Depravity and Desperation

It amazes me. I am amazed at how God works. As I sit here right now I am so tired--physically and emotionally. I could lay my head down right now and be out in mere minutes and honestly, I don't even want to type this all out. But, it's because of that I feel for some reason this time I should. What amazes me is how the Lord knows each and every intricate detail of what I need and when I need it. It also amazes me how He faithfully fills me up in His perfect timing knowing that trials and such will come my way so that I have a wealth of His love, encouragement, and purpose to draw from. This past weekend was so refreshing. I was able to go to Arizona for my cousin's wedding. Can I say that it was absolutely beautiful and I was blessed by it. I took a ton of pictures and enjoyed each and every one of them! I was given opportunities to share the Good News and share the Good News is what I did! It is literally one of the greatest joys in my life. It energizes me, encourages me, sanctifies me, and challenges me each and every time I am afforded the opportunity to have something as pure and beautiful as the Gospel grace my lips and into some one's ears. It's as if everything around me disappears but me and the person I'm talking to. I suppose that's because nothing else at that moment comes close to being as important as the message I am called to share. If only that were how I treated each and every moment--insignificant if not used in a way to share Christ in one way or another. I am rejuvenated and I fall more in love with my Redeemer when I am asked to tell about Him. I love that about my Love. I love that I can share about what He accomplished and what that means for the person I'm talking to--knowing what that means for me--knowing that it's coming from one depraved, sinful soul desperately in need of God's grace to another needing just the same with a sincere and desperate desire to see others have the joy, peace, and trust that Christ provides to those who surrender their live in obedience to the will of the Father.

So, from this weekend, I'm pumped, filled, and plain full of joy. I get to work today, faithfully deal with the plate that the Lord served, and I sit here now-just getting home about 30 minutes ago-and I'm drained. I am so disappointed in some circumstances--scratch that...choices, rather. If I've said it once, I've said it 100 times--life is all about choices. Then, the consequences to those choices, good or bad. Disappointment is an interesting thing. It's almost like it hits you like a load of bricks when you don't expect it. I got hit right in the stomach with a load of bricks today. I think what makes it so real is how I see myself even in being disappointed in someone else who is making bad choices that will effect her life and others that she cares about years down the road. I am reminded how I treat the Lord too often and how I make bad choices that don't always please the Lord too often and how I willingly disobey the Lord to follow my own selfish desires too often. It grieves me to know what I feel is how I make the Lord feel...even IF it were just once! Lord knows, it's more than that though. The desire to beg and plead and SHAKE a person into the right path, to MAKE them see what they are doing is only hurting themselves, to tell them you love them, support them, and only want what's best for them enough that they'll go on the path of righteousness is overwhelming. I thank God that He knows what we need and that He allows us to be broken so He can fix us. I thank God for forgiveness when we sin. I thank God for grace when we don't deserve diddly-squat. I thank God for love when we feel unlovable. I thank God for a warm embrace when we feel vulnerable. I thank God for friends when we feel alone. I thank God for being the ONLY thing that can completely and wholeheartedly satisfy the void we have--the void created precisely for Him! I've been reminded by a friend that if we stay grieved every time someone makes a bad decision we would never have any joy and that is not what God wants for us. Our part is to faithfully pray for them and still be joyful. So hard, but I wouldn't want to displease the Lord by lacking in joy when I have so much to be bursting from the seams with joy about! (My weekend, for instance!).

I can't help but feel like a disappointed parent today. I've said many times that I just don't know how I'll cope with parenthood! My heart breaks for those that aren't my blood, much less a child created by my own DNA (Lord willing one day)! My hats off to those who the Lord has entrusted little guys and gals to..who grow up to be men and women. It is an investment that no price can be put on. I just looked at my mini-devotion calender thingy on my desk and read this...

"And you took your sons and daughters whom you bore to me and
sacrificed them as food to the idols. Was your prostitution not
enough? You slaughtered my children and sacrificed them to the
idols." Ezekiel 16: 20-21

Parenting requires undergirding our children with prayer, enveloping them
with love, and overshadowing them with consistent spiritual nurture. It
requires training through lifestyle and faithful instruction. --Dorothy
Patterson

I think I'd be safe to say this could apply to believers living as an example to anyone and everyone. Yet again, God's perfect timing to speak Truth to me.

I sin. I disappoint. He forgives. He provides.

I owe Him my life. He willingly gave me His.

I am saved! Hallelujah!!!

Good 'ol Sprite

For your enjoyment...here is one of many types of things that my days include...

