearing a sermon in my own language first and expressed in thoughts that are how I think really is a blessing.  You really do learn not to take anything for granted.  Oh, and praise the Lord, MANY from my church got baptized the Sunday before last.  It was beautiful and a huge celebration since it was the first baptisms from my church.

That Sunday evening I invited my friend over to my compound to visit with me and the team from Fort Worth since Grant and Norma were both in Uganda.  As expected, it was so great.  Another 4 hour or so conversation occurred and Truth, Truth, and more Truth was shared.  He read through the whole book of Luke this time.  You can imagine the truck loads of goodness that we talked about! J I do believe there will be a time where Jesus is seen for who He truly is!

I had the privilege of going out with the Fort Worth team the Monday before heading to Uganda to the village they were to plant a church in since I wasn’t supposed to have my group until 4 that afternoon.  I have never been so far out in the bush y’all.  It was SO neat.  Kaya literally was driving out in the bush just going wherever.  There was no road, not even a path.  He just drove over the tall grass and twigs.  This church was being planted by a church that was planted one year ago.  Get that? How awesome is that?  I got to share the Gospel with the kiddos and many of them expressed wanting to know Jesus.  All glory to Him. We then started walking…going from hut to hut sharing the Gospel and inviting them to the new church.  A husband and wife both surrendered their lives to Christ after hearing the Gospel.    If you would, please join me in praying for them as they both learn what it looks like to live a life serving Jesus and loving each other as He loves.

I really had to be purposeful in taking things to the Lord the 2 weeks before my R&R.  Not that I don’t need to all of the time, but let’s just say I was vastly aware of myself and all of my human glory.  There were times I struggled with compassion.  I struggled with patience.  I struggled with seeing the bigger picture.  I struggled with feeling appreciated.  I struggled with seeing outside of myself and focusing on the bigger picture.  I didn’t want to take the time to communicate effectively.  I didn’t want to understand that what I was hearing wasn’t necessarily what was intended.  I wanted things to be simple.  I wanted to see results. I wanted to simply feel understood. I wanted things to go my way.

One of many, many things He was showing me was just how utterly against my nature it is to be wholeheartedly dependent on God and God alone.  So many times my flesh just ached for something to make me feel like I was in control.  I can deal with being dependent on me, ya know?  At home I can choose where I go, when, to do what, what I eat, when I eat it, and on and on and on.  Here, I literally have NO control of any of that.  I am dependent on others for rides, for food, for instruction, and for goodness sake language! My own words are dependent on others. 

Thank God He is loving and patient and gracious with me.  He is so faithful to show me Himself in it all and gently remind me to snap out of it.  He knows when I need gentle whispers and when I need something to be blatantly obvious to me.  He always draws me back to Him.  Always. 

Look for an update on my R&R soon…

Gracious Uncertainty

***Update: I just got finished having my ear flushed out by Norma.  Oh, the joy of being able to hear again! :) It was full out entertainment for the guys...good stuff. :) I'm going back tomorrow to finish up the other ear. I'm just so thankful God gave her to me while being here!

Happy Monday, everyone! J (okay, so I started this on Monday)

So, here’s the scoop on this past week:

I got ready as I usually do on Monday and was picked up a bit later than normal.  I didn’t think much of it and up to the office we went on the lovely motorbike.  I noticed not everyone was up at the office and thought that was odd, but yet again didn’t think a whole lot about it.  So, I’m just doing my thing, hoping maybe a few might show up for the vocational school IA2 group knowing it wasn’t likely.  They had their “graduation” the week before (which didn’t click to me and I wasn’t informed of until I was sitting at the graduation this meant everyone was going to be on Holiday), so I was hopeful but didn’t put too much stock in it. Sure enough, no one showed up.  I think this group is finished for the time being.  It’s a little disappointing that it simply came to an abrupt stop, but you know, I don’t control things, only respond to them! J  Things were really slow around the office and I began to wonder what was going on.  Then, I noticed a familiar face walking up. 

It was an extremely friendly man who I met the week prior while visit Norma and the guys on the water harvest compound.  He is a UN police officer here to train the local police.  He was extremely personable.  Among Norma, Grant, John, and I we all discussed so many things, including family, international work, and our purpose for serving in Sudan (bingo).

