oNe MonTh

One month.

Can you remember what you did one month ago today? I hugged and kissed my family and friends (and cat and dogsJ) goodbye and boarded a plane. It was so hard. It was exciting. It was freeing. It was a literal step of faith. I was overwhelmed with all of the possibilities and still so, so certain I was doing exactly what God wanted.

I can still remember the night I heard Him tell me I was going to Sudan like it was yesterday. Life seemed a bit chaotic with lots of changes at work. Nothing was for sure. My position was ending and I still had no idea what my new one would be, if there would be one. I walked into my room one evening. I got out the sheet of paper that I had felt led to write out the night before. It was a literal list of options…possibilities. The very last option at the bottom of the sheet was long(er) term missions in Africa. I stood there in the middle of my room, looked down at my paper, and began praying. Within seconds I was weeping. I was taken aback. Why was I crying like this, Lord? You, my child, are grieving all of the things you are going to be leaving, He told me. I knew right then. I was going to Africa for an amount of time I didn’t quite know then, but knew it was longer than my 2 week trips in the past. Boy, did I grieve.

I sit here now, one month into this journey He has set out before me. Most days I still get hit with the fact that I live here, in Sudan. It’s still surreal. I wonder if that will eventually wear off. I feel like I’ve been here longer than a month to tell the truth. One day can hold so much that it seems to be enough for a whole week! Time isn’t really the same here. When you don’t have the meticulous schedule, it all just flows.

I’ve learned so much, yet know it’s nothing compared to what is ahead. I’m being broken. It’s a beautiful mess. Have you ever known the privilege to hurt as He hurts for his people? It’s ridiculously painful and sanctifying. It forces me to my knees calling out to the only One who can comfort, heal, change, save.

I’m trying to patiently learn what it looks like to simply dwell in His presence. To be fully satisfied being still. To fully be “His gal” as I was gently reminded not to overlook by a sweet friend of mine. There are so many things I’m still trying to figure out and learn. By His grace I trust He will teach me.

Today I went to Jalimo village for the first time. It’s a 30 minute ride out there on a motor bike. I really do enjoy the rides out to the villages (most of the ride, anyways). I’ve always loved riding with my dad on his motorcycle. There’s just something freeing about the wind in your face. Of course, there’s added dynamics to riding a little motor bike in Sudan on the gravel roads (if you’re lucky) or more likely, the obstacle course that is known as Africa. I was also made very aware of the fact that bugs hitting your face while going a decent speed feels alllllllmost the same as getting a shot with a beebee. I had the privilege of experiencing that a few times. I suppose I should be thankful, it’s likely I got the good end of the interaction between myself and the bugs. J I find myself just taking in the scenery on the journey. I’m working up the guts to actually have my camera around my neck and snap a few shots while in motion. Until then, my eyelids are my camera. Trust me; I take hundreds of pictures along the way. It’s one of those things that you just want to share with those you love.

About half way through the ride, I was praying and had a sweet reminder of God’s presence. When I go on motorcycle rides with my dad he will reach back and squeeze or pat my knee affectionately. I’ve always taken it as his way of reminding me he loves me and is glad I’m there with him. It’s one of those small things that mean a lot. It’s as if my Abba did that today for me. Just a sweet little reminder that He loves me and is glad I was there.

Things went well in Jalimo and the clients there were introduced to the IA2 groups. They want me to come back on Thursday to begin the group. Oh, and this is totally random, but I had to laugh at myself because of it. One of the ladies in Jalimo today was pregnant, beautifully so. You can tell she is due any time now. Bless her heart; you could see how uncomfortable she was. I thought to myself as I was off in lala land because Scovia was discussing things in KuKu and I have about an hour to myself sitting there in front of everyone…I would LOVE it if she went into labor right NOW!! I’ve seen many births in the states (because of my previous job), but not one in AFRICA! I’ll be honest; I played it all out in my head. It would have been awesome. I know, random.

Okay, so do you want in on something?........I’m human. AHH!

I was reminded of that loud and clear yesterday. Yesterday was the first day I can honestly say was all in all hard for me. Now, before I go on. Please understand something. When I say it was hard for me that does not necessarily mean it was a bad day. It FELT like a bad day, but even in my frustrations I know that those days are often the ones I am stretched to rely even more so on Him. So, that being said, outside of my emotions and how it felt, it was actually a wonderful day of growth. (Isn’t it funny how God works that way? I so desperately want growth for those I’m serving and He’s accomplishing just that in me!)

The honest to goodness truth is though there was many times I just wanted to go away. I know myself. I know when I get to a certain point it’s really hard for me to get in the right mindset. Lord knows I wear every last bit of emotion on my sleeve (further proven when at least 3 people at the office asked if I was tired or missing my ‘mommy’), so it’s not like I could do even a fair job of brushing it to the side. Boy, I sure did try though! I pretty much forced myself not to cry on and off all day. That is a task in and of itself for me!

I kept trying to ask myself WHY I was annoyed. WHY did I want to cry? Why? What’s the root of all this?

There were many answers, but after spending some much needed time alone (ironically in the middle of my room…crying, where it all began) with the Lord I came to a couple main ones.

1. I am impatient. Yeah, that didn’t feel good.

2. I feel like a broken record. Not heard. Not understood. Replaying over and over and over.

I want to see results. I want these groups to form, for there to be consistency, accountability, for those participating to be thoroughly blessed by them and in turn to GROW! Those are amazing hopes and goals, yet I find myself getting wrapped up in reaching a goal, that I think I’m risking overlooking the process in getting there. I’m trying to find the balance.

I found myself yesterday realizing that since I’ve been here, I have been tirelessly repeating the same thing over and over and over in each attempt to meet with a group. I’ve yet to have the same group of people meeting twice. I was annoyed that I felt like I was just saying words over and over again, and starting to feel that I’m not even really expressing my heart. It’s hard when you keep at something, just hoping for an inkling of anything that shows you they “get” it.

For the first time I had the thought, what if I get back to the states and there’s no evidence that anything has been accomplished?! Immediately, I knew that thought was not of God. First off, this…any of this… has nothing to do with me!! Second, what a statement full of fear and NOT of the God I serve!

It was just a constant battle in my head yesterday. Back and forth.

So hard. Stretching. Necessary for growth.

Would you please pray that I will be refreshed with an abundance of joy? Pray that I will be given a determined spirit, not for anything of myself, but for the works of the Lord to be accomplished in and through me. Please pray that God will continue to work on the hearts of those He wants to touch through these discipleship groups. Please pray that ANY selfishness or agenda that I may have will be replaced with a completely understanding and patient spirit as I am guided by the Holy Spirit. Please pray that I will continue to choose Truth over any lies or emotions the enemy wants me to believe.

