Begging and Pleading

Tuesday June 21st, 2011


I was excited to head out to Longira village with Andrew and Sarah. I had heard of such amazing things throughout the week from those that had been coming out here. Last minute I found out that Thomas had decided to come as well. I was so happy to hear so knowing it meant I’d have some time with my dear friend that I hadn’t planned on having! I love Jesus for his sweet blessings. The drive out there was…fun. The truck was packed full of people (as usual) and became more packed along the way as we’d add a few here and there. Once arriving at the church spot we all piled out and realized there wasn’t anyone there yet. They were told we’d be back and to come there at that time. The plan was to go out to those who hadn’t been reached already that week and then come back together once getting the world out for discipleship time. So, as all true Africans do, we waited. :) No one showed up for a couple hours. It was such a great time with those who came along to translate. We were able to just talk and enjoy each other’s company.

The decision was finally made that the few of us there would all split up into small groups and go out hut to hut sharing the Gospel and inviting people to the afternoon discipleship time . With me were Thomas and Alfred. Everyone we were supposed to follow up with was not home. Eventually, we stopped at the home of the guy who was deaf and mute.

We were informed that he hadn’t always been deaf and mute. He had gotten really sick a few years ago and almost died. After all was said and done, he survived, but ended up being deaf and mute. The young man’s father continued sharing that they had taken him to church hoping their prayers for healing would help and that they continue to pray for healing often.

I cannot adequately express how burdened my heart was for this young man. While his mouth said nothing, His eyes said a thousand words.

I asked if we could pray for him. I was determined. I was going to beg and plead the Lord for healing on his behalf. Begging and pleading is what I did. I know Jesus is in no way confined by a mute mouth or deaf ears and that He is more than powerful enough to speak clearly to this man so that He would make Himself known, but I wanted him to be healed. I wanted Jesus to be made known and this man’s healing to be one of those ways.

Thomas and I both prayed. I looked at the man and asked him if he could hear me. Nothing. I asked him if he could try and speak. Nothing.

I wasn’t done. He wasn’t done. I sat there, my knees resting on that orange dirt, my hands resting on this young man’s shoulders and I looked to Thomas and knew without saying a word he understood I wanted to keep praying. I just felt that I wasn’t to stop praying. So, we continued.

I told the Lord that I knew his goodness was in no way defied by physical healing. But, I still wanted that for this man. I told Jesus that I know that in asking it doesn’t always mean it’s what will be done. But, I still wanted that for this man. I told God that I knew He could magnify Himself in any way He so choose to do so. But, I wanted it to be by healing this man.

Thomas prayed. He prayed so fervently and with a conviction that humbled me.

Nothing.

For a third time, we prayed and begged and pleaded.
It was not His will that day to heal that young man. I confessed to Jesus my desires of healing, but also proclaimed that I wanted His will above mine….regardless of what that meant.
I walked away from that man and that home that day overwhelmed to tears. My heart was broken for that man…for his family…for his community. Jesus broke me to the core asking me if I truly trusted that man’s state with Him. Did I trust that Jesus could heal even if He didn’t choose to? Did I trust that His will is far greater than mine? Did I trust that He is good even if circumstances that He allows simply are not?

We and spent so much time there that it was time to head back to the tree where the church was for discipleship. I was happy to find that a good number of people had gathered and were ready for teaching. They sang hymns in KuKu and a message was preached/discussed. Then was time for baby dedications! It was so sweet to see Andrew dedicate twins and their older sibling.
It was all so surreal and beautiful.

It was a bitter sweet drive home that day. I knew it was my last time out in a village. I tried to take it all in as we drove on the bumpy road.

Memories flooded me.

Faces flashed in my head.

Conversations echoed in my ears.


I trust you, Jesus.

The time is now.

Monday June 20th, 2011


So, it was decided I’d join Steve at the Bible School on Monday afternoon. He was set to teach on discipleship to the students and I was very interested in sitting in and observing. I not only wanted to observe Steve’s way of teaching, but also their responses. First thing that morning, Ami and I were dropped off at the church compound and I showed her around so she was able to take pictures of this and that. I realized as I was doing so just how much pride I took in showing her around. This place really had become home. Before we knew it, it was lunch time so Ami, Steve, and I headed over to the Seed Effect office to eat lunch with everyone there as I had done just about every single day since being in South Sudan. After lunch we headed over to the Bible School classroom.

I sat there and watched as Steve reviewed and taught on discipleship to all of the students. I was encouraged. A lot of the things I had processed through myself while being there..the things that work, those that don’t..my successes and failures…a lot of that was brought into his teaching. I slowly began to feel like I was watching live in slow motion as the Lord began to prick the ears of my heart…

“Nothing you do for me is in vain.”

“The work you have done for me is of far greater worth than you even realize”

“Remember, my timing is perfect.”

I had the enormous realization that all I had been working towards was right there in front of me.

It was overwhelming.

                               Powerful.

                                             Beautiful.

                                                          Encouraging.

                                                                            Worshipful.

I had many conversations throughout the 4 months about just how to get discipleship out there in a larger realm- a larger, more effective way. I just knew the Bible students were the key, but for one reason or another it just hadn’t happened.

Now, I watched and listened as the students grasped it all. They got it. Not only did they get it, they were excited about it! I had to keep myself from getting overly emotional as I sat there on the side of the room observing. Yet again, He spoke…

“Soon, your time will be done here, but not the work I am doing. It will continue.”

“As much as you love these people, I love them more. “

“I will make myself known.”

Although unplanned, Steve was asked to come back the next day. They wanted to practice facilitating the discipleship groups and come back the next day to share and confirm they understood in knowledge and application.

The time was now.