So, he walks up and says he was driving by and saw me sitting there at SE and remembered me telling him I was working with SE, so he thought he’d drop in and say hello.  Actually, he came specifically to wish me a happy Easter! I welcomed him and the next thing I know we are in some wonderful conversation.  Fast forward just about 3 hours, and the Gospel has been shared, many, many questions have been answered, more questions have come up, a Bible had been given, and a truly beautiful conversation had occurred.  About 2 hours in two solid, God fearing men joined in the conversation as well.  Their POWERFUL testimonies, convictions, and ability to relate with my new friend had me sitting there feeling like I was truly a part of something movie worthy.  Angelina Jolie has got NOTHING on the power of my God! J

My new friend mentioned being invited to the water harvest compound for a gathering that evening and asked if I was going.  I hadn’t gotten word of it, but he insisted I should go! Haha…so, he picked me up at 7:20 and we headed over to water harvest to hang out.  The drilling crew had returned from being out in the field for almost a month so they had a celebration dinner/hangout.  It was just a fun night of fellowship.  I was so glad that my friend was able to join (and invited me!).  He was able to see a bunch of people simply love on each other.  I pray the joy and love he witnessed begins to come together with the Truths of the loving God he’s being told of! Oh, and sweet Stephanie and Ester had baked a mango crisp.  It was amazing.  Seriously. 

So, PLEASE be praying for this wonderful opportunity the Lord has placed in my (and the Water Harvest folks) laps! Ultimately for salvation!!

I got another call telling me not to come because of a funeral on Tuesday and then I found myself at Wednesday and walking to Wudu market for the 2 groups.  This time Kenyi Simon headed to the market with me to help me with translating.  I was very intentional at making sure I walked through the market place, making stops at the clients stores that I knew would help me gather everyone else.  I didn’t want a repeat of 2 no show groups, if I could have helped it.  I find one of the members comfortably lounging in front of his storefront and asked him if he was going to join us.  He tells me he’s busy.  I forced myself not to laugh but managed, “The group is right now…right now you’re busy?” with a smile.  Yep.  Oooook. But, he told me he would most definitely be able to go around and tell the other people that the group was about to meet. Great. Beggars can’t be choosers, right?  So, off we headed to the bar (I just love saying that! Ha).  We waited, and waited….no one came.  One of the members from the 3 o’clock group came about 2:30 to make sure we were still meeting.  That was comforting, ha.  She also said she was going to go talk to this certain man to see what was up with the other’s not coming.  She came back and reported that she found him sitting in the same place I found him and he told her that he had told us everyone else was gone, so no one would be coming. Right. That would be a lie.  I know there’s no point in getting frustrated, but if truth be told, I was.  I mean, if you don’t want to come just say you don’t want to come!!! It won’t hurt my feelings.  I really, really, really have to lay all of that over to the Lord constantly.  Being a straight forward person, it really gets under my skin sometimes when time and time again I’m faced with people who simply do all they can to skirt around an issue.  It’s a WONDERFUL opportunity to practice the patience I so often prayer for! J

So, long story short, the members for the second group leisurely showed up and we got started about 3:45. Group went well.  The one person I had planned on asking to lead next week (the very first attempt in transitioning over the groups…) didn’t show.  Of course.  Not God’s timing yet.   When we finished Kenyi and I talked about all that had just taken place.  I simply asked him if he thought there was anything I could be doing/not doing that would help these groups more.  He shared a few things that simply aren’t feasible.   So, I’ve yet again come to the conclusion that I will continue to prayerfully do what I can and (joyfully) trust the Lord in and for all things! Once I vent, get my frustrations heard, then it is MUCH easier to get back to the mindset that I know God so wants me to be in….it’s all about Him, for Him, and in His ways.

Mondikalok and Mere were in store for Thursday.  I was excited to see all the Lord had in store.  As I was waiting by myself in the back of the restaurant where we meet, a man came up to me.  He came to tell me he was hungry.   Unless Jesus specifically impresses on my heart to give money, I don’t.  But, I told him that if he was truly hungry I would pay for his lunch.  He agreed.  Good sign he was legitimately hungry.  So, I paid the worker at the restaurant for his meal and I went back to the seating area.  He followed me.  He sat down and had this concerned look on his face.  He didn’t speak English too well and I think he had a hard time understanding even more of it.  I just began praying that the Lord would allow our communication to go through…on both ends.  From what I understood he was telling me that when he is given money he knows he has to pay it back.  He was asking me when he owed it back.  My heart just broke right then and there and I was SO excited that Jesus was giving me this opportunity to explain what a gracious gift is. 