Today’s post is a bit raw. All of the above being said, I am still so enormously grateful that I get to do this. I get to serve the Lord in a place that He gave me a passion for. It is an enormous privilege, one that I am constantly thanking Him for. Thank you all for your continued support and prayers. I am so thankful for each and every one of you and feel the abundance of prayers often!! God has used YOU as a means to help make all of this happen. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

I will now leave you with a lesson learned from Sudan: jumping up and down to pump the water rather than not, is the way to go. From day one I watched how the women and children pumped the water. They didn’t just move the lever up and down, but literally used their whole body and jumped up and down. I get it now. Once the team left, I went to pump my own water for my room. I did 3 jerry cans full before Alice came to me and took the lever from me, saying, “You are tired!” I looked at her; I had thought I was doing pretty well!!! Haha So, I just let her. There’s not much arguing when they step in and serve you. So, a few days ago I needed to fill up my jerry cans again. I have 6 of them that I keep in the bathroom for when I bathe, wash my hair, and fill the tank to flush the toilet. I line them up like they do along the well. A few of the kiddos were at the well. (There’s always someone there) I can’t do much around here, but I CAN help pump their water!! So, I pumped 2 or 3 Jerry can’s full of the kiddo’s water for them. Each Jerry Can is 10 liters. It takes quite a bit of pumping to get one full. I felt good though! I was proud of myself. So, I kept going with mine. I did 3 more and I was feeling it. My arms were wanting nothing more to do with it! Haha So, I thought….hmmm, with the risk of looking silly I’m going to try and jump. IT WAS SO MUCH BETTER! I mean, it’s simple logic, but I’m stubborn. I was able to use my body weight instead of just my arms! J I pumped all but one of my cans, and Alice came over and started laughing. I was beet red and sweating like a man. No lie. She looked at me and took over. Once she and I had lugged the cans to my room (they are heavy, I might rethink my goal of trying to carry it on my head by the time I leave) I felt like I had a full work out!! Seriously. Oh, the joys of Africa…. :)

Beauty in Brokenness

Hi! I’m really excited about this post….ready??

Things are going to start getting pretty busy. I’m ready!  All but one of the 5 targeted villages has been educated simply on what IA2 is and what exactly is involved in the discipleship groups. They have all also relayed back to us what days and times would work best for them to start meeting! In addition to those 5, we’ve decided to add one more, since they specifically asked us to come once they heard about it! So, 6 of the 7 loan group locations will be starting discipleship! Plus, the SE staff will begin a group as well as a separate group with the SE vocational students! In addition to that, there might be some “other” locations not associated with SE at all that I might venture to! I’ll tell you more about that later. Oh, and it’s been mentioned that we might start discipleship groups in the secondary school. So, we shall see.

So, if all goes as planned (ha!), here’s what this coming week will look like:
Monday:
Noon-1: IA2 with Vocational Students
1:30 – (these usually last the whole afternoon once you travel there, wait, wait, wait, get started, visit, and head back):IA2 Wudu (this is the largest group and am praying for discernment on how to handle the large numbers if the Lord decides to send them…this is the one that Moses from the Market place would be at, the 4 ladies I talked to the other day at the market, and the gentlemen I talked to who thought my name was Monica!)
Tuesday:
11 Educational Seminar in Jalimo (pretty far away) and the first IA2 group meeting. We decided to go ahead and jump in since they have already been informed by word of mouth and to prevent a huge lapse in time before hearing back from them as to when they would like to start.
IA2 with Vocational Students depending on time with Jalimo
Wednesday:
12-1: IA2 with Vocational Students
Thursday:
11 IA2 in Mondikolok (this is the village we decided to add last minute…will be my first time there!)
Friday:
8: IA2 with SE Staff
12 IA2 with Vocational Students
2 IA2 in Kiri Village
Saturday:
12 IA2 in Leikor Market
Sunday:
9 Church!
Rest? :) (Good chance I’ll be venturing out to a different village not too far to talk about starting a group (MAYBE Rapha group) after church sometime.

Exciting stuff, huh?! :)

So, I feel like a beauty pageant contestant with a full audience of children!! It’s so true! I’ve got the wave DOWN! It’s odd, because it just started when I began riding with Scovia on the motorbike everywhere this past week, but it seems like that kicked off every single child yelling, no matter how far they are from me, “Gelatat!! Gelatot!!! Hiiiiiiiiiiii!!! How are youuuuuuuu?!!!! Byyeeeeeeeeeeee!!” I smile, wave, respond, to which they bust out in laughter, shrieking, and giddy excitement. Gelatot. White person. Scovia told me it literally means clear skin, pure and white, without blemish. She said she loves hearing it, that it’s a positive thing. Think about that. She told me that as we were driving somewhere and I just sat there taking it in. Now, every single time I hear it, (and I hear it a lot, a whole lot) it’s as if God is reminding me how I am to be, how He sees me not because that’s who I am on my own, but because of His blood and cleansing power. Pure, without blemish. That precisely what I have been studying!!!...how as the Bride of Christ I am to be pure and holy and without blemish. How cool is our God to tie it all together??

Saturday. Saturday was the second time I was to meet in Leikor Market. I had been praying for the Lord to really do a work there this week. I had a bit of a negative attitude about last week’s meeting. It was just chaotic. That being said, God can use chaos in a heartbeat, and I fully trust He did. I just was begging the Lord for wisdom and discernment in how to make it “work” better. I prayed that He would bring the specific people he wanted there and to give them a desire to focus, participate, be all in. I knew He wanted me to start again at square one. He wanted me to make this meeting about getting to know each other’s stories.

So, Scovia calls and says she’s running a little late, so I told her I’d walk over there and meet her at the Market. I just couldn’t keep a smile off my face as I’m walking down the orange dirt road, my Bible in hand, behind a group of women with things piled high on their head. I mean, I stick out like a sore thumb, y’all!!! I was SO the white, Bible thumping gal, walking down the African road…and I LOVED IT! :) As I’m walking, I notice a gal from the vocational school. It’s not hard to miss her; she has to be 6’4, a whole head taller than most anyone. She is stunningly beautiful. She looked at me and with a puzzled look on her face asked where I was headed. So, I tell her the market. So was she! (Yet again, such a joy in KNOWING people) So, Jacqueline and I chatted and finished our walk to the market. I got there and Scovia hadn’t arrived yet. I figured this would be the case and fully expected to have a few awkward minutes of not being able to really converse with anyone and just stare at each other. I sweet older lady starts to just talk away to me as if I know every word she is saying. Funny thing is, I knew the jist of it. She was telling me about all of her physical pains. She had pounding pain in her back, her chest. Her legs ached. She felt weak. Amazing how communication is still possible without me knowing one actual word she was saying. They got me a stool, and I sat down right in the middle of the isle and the women in the market. I knew they were all talking about me. I was trying to just guess what they were saying. I know for a fact at one point they were talking about my tattoo on my foot. They tried SO hard not to stare at it, so I went ahead and just stuck my foot at to make it easier on them. :) My tattoo, it sure is a conversation piece here. Maybe I’ll talk about that some other time. I’m sitting there, praying, they are all chatting, and then I feel someone touch my arm. The sweet old lady was handing me something. It was a popo. It’s a fruit here, almost like a mango, but not. She was simply offering me a gift just because. Just because. Humbling. I didn’t dare refuse.

Scovia arrives and we talk about getting started. They ladies wanted to do it right there like last week. I knew it wasn’t supposed to happen that way. I just knew. So, I was pretty clear to Scovia that they would be very distracted, no one would really focus, and it needed to be outside of the main market area so we could actually interact as a group. She agreed. :) I was praying so hard that God would just allow it to all come together; I looked and pointed to a clear area just behind the main market area. Perfect. I’m telling you, I’m praying specifically for things, and then they would happen! I prayed that He would allow it to be a more intimate set up, even so much as a circle. The all grabbed their little stools…and ended up all in a circle. Thank you, Jesus! Everything felt so different than last week. There were a good 10 women focused and invested. Probably 5-8 more on the outskirts of the group listening as well. I thanked them for being there, I welcomed them, and I opened us up in prayer. I explained that we were going to share our stories. I began. Once I finished, I asked who would like to go next. There was literally only a few seconds of silence until one of the ladies raised her hand. We were off. I remember sitting there as I am listening and asking the Lord to please be there with us. Please show up, God. Please, move. Please reveal yourself. My whole body got goose bumps. He was there. I felt Him.