So I get out of the car yesterday after work to walk into Wal-mart in the 100 mph wind. (ok, maybe it's just 30 mph or something but you get the point) It definitely brings back memories to the college days in Lubbock...back to the point--so I'm wearing my skirt from Africa. So, just imagine a cute wrap around with little fringe and beads on the side. I'm on the phone with my sister, go to grab my skirt on the side in efforts to spare the fellow wal-mart shoppers a show and I get about half way to the door and go to release and my key chain (one from Africa..go figure) is wrapped and stuck in the fringe of my skirt. I almost pulled off my skirt in efforts to keep it on! So, I'm battling the wind, on the phone, my keys are stuck ON my skirt, and all of a sudden I feel like I had just got shot in the ankle with a Beebe gun. No lie. I look down and the wind had a lovely crushed sprite can flying across the parking lot, only to find my ankle...not to mention, the contents of the can that were still in it...all over my leg. So, now I'm just trying to succeed in not looking like a total weirdo as I STILL can't get my keys off of my skirt. OK, so when I say stuck I'm not saying...oh, for a couple seconds and it was free...I'm saying I was walking in wal-mart for like 5 minutes trying to get my dadgum keys OFF of my skirt!! Needless to say, I succeeded. So I left wal-mart with less money than I went in with, keys in my hand, and a small cut on my right ankle.

Truly, life is an adventure each and ever day! :)

A life full of Rice Crispies

There are times I find myself stopping dead in my tracks and looking at my life and pondering. Literally, it's like something hits me and the Lord grabs my attention. Different life circumstances tend to make me take a step back and think upon specific situations I've been in, attitudes I've had or haven't had, and emotions I've battled or embraced. The bitter sweet things in life are the most intriguing to me. The fact that a person can feel two of the most opposite emotions at one time, regarding a situation or person just blows my mind. Only God could create such a being. Only God could love such a being the way He does!

As I was stirring the big pot of marshmallows and margarine tonight, or should I say a huge gob of sugary mess, the Lord reminded me of His sweet, sweet truth. Ironic? I think not. I stared at the creamy white fluff and got lost in one of his many beautiful stories, my life. Where am I at in the story of my life right now? Well, I find myself in a place where I've never been stretched quite like I have in the past 3 months or so--specifically in the precise ways He's decided to stretch me this time. My job isn't really a job at all. Yes, I accomplish "work"..whatever that means anyways, but it truly is an opportunity to serve the Lord in many ways. It's my opportunity. It's my ministry. I am in a constant battle of the flesh--my selfishness, my wants, my feelings, etc. and reminded with an urgency that those have to be thrown (not placed) out the door if I'm to love others as He loves me. If I am to impact as He desires me to impact, for His glory, then I am to truly live His life, not mine. I am to give of my time, exhaust my patience, pour out my love, lavish grace, and exude in joy. You see, none of that is even mine to give, but His from the beginning so who am I to keep it to myself? There are more nights than not these past few months that I lay my head down and I am exhausted in every sense of the word. I don't have one more encouraging word, one ounce of patience left, or the energy to go up one flight of sitars. At least, that's how I feel. Truly though, should it be any other way?? Should I have anything left? Shouldn't I have poured out everything to those the Lord placed in my life that day in order to be filled back up by Him for another day? I often hear the words "in your weaknesses, I am strong" over and over and over in my head as I answer the phone again, get in my car again, console again. What a privilege!! What an honor to serve those He loves, adores, cherishes, created!

I came across a blog that truly spoke the teachings I hadn't put into words quite yet. Yet again, His perfect timing. It is titled EGRs . Here's a glimpse..

One category of "widows and orphans" that's easy to overlook is the socially poor. In one of my former circles, we referred to them as EGRs—extra grace required. I look back on that now and cringe. What made us think that we weren't EGRs ourselves? ...

...We all know such people (maybe you and I are among them), and they are among those whom God calls needy. They are typically very lonely people because sooner or later they alienate everyone around them. Such people aren’t in need of our money or anything material, which is why we often fail to recognize them as “widows and orphans.” What they need is our friendship. What they often get, if anything, is merely our pity, and after a polite word or two, we are quick to move away.To care for this sort of "widow and orphan" is sometimes nothing more than being willing to listen—again. It is to offer encouragement—again. It is to steer them along a godly path—again. It is to stay alongside them when every fiber of our being yearns to be anywhere but in their company. Gritting our teeth and doing it isn’t enough. They might be unable to tell the difference between politeness and genuine caring, but God can tell. Yet the only way we can do it without gritted teeth is by means of God’s grace. If we ask him for the ability to love the EGRs around us, he will give it to us. After all, he has only EGRs to love.

God has purposed me to be where I am right now. I am single and able to pour out to the college age Bible study that I help with-give rides, buy meals, and pray whole heatedly, I am able to stay at work late listening to a confused and broken heart, I am able to stay up way past bed time making rice crispy treats for the post-college life group I'm in and enjoy the smiles on the guys faces while eating them knowing they would most likely never make them themselves (I'm assuming, we'll see if it comes true tomorrow night :), I can drive to Dallas on a work night and stay out late when a friend needs me, I can go to Uganda and be changed from the inside out, I can serve my God and call to Him as my ultimate companion, comforter and all in all, knowing that He is truly all I need. I do pray one day, Lord willing, I will have a like minded partner to serve with. (Trust me, He hears many of these prayers!) If it's tomorrow He sends him my way, praise God! If it's way off in the future, I still praise you Father and ask for patience! haha...But for now, for today, truly I am so grateful for my life and the fact that it is full of making Rice Crispy Treats!!!

"Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you. Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other. And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient, with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else. Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

1 Thessalonians 5:12-18