Simplicity.  I love that about Jesus.  What I did for this man was simply an example of what Christ is offering to him as well.  A free gift.  Do you see how Jesus always sets everything up and all we have to do is obey in the opportunity? I love it.

Group went really well.  This man joined us, too.  Towards the end some really great questions were asked.  What does it look like to be a REAL Christian? What if you backslide?  What does that look like? Can you fall out of God’s graces? Praise God that His Word has all of the answers!

HUGE PRAYER REQUEST: Mondikalok is where I have started the transition from me leading to the Sudanese leading.  My goal was to begin this transition starting in May, so I’m right on target.  I’ve been intentionally paying attention to those in each group that have showcased their leadership capabilities. In Mondikalok there are 2 women that have pretty much been at each group meeting and are usually pretty willing to speak up and share.  So after the group and Education Seminar I asked them if they would stay a bit longer so I could talk to them.  Honestly, I didn’t really know how this would go.  I did know, however, that there was a possibility they’d flat out say no.  Then again, it was likely too that they’d consider it a huge privilege to be asked by me and would oblige even if they didn’t want to.

So, I asked the first younger lady what she thought and she looked down and said, “But I don’t know how to read”.  Immediately Scovia pointed out that I, myself, when I’m leading don’t read the scripture!  If there is someone with a Bari bible at the group meeting (which there is usually at least one person) I always have them read.  It gets them to interact and it also boosts their confidence in participating.  So, I encouraged her and told her that to be a leader in this group she would be facilitating, encouraging, and that her not being able to read could be used for the Lord, too! She smiled and said that she would be willing!  I was excited.  I was beginning to see that the Lord juuuust may have some really neat, powerful things in store for these transitions.  So, then I turned to the other lady, an older woman.  She’s so funny.  Every time she comes up to me and just starts talking to me in KuKu, as if I understand her.  She tells Scovia she wants me to learn KuKu, so she is going to KEEP talking to me in KuKu! I love it.  It’s funny though, because when I told her I was going to just keep talking to her in English for the same reason, she laughed and shied away.  All of this to say, she’s extremely personable.  So, I asked her if I could count on her to help lead this next week and she said she wanted to but she has problems with her memory.  I’m thinking that she just talking about not feeling competent to remember certain scriptures, etc.  Nope, come to find out that she was in an accident and legitimately has problems with her memory sometimes.  Perfect.  I mean, when we are weak He is strong right?! That is exactly what I was thinking as she was telling me this.  I just smiled at her and told her that it was even more of a reason for God to reveal Himself!! She sat there thinking for a moment and then told me that she wasn’t supposed to live the accident.  God spared her.  If God spared her and He put in on my heart to ask her to help lead, then she would trust that He wants her to say yes to me knowing He has a plan.  Oh, my heart, these are the types of things that make me flat out rejoice!!!   

So, much prayer for this huge step in why God sent me here would be appreciated!

Time and transportation didn’t allow for me to go to Mere again this week.  I was so hoping to see Phoebe to see how she and her son are doing.  I pray the Lord allows me to see her this week.