The first story, she was involved in witchcraft. A cross was literally scratched into her back. She ended up going to a church seeking help. She received the Lord, He healed her, she expressed that He is her BEST FRIEND and she clasped her hands together to express how close she is with Him. Beautiful.

Then there was a second story, and then a third. The third story was the sweet older women who gave me the gift. She was so precise when speaking. She knew what she wanted to share. She gave birth to 10 children and 9 of them died while in exile in a refugee camp in Uganda. The only child she has left is a drunk and will often make his way to her home and beat her. She is always in pain physically. She feels like her life is meant for suffering. That being said, she knew Jesus was with her. She knew He loved her. She knew that it is only because of Him that she can find any peace. He is her life. I almost lost it.

Scovia then shared her story and spoke a bit about some Scripture. I knew we weren’t done. I asked if there was anyone else who wanted to share. Silence. Silence. Silence. Then, to my left, I saw a hand go up. This woman had been noticeably listening. She had been making eye contact when anyone was speaking. God had made me aware of this. Her face was emotionless and her eyes seemed full of so much pain. She began her story. She was raised in a Christian home. She went to church and prayed because she knew she was supposed to. In 1994 she got married and it was a huge blessing. In 1995 she gave birth to her first child. At the same time a girl came to live with them to help this woman around her home, etc. Someone this girl became really sick and after a short amount of time died. This woman shared that she was devastated. The girl’s parents blamed this woman, saying it was her fault and because she had taken their daughter they deserved to have hers!! She went on to explain that her husband said no, and didn’t let that happen. She explained that her whole family, even her own mother, turned against her. She said that it wasn’t long after that she became angry and mean. She didn’t care about taking care of her children, she didn’t care about God, she didn’t care about anything. She stated she just didn’t know how God would ever be able to help her……and she broke down. I saw over 15 years of pain and heartache bleeding out in front of me...and the rest of the group. She was curled up; her head under her shall that was in her hands, weeping. I looked up, tears in my eyes, and almost every other person was crying with her. Jesus was there. I wanted to cradle her in my arms. God told me to get up and comfort her. I wasn’t really exactly sure how this would be taken in this culture. To be honest, I haven’t seen many Africans really go deep enough to share their true emotion. They’ve had to survive for so long that emotions are too much to deal with. It’s the same for any human being that’s been through traumatic events and has had to simply survive. But, I knew it was what I was supposed to do. I squatted down next to her and put my arm around her. Betty. Betty is her name. I expressed my love for Betty. I expressed how courageous she was to share. I shared with her the Truth that it is only God who can choose to bring life and take it away, and just how hard it must have been to carry that on her shoulders for so long. I shared Jesus with her. I shared Love. I shared forgiveness and redemption and how God is big enough to take all of her pain. I shared that God is a jealous God, and wants all of her. I almost forgot for a bit that there were 10 or so other women sitting around. All were listening. I was reminded of this when after I would share something with Betty, a gentle “Mmm” would follow it. Agreement. Amens. She cried the entire time. Scovia spoke with her, too. Betty didn’t want to surrender her life to Christ. It was all too much. I could see everything that was shared with her just swirling in her mind. I couldn’t help but smile when the sweet older Mama decided to share something with her, too. She meant serious business!

Now, I knew we were finished for the day. I reminded the group that I would be there every Saturday at noon. I emphasized the importance of commitment to the group if they really wanted to gain much from it. Purposely, to get more participation, I asked if there was anyone who would like to close us in prayer. No one said anything and I just figured I’d try out picking someone. So, I asked the older lady if she would please close us in prayer. She looked at me, looked at those beside her and got this look on her face. Then she said something. Scovia looked at me and told me she had said she didn’t know how to pray. I totally didn’t expect that. So, I smiled and explained to her what prayer was…simply talking to Jesus like she and I had been talking. I went a little further and could tell she was uncomfortable. She took it into her own hands and called a lady over to pray. I laughed. So, this random other lady that was in the market came and closed us with prayer. It was a beautiful, simple, heartfelt prayer….a perfect example.

Finished.

I could have done a cartwheel I was so ecstatic at how well it went!! I never cease to be amazed when He shows up!!

I was walking back home, just a singing to the Lord thanking him for everything. I look to my right and I see the beautiful mountains and trees. Just on the other side of them is Uganda. It really is pretty here. His beauty. I got back to my room and I glanced down and saw the card. My wonderful and thoughtful roommate, Jen, made me note cards for every single day I am here that include a scripture and some personal prayers for me from her! I just love them and wake up each morning excited to see what the card says for the day!! So, I glanced down and for Saturday the scripture was Isaiah 55:12 “You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.” I got to see this truth in action, beautifully.

I relaxed around the compound the rest of the day and was in my room that evening, reading. The door was open as usual, and up walked Jacqueline and Blessing (both from the vocational school). She greeted me and I was happy to see them! They asked me how things went today. (Remember I had met Jacqueline while I was walking there), so I told them. Then Blessing busts out with, “We are going with you next time!!” Jacqueline looks at her and was like Blessing!! As if to be shocked she got to the point so quick! haha I smiled, and told them they could join me ANY time they wanted to!! They shook my hand, and off they were!! How cool is that?!!! They want to join in! I am in a constant state of being humbled.

This morning was church. I was kinda blah about it today. I don’t really know why. I was the only American there. Everyone else had gone to the first service I assumed. They do things a bit opposite from America here. In America you don’t dare call out the visitors in church because that would draw way to much attention to them and might possibly embarrass them. No way, Jose. Here, they take PRIDE in the new visitors and the new visitors stand up, say who they are, where they come from, and what brought them there! I had already done this 2 weeks ago along with being called to the front to “share a bit” with the church. So, I sat there so thankful that part was over for me, I kind of of wanted to just be at church, not a special guest. Ha. That’s a funny thought. One of the visitors shared that he drank a lot (alcohol), did things against the Lord, and was told last night by the Lord to come to church this morning. He introduced himself as Simon. Of course, my attention is held the second I hear alcohol. I began praying, Lord, do your thing. I know you will. Rapha has been on my heart more the past few days and I have been praying for direction. So, the visitors get done and the pastor then announced how wonderful it is to have the special guest (yes, word for word…ironic? Never.) again….Jessica Page. He goes on to explain that I’m here to work with those who have been drunks and struggle with alcohol and that I will be talking with Simon for 10-20 minutes after the service and anyone else who wants to. I FORCED my eyes not to bugle out! I thought, “Really, God?!! This is what you have in mind?!!” as I smiled and nodded. My God sure does have a sense of humor. I think once He sees that I’m willing to step out in obedience He enjoys giving me a little shove every now and then knowing I can’t say no, that I’ve seen Him show up in the past and have no doubt He will continue to….forever. At the end of the service during the time of prayer and commitment time I was pleading to the Lord to draw Simon to Him…to save him. Simon stood up and walked to the front. I wanted to jump up and down yelling, “YES! YES! YES!” Another brother! Oh, I forgot to mention that in the middle of a daydream about who knows what I was called out from the pastor to read a scripture to the whole congregation. I think some people would literally keel over if that were to happen in church at home. This is Africa. :)

