When words aren't enough...

One Year

So much can change in one year.

I've been finding myself looking back here recently at just how much has changed in my life the past year. It's humbling yet a blessing also. What's crazy is the fact that I'm reminded that the Lord doesn't work on a time schedule. He isn't defined by days, weeks, months, or years. Praise Jesus for that. Seriously. I am so so so thankful I have serve a God that sympathizes with each and everything I go through, but isn't defined by the things I go through. Does that make sense? It does in my head. God is not circumstantial. Can I get an Amen?

I thought I'd look at some of the things that have changed from September 20th, 2007-September 20th, 2008:

• This time last year I was ecstatic about flying to Minneapolis for the Desiring God Conference. Boy oh Boy was I excited. I was experiencing new things, praying new prayers, and stepping out in faith. Now I find myself wishing I could have gone to the conference this year because it is going to be AMAZING but SO SO SO extremely grateful for the opportunity last year along with the long list (like in the movies when Santa is holding the list of those naughty or nice and it unrolls and drops to the floor) of lessons I learned at or from that weekend.
• I have a second nephew, Hudson, who is his favorite aunt's pride and joy (me of course!) along with his big brother, Grayson aka Grayman.
• This time last year I was doing my best at waiting on the Lord to go to Africa and now I've gone, been changed, and desperately want to go back.
• This time last year I was on the second half of the semester in grad school in what seemed like the never ending, hair pulling, did I hear God wrong about what I'm doing? semester. Now, I'm in my last semester (ever) and finding it weird that class will be no more come December.
• This time last year I had a beautiful HUGE black lab aka my baby, Tobie...and he was healthy. Well, as far as I knew. Now, well...I don't. (yeah, no better way to end that one)
• Over the past year I've grown in my relationship with my sis...and she is quite honestly my best friend.
• This time last year was tough. Right now is tougher.
• I have grown in my boldness to share the Gospel. (absolutely nothing of me)
• This time last year I was scared to death at the thought of actually counseling someone for fear of messing them up and not knowing what to do! Now, I see 3-5 clients a week and while I still get a bit anxious at times I am able to rely on the Lord for His guidance and feel more comfy.
• 2 of my best friends have gotten married and one has had a baby.

I have had ups and downs in my walk, but most importantly I have grown from it all. My relationship with the Lord is stronger today than it was a year ago. Out of all of the things I could continue to list, this one right here is the one that draws me to my knees thanking Jesus for loving me enough to carry me through the storms. Not only that, but growing me IN and AFTER the storms. Something I heard the other day that I have been clinging to as of late is that the Lord doesn't always calm the storm. Sometimes He calms the person in the storm. As I sit here and read over the few things I've written I realize that none of those things really matter in comparison to this one. At times it's easy to over look that and I do often. Man, how I can miss out on the blessings by dwelling on the things. I'll tell you what's beautiful, though--being able to look back on the things that the world would tell you is complete loss and being able to see the sovereignty of the Lord in them. What a sweet, sweet Savior to allow me to see that if not for the weekend of September 28-30th, 2007, I wouldn't necessarily see Him in a way that I do now, or know what restoration grace and mercy can bring, or simply what it's like to deal with the consequences of sin. (may seem like a strange blessing, but a lesson I wouldn't take back). If not for His strength and determination I may not be reaching my last semester in Grad School. You get the point. What a joy it is to know Him--to depend and lean on Him.

So, a lot has changed---I have changed. He has not. Isn't that how it's supposed to be? Gosh to think that one day I'll actually get to be WITH HIM! Now, that my friends, is something to rejoice about.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder?

I just know everyone out there in the blog world has been biting their nails in anticipation on my next blog. Yeah, right. Really though--it has been a while. There is a reason for this....

I have had NO TIME! Ok, usually I might exaggerate a little bit...but I'm not kidding when I say I've had no time. Between a serious kickin' my butt workload, Grad School, and other commitments I've made here and there I've been plum worn out. (I've always wanted to say that) If you were to look at my day planner (which has become my life-I'm honestly lost without it) you would think my 2 year old nephew had got a hold of it and just scribbled all over in every single little box. They are full. Just when I think that one inch by one inch box can't get anything else crammed into it, low and behold I do. I've been busy before, but not like this I don't think. It's not a day by day status, but a minute by minute. I literally have my days planned minute by minute.

8a.m. Dive into the work that was supposed to be done 3 days ago
8:01 a.m. Oh, wait...Call the person I forgot to yesterday
8:06 a.m. Fill out form needed by someone in 4 minutes
8:08 a.m. Breathe
8:09 a.m. Be reminded by the Lord that He is in control..

Ok, ok..you get the point. I should probably be more serious in letting you know that I love my job. I am so so so so blessed. You just don't even know. Is it stressful at times? Yes. Is it emotionally draining at times? Yes. Is it frustrating at times? Yes. Is it one of the many ways the Lord reveals Himself to me and how he shows me just how much he loves anyone and everyone regardless of their circumstances which then forces me to my knees in awe of an Almighty Creator? Absolutely. Despite not being able to sleep well because I'm so stressed, randomly bursting out in tears sitting at my desk, and having circles under my eyes, God is good!! He's more than good...He's marvelous! He's been allowing me to be apart of things that I will never be worthy of and revealing Himself to me through it all! He consistently reminds me that when I'm on empty is when I realize just home much I need Him for strength and sanity...for EVERYTHING!

OK, so this is going to make me sound old, but I don't care. I am so excited for tonight. You may be thinking I have some huge plans, might be going out, or wait...maybe even a date! Nope. I am picking up a movie on the way home, changing into comfy clothes, eating dinner, putting in a movie and eating popcorn. Gosh it's going to feel good to just sit and do nothing. Would it be awful of me to think that I deserve it? Well, regardless....movie and popcorn here I come!!