Oh, Friday.  So, we had our IA2 group with the SE Staff on Friday and then a 2 hour staff meeting directly (well, after taking tea of course) afterwards.  Lots and lots of sitting and talking.  I was ready to head out to the field.  Scovia had a Edu. Seminar so one of the young men from the Bible School was grabbed to head out to Jalimo and Kiri with me.  It’s a new adventure each time I head out with a new translator.  So, we get to Jalimo and it’s basically empty in the market.  I’ve had a really hard time in Jalimo so far.  I’ve only actually been able to “meet” with a group from there once and that one meeting including the members literally asking me if we could stop midway because they had other things to do.  Yeah, tough.  We didn’t meet the Friday before since it was Good Friday so I literally hadn’t a clue what to expect and was doing my best not to be pessimistic knowing that God very could well have it in His plans to spur people to come and participate! Well, He didn’t.  The people I was told to go to for help in mobilizing others weren’t around…at all.  I did get someone to go grab one of the ladies from her home nearby.  We waited.  She came after about 45 minutes and told me she’d go get others to come also.  She left and never came back.  I tried asking others that were around to come join us and they said they were busy or simply weren’t interested.  At first I was just fine.  I’m in Africa.  Waiting is as normal as breathing here.  But, then after an hour and a half I was frustrated.  Thomas could tell.  He was a bit frustrated as well.  I simply just didn’t know what to do.  I mean you can’t exactly have a group without people!!! I struggled to think that it might be a complete wash if I went and left without even meeting with people!! But at the same time I couldn’t FORCE them to come! These are the times that I go back and forth in my mind, praying.  In the meantime, while waiting, I attempted to throw stones up in the tree to get Mangos down….unsuccessfully.  I have the power to throw but not quite the aim.  I provided a good 10 minutes of entertainment for the 10 people in the market.  Thomas and I also discovered a tree full of bats!! (pics of facebook).  It was so neat/creepy.   So, after almost 2 hours , I decided to make the call to head out and venture to Kiri.  No one was coming.

We got to Kiri and I let me tell you, it was simply funny.  The roles seemed to reverse and while Thomas was trying to encourage me while in Jalimo, I was the one encouraging and challenging him in Kiri.  Thomas was learning what exactly things look like and watching, not having experienced these groups out in the villages where I have been going.  First things first: find Abuba Poresi.  We found her and she set out to mobilize the others.  This market place was empty, too.  Odd, I tell you.  So, I’m going around greeting the few that are there, noticing that Yaba is nowhere around.  Then, a VERY drunk man comes up to me.  It was apparent the task of simply standing up was almost too much for him.  He began shouting things to me, one of which was his name- John along with 4 other names that I couldn’t quite pick up.  He also started yelling at me to speak English.  The last time I had checked, that’s all I knew how to speak.  Anyways, so his personal space boundaries, as usual with these men, were let’s say…nonexistent.  I had to reassure Thomas a number of times that I was just fine.  I wasn’t uncomfortable, and that I was quite use to it.  Bless this man’s heart; he simply was just too far gone for anything to really make sense with him.  I was extremely encouraged though to see the men from this village step up.  I would walk somewhere and there John would be literally right behind me.  I’d laugh and smile and joke with him and he’d walk off and then the next thing I know he was RIGHT THERE again literally YELLING at me.  So, I asked Thomas what in the world he was yelling about.  For some reason he seemed to be angry with me.  The men that were around took notice and came and took John by the hand gently (!!) and led him away as he was yelling.  Thomas then decided to inform me that John began saying that I had done something and owed him something and that I was a thief.  Awesome.  Thomas was no longer laughing with me.  I just kept laughing, though because really…it’s all the alcohol. I asked one of the men about Yaba and he told me he was at home and he could go get him if I would like.  So, I told him yes, please.  A few minutes go by and up walks Yaba with his sweet smile and says, “Mommy.” It had been 3 weeks since I’d seen him.  So, as usual, I went with Yaba and we got him his mugatti and headed over to the restaurant to buy him a tea.  Guess what?! A woman comes up to me and greets me and tells me she is Yaba’s mom!!! I was so excited to meet her! I’m really, really, really praying that now that she has met me she might possibly come back next week.  I suppose she wanted to meet the person who was requesting for her son to come to the market place!  So, see if you can picture the following:

I am standing there greeting Yaba’s mom.  Yaba is sitting on the bench with his mugatti in one hand and figuring out how to hold his tea, too.  John finds his way back to me and I turn and BAM he’s right there next me.  I’m squatting down at Yaba’s level trying to talk to him about where he wants to sit to eat, etc.  John is mimicking me exactly, y’all.  The same stance, same tone, etc.  I just looked at him and started laughing.  I literally had an echo.  Thomas is standing there watching it all.  So, then John starts saying Lord knows what to Yaba and Yaba looks so confused so I’m asking Thomas to tell me what is being said, John is going on and on…Yaba manages to say, “What?” I’m looking at Thomas, trying to inch away from John as he is practically in my lap and Thomas has this look on his face like, “what in the world is going on?!!” I stand up and turn to my right and literally am FACE TO FACE with another man who’s breath liked to knock me over and he mutters, “What can you give me?!!”  I busted out laughing, y’all.  I was smack dab in the center of an African comedy.  John sees this man talking to me and Lord, have mercy he tries to make him back up and it was all just so crazy. Thomas steps in and says, “Jessica! This is CRAZY! We need to get out of this…it’s too much!”  And grabs me and pulls me away into the open market.  I was simply laughing at it all.  Bless Yaba’s heart, he’s sitting there looking at those men like they were nuts.  John gets really upset and starts yelling at the top of his lungs again at me that I’m a thief to which the men come back and led him off for good this time. Thomas was halfheartedly laughing simply because he was baffled with it all and was looking at me like I was crazy because I was still smiling and telling him it’s OKAY. ..let him say what he wants to say.  So, Thomas and I sit down and he looks at me and asks how in the world I could still think that was funny.  I loved being able to share with him that it was funny and didn’t “effect” me because it simply wasn’t true!!  We are told that insults will come upon us.  Plain and simple.  Just because they are said doesn’t mean they are true!! I mean, look at Jesus.  What is said about me doesn’t matter…it’s what people learn about Jesus that does! All 3 of those men need Jesus and if I’m the way He wants that to happen then so be it! Plus, people are always watching.  The few people there in the market place were watching how I responded to these men.  I wanted them to see Jesus even in that! 

 All of that calmed down and we waiting around a bit longer.  Then I decided we should go ahead and just start with the few people that just so happened to be sitting together.  I mean if they don’t come to you, you go to them, right?!

The group went amazingly well.   It ended up being me and Thomas, Yaba (who just sits there quietly eating his bread) and another man and woman. Both the man and woman claimed to be born again and had some really great things to add and discuss.  We came to an end, John made one last appearance, Yaba didn’t want me to leave as usual, I reassured him I’d be back, and off we went. 

Unpredictable and so fun! J

I woke up Saturday not feeling so good.  Every now and then I’ll have issues with my ears where they’ll get all clogged up.  It’s annoying.  So, I woke up on Saturday and literally couldn’t hear out of my left ear and had tons of pressure on both of them which gives me a headache and my equilibrium is all off.  So, you can be praying about that.  As I write this both ears are still pretty clogged up and every now and then I feel just a little dizzy.  Plus, it’s just frustrating when you can’t hear well! 

I went to Leikor market on Saturday and it was wonderful.  Scovia showed up early to the compound when usually I walk there myself.  Come to find out, they called asking us to come early because they didn’t want to miss group and would need to leave to head to Jalimo for their market supplies.  That warmed my heart!!! J Why, yes I will come EARLY!! Haha…

Leikor is now the second group I’ve began the transition over to being led by the Sudanese.  I asked 2 of the Abubas (grandmothers) in this market to lead next week.  It started raining right as I was asking them so I don’t think the communication was quiet as efficient as I would have liked it to be, but I plan on going back and trying to make sure they understood and are fully willing.  So, please be praying for this as well.  This one REALLY has potential to be completely self-sustaining pretty quickly.  I’m excited to see what God does…  

 I went to church Sunday morning and was humbled and challenged beyond measure.  Pastor Kenneth was off serving somewhere so Pastor Tolbert preached in his spot.  This man has such a genuine joy and love for the Lord.  I met Pastor Tolbert the very first week I was here with the team.  He helped the team with translation and such.  Almost a month ago we got horrible news that Pastor Tolbert’s son had been hit by a bus and was killed.  Death is everywhere here.  Everywhere.  Pastor Tolbert wanted to share his testimony to the congregation.  He went on to explain that he went home to visit family.  He was headed on his way back and got a call about his 18 year old son.  His son was riding on his bike and a speeding bus (they are huge) came by and hit his son making a connection on the side of his head and his hip area.  The impact sent his son flying into the bush, he was killed instantly.  He went so far as to include the detail that his son’s hair was still attached to the corner of the bus where it had hit him when he arrived on the scene.  Tolbert shared that he was silent for 15 minutes.  He said that he didn’t know what to think or do but knew he needed to get God’s mind about him.  He then headed back home to find that a huge crowd had gathered and had the driver of the bus held there and were all shouting and saying what should be done to him, so much so that the police had to control the crowd.  Tolbert shared that the driver came to him and kneeled before him and asked him what he was going to do and Tolbert told him that it was not his job to make anything happen to him for his son’s death.  He told the man that it is in God’s control to give and take life and that he trusts God’s timing for such a thing and that if the government decided to make him pay, so be it, but that the government’s decision had nothing to do with him..that he forgave him.  I sat there in my chair among these Sudanese people, tears streaming down my face, in awe of the beauty of Tolbert’s ability to obey in his suffering.  It was simply beautifully convicting.  He was honest in sharing that it didn’t take away the pain he feels from the loss of his son, and that he misses him, and that his family still cries a lot about it, but he trusts his God is in control.