So, we finish, I head out the door, and Simon is walking up to me in his baby blue trousers and jacket set with his neon yellow socks. I love it. Scovia joins (for translation) us and we go to sit down under the tree to talk. He shares his story with me. God spoke to him in a dream last night. God specifically told him to go to First Baptist Wudu in the morning. He listened and came, even with his wife questioning him and telling him she didn’t actually believe he would make it. He’s struggled with drinking for 3 years now, so much so that his children don’t have money for school fees. He begins crying. He is grieved by his sin. He confirmed that he had in fact surrendered his life to Jesus today. He wanted to change. He knew it was possible with Christ. I counseling with him for a while, encouraging him, telling him it would likely be hard, but that nothing was impossible with Christ. I think Scovia and I are going to head to his village to seek out the opportunity to have him start a group there. I’m seeking guidance as to if it’s to specifically be a Rapha group, or an IA2 group…possibly both. We shall see. Will you please pray for this? Pray for Simon. Pray for protection now that he’s choosing Life. The enemy isn’t pleased. Simon said his biggest desire was to share all of this with his wife, to bring her to church next week. He said he wants his whole family to change, to live for Jesus. It’s that beautiful?! I pray it happens, and happens sooner than later!

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” 2 Cor. 1:3-4

What's in a Name?

I heard the familiar sound of a motor bike pull into the compound on Monday. Since I was the only one on the compound, or probably one of two people, I had an inkling of who it could be. The oh, so familiar prayer for the Lord to give me His words and direct the conversation was upon my lips again as I sat in my room waiting….ah, there it is. “Jeska? Hello. Jeska!”

Innocent.

Last time he was looking for Kaya, and I think found himself in an in depth conversation with me about the Lord. This time, he didn’t ask where Kaya was. He asked if I was able to get him the Bible I had mentioned I would try and get for him. I was honestly a bit surprised! I hadn’t talked to anyone about getting it yet, and told him so. Of course, then started all of the questioning about why I hadn’t. Did I not have time, was it not important, did I just say I would and not intend to, etc. to which I had to remind him to sloooowwww down, and listen for my answer! I can’t help but smile each time he starts going as I’m waiting for him to get it all out so I can ask him if he’s ready for me to answer.

My conversations with Innocent leave me feeling drained at the end. It’s not a bad drained, but drained none-the-less. They take all of me. They require so much patience and much, much discernment in what to say, when. When I heard him drive up, I let out a deep breath. Do you ever simply just not want to talk? I mean, you know when you talk to someone it’s not going to be quick and simple? Well, I do. I was sort of feeling that way as he drove up. I know it may not be the “top of the line Christian thing” to admit, but its real life for ya. I praise God that I didn’t allow the way I “felt” let me miss out on this conversation. I’ve had to ask for forgiveness many times in the past for passing up opportunities the Lord put specifically in my way. It’s simply a matter of obedience. Oh, how I desire to obey and to obey joyfully.

So, Innocent takes a seat on the rocks right outside my door, under the tree. After a few minutes, I pull up a few rocks myself. Haha. Innocent and I discussed a lot of the same things, just in different contexts this time. There was a funeral up the road that TONS of people were going to. It’s a 3-7 day affair here after the burial. God used this to bring up death and the reality that we go SOMEWHERE when we die. I just love how he orchestrates conversation that way. He always does. So, then Innocent looks at me and innocently (no pun intended) looks at me and says, “Jeska, you know for sure where you are going when you die?” Oh, man with a confidence only Christ offers, I gleefully said, “Oh, yes I do.” To which he says, “For sure, for sure?!!” which was a bit out of disbelief. I think I used all of the solid, affirming, confident words in my vocabulary to express just how sure I was! Christ swung the door wide open and now it was time to allow His Truth to flood out. He was told again WHY I was absolutely positive I would be with Jesus in Heaven for eternity. We discussed forgiveness…who it’s for, the purpose, what it means if we don’t, etc. Come to find out, Innocent’s father was murdered and he had a child that was kidnapped and killed also. Try to talk about forgiveness with those circumstances. It’s hard. My heart just ached for him. We discussed what exactly a relationship is. What does a relationship actually LOOK like tangibly?! That then got us into reading the Word, and going to church, and praying. Of course, we kept coming back to simple faith and receiving the gift of salvation that Christ offers. Towards the end of our hour and a half conversation Innocent looked at me with a grin on his face and asked me if I thought he was born again. So, I just returned it with a smile and asked him if he thought he was born again. I knew he wanted to hear MY answer. So, I reminded him what the Bible says it means to be born again. I wanted nothing of ME to be what he leaves with. We had discussed already his reliance on what his priests tell him and him having to be told the hard truth by me (so not politically correct) that some of the things he says he’s been told simply are lies. So, I wanted him to have NO reliance upon me, but on what the Word of God says.

From where we left things, I still don’t think Innocent gets it. He’s still very stubborn to his life changing. But, friends, I do believe it’s a matter of time. He said he’ll be back by in a couple weeks. I intend to have a Bible for him. Continue to pray that the Holy Spirit will work on his heart and that it will please the Lord to allow all of these seeds to sprout!!

I went to bed on Monday night and it was SO MUCH cooler than it has been. I just laid there in bed thanking the Lord for this and fully savoring the fact that I was simply comfortable! I tell you, it was heaven on earth, friends!!

Each night as I lay down the day’s events scroll through my head. I find myself overflowing with thanks here. For some reason it’s easier to see all of the blessings throughout the day. I think it’s because nothing is taken for granted here, not for the most part. Nothing is ever promised, but here that is a reality. They don’t always have the “things” to distract from that hard truth. So, the fact that I have a bed to lie in, I am thankful. The fact that I eat beans every single day, most days twice, I am thankful. Most don’t have that luxury. You can go on and on and on. I laid there thinking about how I was talking with Sam earlier that night. He’s a guy from Sierra Leon staying here for a couple weeks as he is doing his children’s ministry in the area. I didn’t have anything out in the markets or the office on Monday, so it was another day to read, spend significant time with the Lord, help Alice out in the kitchen, etc. He always asks how my day was and I told him about my convo with Innocent and his response is, “Wow!! You had an amazingly productive day!! Praise the Lord!”

Perspective. There is so much in perspective. Many would assume that not much was accomplished since I didn’t check of a large to-do list. I mean, I didn’t even leave the compound! But, Sam beautifully reminded me that often the most important things accomplished are not seen. Much was accomplished today in my conversation with Innocent. Heavenly accomplishments. Oh, for more grace to have His perspective all of the time!

Guess what?!!! I woke up on Tuesday morning, opened my eyes, and realized I HAD SLEPT THROUGH THE WHOLE NIGHT!!!!! I may or may not have given a little “woohoo!!” sitting there under my mosquito net. J

I was refreshed. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Everything was so different that the previous days. I am amazed at how you don’t really realize what you are lacking sometimes until it is there again! While I was having good days, genuinely enjoying them and the people around me, there was a joy that had been missing…lightheartedness, really. I felt so much “lighter” as I was up and getting ready for the day.

Tuesday was simply a beautiful, filling day.

I started my day out by heading up to the SE office to do an IA2 group with the staff. I really was just so excited to do this with them! It ended up being a few of the staff and the rest those that are in the vocational school. There were around 15 of us total! It went so well and I was immensely encouraged. I was able to watch and see, too, that it isn’t just me that has to pull teeth to get group interaction and input. I saw how the SE staff also had to encourage and say over and over that opinions and comments were wanted, please communicate, etc. So, can you please be praying that God will really move in the hearts of those in these groups and give them a boldness to share openly and not be intimidated or fearful of being “wrong”. I can see how the enemy would just love to hinder in that way. Also, please pray that I will be given wisdom in knowing how to make it easier and more comfortable for them. I can’t change this white skin of mine, but I’m willing to pretty much do anything else! All in all, though, it was a major success!! Now, success is tricky…how are we to measure success? When I say success what I mean is that growth occurred. Plain and simple. There were a number of times that when directly asked or encouraged to share some awesome insight was given on the Scripture and there were at least 2 solid questions asked from women who didn’t understand certain things about the scripture. We went over Phil 3:3-9 and one lady was bold enough (after I made eye contact with her because I could tell her mind was just a working) to say that she didn’t understand what it meant by saying “we who are the circumcision”…what did that mean? I mean, that is a solid question! Before I could even open my mouth, one of the SE staffers explained it beautifully using other scripture references to explain the importance and significance of that. I’m pretty sure I was sitting there with a cheesy grin on my face watching it all happen before me. Growth.

Then, Scovia grabbed me and said we were headed to Wudu market. I really do find myself so excited to see all the Lord has in store. It VERY unpredictable and always so interestingly fun! Off we went. Can I share with you one of the many things that bless me so? As Scovia and I are walking we just talk away about anything and everything and we’ll joke and laugh and she’ll grab my hand and swing it back and forth as we walk. It’s one of those moments that the lens focuses out and I get a bird’s eye view of my life. It’s simply beautiful and amazingly humbling. I love it.

Come to find out we were there to help out a loan officer and do a loan repayment meeting. Sounded good to me! I was happy to get to actually see what it all looked like. I wish I could do justice in explaining how the market place is. There are so many bright colors, people here and there, bargaining, buying, talking, and visiting. For a people watcher like me, it was right up my alley! We stopped at one of the clients places (I’m at a loss for words as to what to call it..not really a store, but a tiny space with her products). I recognized her!!! I’ll mention more about my revelation of recognizing people in a bit. So, I got to visit with Milly and her daughter Rose as Scovia went off to do more business elsewhere in the market. I actually felt like I blended in a bit. Imagine that! I was watching and learning.

Scovia came back and told me that there were some ladies that wanted to meet me! Still, my first reaction is, “Me?? Who would want to meet me?!” But then, it clicks and I remember that people have been told about me coming. It’s a bit strange and I’m sure there is a significant spiritual tie I could bring into it. So, I’m taken over to an actual store front where 4 women warmly greet me. Scovia says, Okay, I’ll leave you here to visit and share about IA2 and heads off. Just writing that puts a smile to my face, because I just picture myself standing there. Sometimes I really do just laugh out loud at how God orchestrates everything. It’s just humorous sometimes. So, I walk in under the awning and take a seat. I was praising God that it was a seat just like theirs, a tiny wooden stool about 5 inches off the ground. I just don’t like always being given the nice chair and sitting above everyone. Sitting with them just feels so much better and right. So, right off the bat I was comforted to learn that Monica, one of the SE clients, knew English really well. Can I just say again how nice it is to be able to communicate one on one? So, there I was, getting to know these 4 beautiful ladies, all in a SE loan group. Come to find out, one of the original ones. I got to learn a bit about each of their stories, their families, and their progress and growth because of SE. Monica would translate for the other ladies after she and I would talk for a bit. I talked to them about the IA2 groups and they genuinely seemed excited. I was taking it all in and my heart was so full. I feel the most alive when I am interacting and with the people. Right then, right there…that’s what it is all about. Learning, laughing, loving. All was well with my soul. So, after a while we finished up, prayed, and I went back to Milly’s area. Scovia was finished as well so we started our way out of the market. As we were walking down the road I was trying to refresh my memory of all the names I had just learned. I desperately try and remember all that I can. So, Scovia is reminding me one of the women’s names was Monica. She said it a few times. Then, all of a sudden clue into the fact that I hear a man’s voice saying, “Monica!” I didn’t really put much to it. Then again, “Monica! Monica! Monica!” I look at Scovia and we both turn our heads to the area it was coming from and it all clicked. He heard her tell me the name Monica and assumed it was my name! He was calling me!! Scovia and I both laughed and she looked at me and said, “Let’s go!” So, we turn around and go towards the man (men) sitting there at the store front. I wondered what the Lord had in store this time. He wanted to know why I was here, wanted to talk to me. I don’t know that I can sufficiently express how surreal, yet awesome it is to be able to be pull up a chair and say to someone (who has asked!), “I have come here for a purpose. It’s not just to visit with you and the Sudanese, but to share the Truth of Jesus Christ. I come in His name and His name alone.” I mean, literally I say that word for words sometimes. And get this, they LISTEN!! Now, I just have to trust Jesus to do His thing and work on his heart. He put down the alcohol upon us walking up, and I could smell it on his breath. He was told about the IA2 group meeting on Monday by the church. He told me he would do everything he could to be there. Here’s to praying this happens!!!

Scovia and I began our walk back to the office quietly. Then she says, “You just can’t afford to pass up those opportunities!” I was thinking the same thing. I mean, I am often asked to share about Jesus here. I am called over to people and the door is opened WIDE. I looked at her and said, “I belong with the drunks. I really do!” She smiled. I came here thinking I was going to specifically work with Rapha, the alcohol recovery ministry that was started here, and Lord willing He has in in His plans for that to still happen!! But, I’ve come to realize that I am actively participating in this ministry almost every day as the Lord brings these men and women to me. Most everyone I’ve personally talk to one on one has been drunk, or at least has been drinking to some extent. God loves them. In fact, He adores them. My heart also aches for them to know the all surpassing love of my Savior. Oh, for them to fill that enormous void with Christ.

I realized something on Tuesday. I am starting to recognize people as I’m out and out. And, it’s not just recognizing, but actually knowing people! This is HUGE for me. If you know me at all, you know that I am a people person through and through. You may or may not know this but I put purposeful effort into remembering people’s names. One too many times I had the experience of feeling what it was like in college to literally have met someone like 6 times and yet they would come up to me and say, “Hi, I’m so and so. What’s your name?” So, I would smile and say, “Oh, I’m Jessica…I’m pretty sure we’ve met before” if I was feeling bold. If not, I’d just re-introduce myself again. And I could remember almost each and every time we had met, the conversation we had, etc. Now, that being said, I think I’ve just been given that type of memory. All of that being said, names are so important. They are in essence who we are. So, being placed in an environment where I meet someone but can’t even understand what they are saying to me much less their name is hard for me! So, it clicked for me. I was driving to the office on the motorbike and passed like 3 people who I knew by name and greeted as we drove by! We were walking to the market and we passed by a SE client that I recognized and was able to genuinely greet! We were driving by on the motor bike to head out to a village and I hear my name called. It was Moses from last week, who surrendered His life to the Lord! He had a huge grin on his face and I yelled “Doparana!!” as we went by. Oh, my joy. When we went to the market, I recognized Milly and Rose from the Education Seminar. This is huge! When you know people and they know you, it helps wherever you are to feel more like home.

I got back to the compound that evening just bubbling with joy.

I slept soundly that night.

All was right.

Some days...

Saturday March 12, 2011

Some days just are.