Powerful.

How many of us can say that? I mean, could you say that your God is mighty when you find out that after you’ve chosen to disobey and marry a second wife and have contracted HIV and then your first wife leaves you as a result and you are living with the consequences of ALL of that? Can you say God is in control when you are raped at the age of 15 and find yourself pregnant as a result? Can you trust God when you are widowed in our early 20’s with children?  Can you still sing praises to God when both of your parents are kidnapped by the LRA and murdered before you? Can you say all is well with your soul when your adult children are drunks and frequently come to your home simply to beat you over and over again? Can you trust Jesus when you have chronic sickness, forcing you to depend on others to survive?  Can you have faith in the Lord when your wife births four children, all not living long enough to see their first birthday? Can you know that God is with you when you find yourself barren and shunned by your husband as a result?

I could go on and on.  It’s a never ending list of suffering.  It almost seems that living here is suffering.  God speaks so often in His word about suffering.  It would take so long to put down all that my heart is stirred on about this…

In the midst of suffering I am seeing the purest form of joy.  So many can give an emphatic, “Yes!” to all of the questions above.  Tolbert is an example of that.  Truly suffering purges us of ourselves.

Maybe I’ll touch on this some other time…

So, Sunday afternoon I did a bunch of nothing.  God did provide a sweet time of “hanging out” with Rita.  Rita is 15 and is Kaya’s niece.  I had noticed that she had started to come around me more the past few days.  I also noticed that she seemed to watch me.  She’s now become comfortable just coming to my room and sitting herself down.   Everyone on the compound is just as much a part of the ministry set before me and I am reminded of that as I had a 15 year old girl plopping herself down talking to me about her school, boys, and being bored with no friends.  15 year old girls are 15 year old girls no matter where you go. J

      

So, each morning part of my routine is to read the daily devotion for that day from Oswald Chambers’ “My Utmost for His Highest” and to then try and allow the Truth to soak in. I don’t know that there is one that doesn’t sit heavy with me.  

Friday’s was just so good and I wanted to share it. (especially looking back and seeing all that Friday held!!)

It’s titled “The Graciousness of Uncertainty”.  I was hooked already. It went on to say:

“Naturally, we are inclined to be so mathematical and calculating that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We imagine that we have to reach some end, but that is not the nature of spiritual life. The nature of spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty; consequently we do not make our nests anywhere.  Common sense says—“Well, supposing I were in that condition…” We cannot suppose ourselves in any condition we have never been in. 

                Certainty is the mark of the common-sense life: gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life.  To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day may bring forth.  This is generally said with a sigh of sadness; it should be rather an expression of breathless expectation.  We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God.  Immediately we abandon to God, and do the duty that lies nearest, He packs our life with surprises all the time.  When we become advocates of a creed, something dies; we do not believe God, we only believe our beliefs about Him.  Jesus said, “Except ye…become as little children.”  Spiritual life is the life of a child.  We are not uncertain of God, but uncertain of what He is going to do next.  If we are only certain of our beliefs, we get dignified and severe and have the ban of finality about our views; but when we are rightly related to God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty, and expectancy.

                “Believe also in Me,” said Jesus, not—“Believe certain things about Me.” Leave the whole thing to Him, it is gloriously uncertain how He will come in, but He will come.  Remain loyal to Him.”

I pray my life is marked by Gracious Uncertainty! (I’m pretty sure that if/when it comes time to change my blog name this will be it!)    

Oh, one last thing…I woke up with a sore throat this morning.  Please pray it’s nothing and will simply go away! Tinate Parek!

I pray you are loving and suffering well.