I went to bed somewhat early last night, especially considering it was a Friday night. I was tired. After a restless night’s sleep, I woke up to somewhat of a familiar friend- tired. It’s odd, because it seems that there are times I can’t tell if I’m dreaming in my sleep of if I’m lying there awake and actively thinking or praying about things. It all seems to run together.

A number of nights ago David told me that they stay up here until 11 or midnight most nights. He told me that the earlier you went to bed the longer you had to lie in the heat. Those words rang in my ears as I tossed and turned in the night. I find myself trying to stay up until 11 most nights. Trying to stay up--everything about that is against my nature. I am a night owl at heart.

I will never take sleeping in on a Saturday morning for granted again. They don’t seem to exist here. David’s truth comes into play, in addition to the happenings of life here. I tried to force myself to keep sleeping, which really ended up with me falling asleep for 5-10 minute increments only to be startled awake by a screaming child, the “whish, whish, whish, scrape, scrape” of the concrete being slathered on the bricks right outside my room, or the slamming of my window from a gust of wind.

Oh, how I love sleep, yet it’s almost as if you are asking to be punished for any amount of it here. Odd, I tell you. I sat up under my mosquito net after giving in, drenched, praying to the Lord for a joyful heart. The truth is, I found myself annoyed with the heat. No person, but an object.

I got ready for the day, walked out of my room to an oddly quiet compound compared to last Saturday. Amazing how different it was compared to when I was lying in my bed desperately praying to be cool and asleep. Walking outside offered a little relief. Thank you, Lord. There are different types of shade. My room vs. outside under the awning. The awning tends to win 9 times out of 10.

Today was the day; the very first IA2 group meeting. I prayed for His expectations, not mine. I knew where mine could be, wanted to be, but asked for His heart and His will.

I headed over to Mary’s as I told her I would at 11:30. I had what seemed like a staring match with a sweet lady that was there sitting by me, her hair half braided. I used up all of my Kuku, and she didn’t seem too generous with her English. Thus, a looking glance here and there…over and over ensues. Mary hopped in the shower upon seeing me coming. It put a smile to my face. She freshened up and was ready to go in 15 minutes! My American mentality was glad I had planned accordingly, knowing deep down that it doesn’t really matter because I’m living here, my world only existing really in me.

Pray. I needed to pray. Our 10 minute walk to the market consisted of conversation to the Lord for the upcoming group. We get there about 5 minutes early, which I see on my watch and smile knowing that it is likely to be worse to be early than late. Still, there we were. I start to walk over to the tree where I met with the people on Thursday but am quickly told its better there in the market since there is so much dust by the tree today. What do I know?

I look around. The market is almost empty. I don’t see any faces I recognize. I’m pretty good with recognizing faces. Hmm. I ask, and I’m told that Saturdays are market days. Most people head to Jalimo (another larger market) to get things to bring back to sell here. Market day. Today, when I was told by them to come.

I am gently reminded that He has a plan and a purpose that most often I cannot see. The seating arrangement is awkward. I’ve got to figure out how not to be the one presenting while they are sitting being the ones not interacting but simply listening. Regardless, work with what you have. After a few minutes there are a good number of women surrounding me. Not too close as to stay at a close spectator distance, some I can’t even see because they are all sitting so chaotically around mingled in with the market “tables” and such. I look at Mary, she looks at me.

Go.

I introduce myself and why I am there. Only one or two had even seen me the other day talking to the other group of people. They had no idea what these groups were that I was speaking of. Rewind. I explained the purpose, etc. just as I had done on Thursday. I figured I would go ahead and explain them broadly and then jump in with my first group interaction—learning each other’s stories.

I started. Where do I begin? Lord, which part of my story should I share? What words do you want to use to minster to these people? It’s all in vein if not of You and for You. I felt a bit like I was talking to people who could care less. I refuse to believe so. I’m praying as I’m talking.

I realize that speaking one on one allows me to feel more effective. This group setting is just odd. Not group settings as a whole, because in the states I am perfectly comfortable, but here, now, it was odd. People stopping, listening, leaving. Baby’s crying, pooping, spitting. Always a couple glued to me, others out of pure curiosity of someone so different than them. Conversation broken into sentences, just enough time to either fully think about what you are to say next or completely forget where you were going all together. The beauty of translation. I long to be able to just bust out in their language and fully understand what they are pouring out to me. God knows.

The meeting didn’t really consist of the actual structure I had hoped for, or thought it could look like. God knew that, too. I was glad to have a few bold enough to share what they understood of me asking about their “story”, even after giving examples in my own life. Poverty and sickness. They wanted me to know that what they struggle with is poverty and sickness. I thanked them for sharing. It’s hard because I see in most of their eyes they want more than to just be heard. They want it to be fixed. My heart screams for them to wait, that I know who can fix it!! He brings an abundance of wealth and heals the sick…Eternal wealth and Spiritual Healing. Not now, He says. His timing is perfect.

I struggled to get interaction going. Struggled at best. I was so thankful for the one lady smack dab in the front of me that had a huge toothless smile, that was the first one to share each time I encouraged responses, and seemed genuinely invested in being there. Hope. He knew I needed it.

There simply wasn’t much more to do for today’s time. Dragging it out for my own need of accomplishment would have done no good other. I told them I was going to close us in prayer and asked if there was anything else they wanted to share or ask. An elderly lady in the back spoke up so softly even the translator couldn’t hear.

It so often seems to be the very last minute things, from the soft spoken ones that God brings my awareness to. Listen, Jessica.

She was a visitor at this market. She lives in a town up the road where there is just a road side market (I’m told afterwards it’s not enough to consider a market) that she and about 4 others sell things. She belongs to a church there. She and her 4 friends have wanted discipleship, could I come to her place to meet with them??

Could I? Can I, Lord? I’m being invited. It’s wanted. It is wanted. I tell her I will get her name and see if that is a possibility. You have to want growth for growth to happen. This woman spoke up saying she wanted help to grow in the Word. Who am I? Who am I to be asked to help with such an essential, crucial role in the life of a believer? Oh, how I am humbled. God knew.

So, I will have to see what comes of this. My heart desires to meet the need where it is welcomed.

I pray and close it up. Up walk 2 ladies from the other day. They had just returned. Come to find out not only is it market day but there was also a funeral that many were attending. I was reaffirmed that Saturday at noon was a good day and time. I will trust them and will return next week at the same time and will dive into the Word with whoever is there. I wonder if there will be any consistency.

It’s simply the first one. Be all here, right now. I so easily jump ahead to my hope of the end result. Hopes are good as long as they are not a hindrance to the process of getting there.

I have a lot of praying and discussion with the Lord to do. I simply want it to be doable and successful in order to meet their needs. I trust He will show me, as long as I keep asking.

I get back and am so tired, but my mind is just a going. It had only been like an hour and a half since leaving, yet it seemed like I had a day worth of things to process.

I decided to take the chance of taking a nap. There is always risk in this knowing myself and how I most often wake up from naps in a funky mood. It was worth the risk I was so tired. I can do this. Heat has nothing on me.

I lost. It had everything on me. I couldn’t bear to lie in my bed for longer than an hour and that was with making me stay under that white covering of a mosquito net that long. I think I maybe slept 25 minutes if you add all of the snippets of sleep/daydreaming together. The oh, so familiar feeling of be drenched was there upon my waking. Along with it was the funky mood. Not bad, just funky.

Hardly anyone was around. I walked around the compound just to get some air and decided to do my Bible Study that I didn’t finish from yesterday. Preparing to be the Bride of Christ. I just love it. Of course, I catch myself drifting off into prayer or thought about the Lord’s will for my life and a partner—someone to serve with and seek the Lord together as one. You’d be surprised, or maybe you wouldn’t, at how often I am surrendering that to the Lord here. I mean, I’m in Sudan serving the Lord as a single gal, joyfully and contentedly so. That being said, there are most definitely things that catch my attention about how lovely it’d be to have someone by my side with the same heart.

God is so cool. Marriage. It’s all about Him. What a privilege to be His bride, expectantly awaiting His return!!

So, then I decide to continue reading The Poisonwood Bible. It’s one of the books I found here in my room when I arrived. I had seemed to remember hearing somewhere that it was a good book, so I thought I’d give it a try. It’s about a Southern Baptist Preacher, his wife, and their 4 girls in the 60’s who went to be missionaries in the Congo. I had no idea that’s what it was about when I picked it up. I was sucked in quickly.

I found myself reading for hours today, stopping every so often to just look up and study my surroundings. Here I was in Sudan, Africa in the year of 2011 reading a fictional book about a family in the 60’s in the middle of the Congo and relating to most everything culturally I’m reading!!! I found myself relating better to words on a page than to most humans I try to explain things to regarding being here, really being anywhere the Lord directs me.

It was the oddest, yet comforting thing. I had my “Wow. I’m in Sudan.” moment again. They come every now and then when I step back and it’s as if the Lord allows my brain to actually process a bit more of reality. I am half way around the world from….fill in the blank. Yet, I’m not, too. I have people I love here. I have things I love here. I have good days here. I have bad days here. It really is something to be processed. Today is the first day I’ve really found my mind wondering to thoughts of wanting to be home. Is it because of circumstantial hardships? Probably in part. The tug and war of having your heart in two places is tough. Outside of this world though, I stand just as firm today as I did the night God broke me 8 months ago, letting me know His desire for me to be here in Sudan. My heart is betrothed to one Person, and that is my Lord Jesus Christ. Where He goes, I will go. Where He leads, I will follow. I pray there will never be a day that ANY earthly desires of mine prevent me from going where He leads me.

Some days just are.

IA2

Thank you for your prayers!! I woke up this morning not feeling too well still, but as the day has gone on, I’m feeling better. I got some Vitamin C from Norma, so I should be good to go! Also, I realized I never updated on the rash I had on my legs. It is pretty much all gone. There are just a few little spots here and there that I notice when looking, but they aren’t bothering me at all. I imagine it’ll be totally gone very soon. Thank you!

Okay, so Wednesday was the first Education Seminar in March for Seed Effect for the Wudu Market. I had planned on going to the seminar with Skovia so I could simply get a feel for their interaction and just to put my face out there so the clients could see who I was since I had planned on meeting with them the next day to discuss the I Am Second Groups (IA2 from now on J). Well, after it was all said and done I ended up doing my introduction and explanation of IA2 right off the bat to the group members. Insert: flexibility. J I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect in return once explaining it. Honestly, my introduction of it all is a trial and error process. I had planned out what specifically needed to be covered, but in what way and in what order and how exactly to word it I knew would have to be learned as I went pretty much by the responses. There were 10 people total: 9 women (and their babies) and 1 man.

I got done and asked if there were any questions…silence…silence…a soft voice speaks up. Then another..then another. I was so excited. Good questions lead to good understanding.

I was asked how often I want them to meet and I suggest at least once a week. I was asked if these groups were intended to bring people together to then break away from their church since some people are doing that in certain denominations and it is making people mad. What a good question; one I hadn’t planned on, but totally made sense. I could see in that moment how God had prepared me for it since I had talked on this topic numerous times in the villages when I was out with the team evangelizing and discipling. Of course I explain that is not the purpose and that I come representing Jesus Christ and no specific denomination. I was asked if there is a curriculum used and if they would be able to get the scripture ahead of time so they could study and be prepared!! Can I get a Hallelujah?!! I mean, this made me so happy. The last question asked was if they could do these groups out of their homes, instead of the market place because more people would likely be a part of them this way. Oh, it was music to my ears! That is precisely what these are all about!! J I explained that if Scripture is what they want, then Scripture would most def. be provided to them and if doing them from their homes is what they felt best, then by all means go for it!! It ended up that the discussion was closed with them saying they would take this information and get more people and let us know what day and time would work best for them tomorrow, likely to be multiple groups. Scovia said she would head to the market to touch base with them the next day. If I am going to be honest, I wasn’t really satisfied with that knowing how hard communication can be here, but I trusted it would all work out eventually since in my trying to explain how I thought it would best work didn’t seem to get through completely.

Before closing up, we took prayer requests. Would you please pray for 3 women specifically? I don’t remember their names, but the Lord knows…one lady has Typhoid, another has severe pain in her feet and legs, and another had a nasty wound on her leg. I knew as soon as I saw it what it was from. My dad always made sure to make it VERY clear that when riding his motorcycle with him to ALWAYS pay attention to the pipes. It would be a very bad price to pay if I didn’t. She had a very bad burn from a motorbike. She was showing me her burn and another lady pulled up her skirt to show me the nasty scar she had from the same thing. I imagine there are many people walking around here with these burns…so painful, so preventable. Please pray for healing for these women.

Once Scovia was done with the education seminar part I asked her how she thought my part went. She said it was very successful!! She said the fact that they were asking questions meant that they were listening and interested. Thank you, Lord!

Question: What does it mean to you to rely upon the Holy Spirit in your day to day life? What does it tangibly look like? I’d love your thoughts!

We had our second Edu. Seminar in Leikor Market yesterday. This is the market closest to where I live. It’s an easy walk up the road. There were 15 there! Scovia did her thing first, and then I followed up. Not only did I have some good questions asked (different once since I knew which ones to cover the second time around), but at least 3 of them women wanted me to know that they were very excited about this opportunity and that they KNOW God will bless it! I can’t explain the joy. One lady wanted me to know that when she was in Uganda in a camp years ago they had a group that would meet together for discipleship and she loved it and has missed it since then so she is thanking God for answering her prayers. Wow. Then, the ladies didn’t want me to leave until they had a day and time set!! I was so thankful, as this shows me they are taking ownership of these groups. So, Saturday from noon-2 will be the first official IA2 group meeting!! Please be praying, I think much is going to come from this bunch!!

After we got done a man came up wanting to not ask the loan officer or Scovia, but ME about Seed Effect. They tried to tell him that they could answer his questions, but he insisted. So, I told them it was totally fine, and if I didn’t have an answer, I simply didn’t have an answer. I just felt though there was going to be more to it. Come to find out he is actually a SE client, as is his wife (who so happens to be the one that was the most positive and encouraging about the IA2 groups!) He wanted to express to me something things he feels should be different, exceptions with loans, etc. I listened (which is pretty much want most people want…just to be listened to) and then offered him my opinion and the truth about why I know the SE policies are in place. Then he started getting into a convo about how he is a black man and I don’t understand (because I’m white). Door open. I was waiting for it. Long story short, our conversation ended up with the Gospel being shared and my whole purpose of being here in Sudan. He was asking how to know who the REAL God is and how we are supposed to trust that God will provide, etc. I ended up having to leave before I was finished because of my ride, but Scovia stayed to finish up with him. His name is Francis. Please pray that Francis’ eyes and heart will be opened up to the ONE TRUE GOD and that He will come to experience God’s saving grace. I’m hoping and praying that God will use that conversation to keep him invested to figuring things out, or at least curious about who in the world this crazy white girl is telling him that her blood is the same color as his under our skin!! The IA2 group would be ideal for him and considering his wife is all in, it just would fit together so perfectly.

Oh, I can’t forget to ask you to also pray for Innocent. Innocent is a young man who came to the compound about a week ago to fix the generator. He walked in the conference room where I was, came up to me and just started shooting tons of questions at me! The funny thing is that he was so busy talking that he never once listened for any answers!!! I was like whoa, there bud! So, we joked a bit and he went to walk out. I followed him out and said, “hey…did you not want to hear ANY of the answers to your questions?!!” Haha…I know, bold. It wasn’t as rude as it sounds. I promise. J So, he looked at me and walked up to me and goes, okay with a huge smile. I told him that I would love to answer any and all questions but he never gave me a chance…so then I proceeded to answer them. ..who I was, where I was from, why I was here, how long I’ll be here, etc. I had a feeling that wouldn’t be the last I saw Innocent. That conversation set up the dynamic of our interaction. Frankness. He came around a couple more times and I would make sure to say hello and ask how he was doing. Then, he came by the day before yesterday and came up to me telling me he came by but didn’t see me! Then he proceeded to demand me to play the guitar I was holding. I tried to explain that I was just learning…he didn’t hear any of it!! I’m telling you, he talks and talks but simply doesn’t listen. So, I decided I would point that out to him. Yep, sure did. He laughed and laughed of course. So, I’m sitting in my chair in the shade reading yesterday morning before I headed out to Leikor market and I hear a motorbike pull in. I look up and it was Innocent. I quickly prayed for the Lord to give me His words and direct the conversation. He walked up to me, we chit chatted about nothing, and then he told me he knows I was bored. I told him, no, actually I wasn’t at all. He proceeds to tell me, yes, I am…how could I not be...just sitting there only having the children and maids to interact with…what kind of life is that. Door open. Innocent stayed there and we talked for about 45 minutes or so. He is Roman Catholic and with that denomination here comes a ton of non-biblical junk. I mean that, too. We were able to THOROUGHLY go through the Gospel and what Jesus’ death accomplished. He asked SO MANY good questions. His not listening is honestly a spiritual thing. I can see right through it. Many things I don’t feel like were actually heard by him, but I do feel like so much Truth was shared that SOME of it just had to be! I pray that God will open his ears to HEAR the Truth of the Word. He’s a tough cookie….good thing God’s in that business! I have no doubt he’ll be coming around ever so often. It was a wonderful opportunity that the Lord gave me and I thank God He gave me answers as Innocent is oh, so good at spouting questions! Pray, pray, pray.

I went over to Norma’s this morning and hung out with her the majority of the day since I didn’t have anything specific in the market place today. I thought resting a bit would be a good idea. It was lovely and much needed. I headed up to the SE office afterwards and guess what I got to be a part of? I don’t even know what to call it. It was a meeting to gather friends (SE workers) of one of the guys that works for SE who is getting married in April to discuss the bride price and their role in helping him raise the funds for it! I was just asked to join; I had NO IDEA what it was! I was so intrigued. I left with a sheet of paper that laid out the specific prices of different things that he has to pay her parents. It is his friends who help raise that money for him!!! Let me just list a few of the items on the list: money for stepping on cow dung (yes, word for word), cows, goats, hurricane lamp, sugar, and a hunting spear. Those are just a few of the items. Did I mention how intrigued I was?! My personal Bible study that I am doing right now is one my sweet friend Marsha wrote and it is called “Preparing to be the Bride of Christ: A call to Holiness”. It is rocking my world. So, I’ve been reading and studying about marriage…THE marriage and traditional Jewish weddings (and praying about my future marriage, Lord willing…). So, when this came up today, I just loved it. Of course relationships and marriage being a passion of mine, I soaked it all up, listening and asking tons of questions to the ladies after the meeting was over.

Okay, can I insert somewhat of a non-spiritual bit of information in here? Word to the wise…make sure if you even have to go pee a little bit before getting on a motorbike, you GO! I thought I might pee on myself on the way home, no lie. Come to think about it, it was a VERY spiritual situation…I was PRAYING the ENTIRE ride home!! Haha

I got home (I just typed home…) and headed across the street to go talk to Mary, my translator to make sure she was good to go with me tomorrow to the Market for the IA2 group and I walked up and there were about 5 women all sitting around taking tea. I was able to fully greet them and respond and answer what my name was when I was asked!!!! We laughed and joked. It was so refreshing. They invited me over for tea next time, wanting to interact with me. Their huge smiles and wrinkled faces just drew me in. I walked off with a huge smile on my face and felt such a confirmation that I am where I am supposed to be…that all is right. It’s as if the lens of my life zoomed out and I could see the bigger picture for a slit second: I was leisurely walking across the road in Kajo Keji, Sudan to discuss the ministry I am actively a part of, greeting in a tribal African language, and living life alongside and with these beautiful people. Surreal, yet just right.

I’ll leave you this time with some of my favorite things that warm my heart:

Reaching out to give sweet Alice a huge hug and her returning it!!! Here handshakes are huge!! But, I’m a hugger through and through, so being able to hug and receive it in return blesses me so!

Getting online to read many, many encouraging emails and messages.

Mercy and Wani (4 year olds) being on the other side of the fence and seeing me come home and sprinting alongside the fence to get to me only to run full force into my legs and giving me a huuuuge hug saying “JEKSA, JEKSA!” The have captured my heart, folks.

Silly Heat

So, I had intentions of updating on the past few days right now, but plain don't feel like it. How's that for a reason? :) I'm not feeling my best, so really, it's just because i'm tired and writing these takes brain energy. There's nothing to worry about, I'm okay, but just not 100%. I haven't really been sleeping all that well the past few nights. The heat tends to be a stealer of sleep-at least sleeping straight through the night without waking up a few times. My throat started feeling scratchy yesterday and I started getting all stuffy. Plus, my energy has just been zapped out of me the past few days. It really is amazing....I wake up tired. Then, yesterday my stomach decided to feel not so good off and on...for no reason.

All of this to say, I'm going to see Norma tomorrow. :) It brings me so much joy knowing that Norma can say, "Come on over to the compound and i'll fix you up!" I'm still praising God for how He orchestrated her and I being here together.

The biggest thing I'd ask you to pray for is energy. I feel like I'm dragging my body everywhere. I still WANT to do everything, but my body is dragging behind. It's not even that I'm doing all that much or even out in the sun a lot, either. David Kaya asks me EVERY time I'm seeing him if i'm drinking enough water. I just love how he takes care of me. Of course, I am. (Don't worry, Dad...i'm doing my best to take care of myself!) He explained that it's just the heat...so when I tell him, "But i'm not in the sun a lot!!" he gently reminds me and my pride (I feel like a wimp and don't even like admitting that I'm not feeling 100%) that this is the hottest time of the year here, it's HOT even for the Sudanese, and that he finds himself waking up tired! I was like, "MEEE TOOOO!!" He smiles and tells me it's because even in the night when we are sleeping our body is working, working, working because of the heat. It's normal.

Phew. Good to know. :)

Just to give you a snippet of the past two days so you are anxiously awaiting a more detailed post... :)

-first education seminar/discipleship training...lots of GOOD questions from the clients.
-second education seminar/discipleship training...we have a date and time already set up to start meeting every week!!! It starts this SATURDAY! woo hoo!

...get your prayer caps ready...more people to specifically be praying for!